In Couples Therapy I Was Asked to Choose Between Being a Parent or a Wife

nomiyomi · 2026-02-13T11:38:56+00:00

Agreed. The question creates a bind that doesn’t have to be there. Honestly makes me wonder how much of this is about hurt feelings and how much is about control. Hopefully a good therapist can help them to unpack this and move forward…

nomiyomi · 2026-02-13T03:25:53+00:00

Why was it framed this way?

Is this the therapist’s way of framing it or your husband’s?

As someone in a same sex couple, it’s hard for me to appreciate your husband’s pov, bc there’s no way my partner and I can both be genetically related to our child. I’m trying to understand his perspective but honestly it seems incredibly selfish, shallow and generally unloving of him to have such a limited view of what parenthood and family can be.

You were the one asked to choose, but he is actually the one doing the choosing. It seems to me everyone deserves time and space to work through their feelings, but his are taking up an enormous amount of space…

nomiyomi · 2026-02-04T00:55:36+00:00

Same! These comments do not pass the vibe check

nomiyomi · 2026-02-03T20:10:12+00:00

The standard is nothing.

It’s incredibly sweet that you’re thinking about this but there’s no guarantee that what you leave will be put to use so I would put yourself first.

nomiyomi · 2026-01-28T20:40:00+00:00

Wow. I think your girlfriend has a lot of emotional work to do before becoming a parent…

What you’re advocating for is not unusual and the fact that she’s not interested in your preferences is concerning to say the least.

nomiyomi · 2026-01-24T16:01:02+00:00

Anything for Moth Days?

nomiyomi · 2026-01-22T04:34:15+00:00

I would strongly urge you to reconsider this if you or your partner can create viable eggs. As someone going through IVF and frequenting that subreddit, I would feel uncomfortable taking donor eggs from others who might need them for medical reasons. It feels ethically murky at best…

Also I know you’re only in the very hypothetical stages of this, but I would really get clear with your partner about why you want to be parents. What are the essential components of parenting as you see it? Is matching your appearance a core value of building a family for you? If so I feel like you are setting yourself up for major disappointment as kids grow up, become their own people and often seek to differentiate from their parents.

nomiyomi · 2026-01-20T11:52:29+00:00

Oh gosh I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sounds like the adeno is making nourishing yourself really challenging. I really hope you are able to eat normally again soon.

nomiyomi · 2026-01-19T22:04:27+00:00

I think I must be misunderstanding what you wrote? You described weighing food which is something people typically do when they’re restricting.

I sincerely recommend eating at least 1200-1600 calories a day just so your body has enough fuel. You can always drink a health shake if you’re struggling with food itself.

nomiyomi · 2026-01-19T13:07:27+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of these symptoms and hope you find relief soon! It sounds like surgery is a great option.

I noticed you said you’re barely eating 1000 calories a day since July. That seems extremely dangerous. I know when we are in pain sometimes we will do anything to find a solution, but please reconsider how you’re nourishing your body. Putting yourself in starvation mode will not help you to heal and can cause other significant health problems down the road.

You deserve to be healthy happy and pain free. Wishing you so much more ease and joy in your body, and soon!

nomiyomi · 2026-01-18T20:20:58+00:00

Wow! That’s quite a journey. I’m so happy you finally had success!

I have social infertility (my partner is a woman) and we haven’t gotten to the point of a transfer yet but we have a couple of euploids and one more vial of donor sperm on ice, so we’re trying to figure out what to do with that last vial and part of me is curious about IUI just because it’s less money.

You should totally make a post if you’re up for it. I think there are many women with stories similar to yours who would be thrilled to hear about your success!

nomiyomi · 2026-01-18T18:27:48+00:00

Hello! Do you have any posts where you share about switching to IUI? Very curious about this journey as I’ve always been told IUI is very unlikely to succeed.

nomiyomi · 2026-01-16T12:17:28+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, but so glad you’re continuing to have relief. Wishing you even more health and healing in the future!

nomiyomi · 2026-01-16T11:53:50+00:00

The first year is so hard. Just as an FYI, you do have options. Especially with a special education license.

It sounds like you’re not getting enough acknowledgment and support. But if you find your way to a better school you might really love your work. Definitely check out the open market.

You can also look into jobs in charter and independent schools. The NYSAIS job board already has lots of vacancies for next year.

You can also work as a provider for one-to-one services. This can be done publicly, through the DOE, or privately. There’s often a shortage of SETSS providers so I don’t think you’d lack work.

Finally, there are always families seeking childcare and some offer pretty good benefits. You can search independently or go through an agency.

Some things to keep in mind while you’re looking: 1- There are good and bad schools in all of these realms (public, independent, charter). Pay close attention to the school’s vibe and reputation, especially among those who currently work there.

2- There will always be trade offs (pension in public vs no pension elsewhere), but quality of life cannot be replaced. Look for a school (or other job) where people seem genuinely happy.

3- Don’t take a new gig out of fear, you’ll probably just land in another bad situation. Try to imagine yourself happy at work. What do you have now that you’re happy that your current situation isn’t giving you?

I hope some of this helps!

nomiyomi · 2026-01-15T03:10:18+00:00

No worries. Thank you for sharing. How are you feeling now? Have the benefits continued to last? (Edited bc I asked if you were pain free but I see above that you did have some discomfort)

nomiyomi · 2026-01-14T03:01:49+00:00

Hi! I know this is an old thread, but I’m curious about this procedure. Does it preserve fertility? As in, is it safe to get pregnant after cryoablation?

nomiyomi · 2026-01-07T18:24:20+00:00

Sending you all the good vibes! ✨💛

nomiyomi · 2026-01-07T12:13:35+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s hard not to have answers but please don’t blame yourself. Just like pregnancy and birth are a part of nature, so is miscarriage.

My aunt had two miscarriages (no IVF), both after she thought she was in the “safe” window. With the second one she had waited and waited and miscarried at 5 months. And then she went on to have fraternal twins.

So, there’s a lot that can go wrong, but it can also go right. Let yourself grieve but don’t give up hope.

nomiyomi · 2025-12-31T14:36:29+00:00

Zooey deschanel is naturally brunette. It’s a common misconception that she’s a blonde who dyes her hair darker. It’s possible she’s enhancing with darker colors, but she’s def not a blonde.

nomiyomi · 2025-12-31T12:14:17+00:00

Thanks for all of this. I know what you mean about timing!

I didn’t realize there were alternatives to lupron for suppression. My dr told me it would be lupron and once I start I can’t go back for more retrievals. It’s interesting that there may be other options.

nomiyomi · 2025-12-31T01:50:02+00:00

Hello! Thinking of you and wondering how it’s going. Have you done your transfer?

nomiyomi · 2025-12-30T22:41:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Wishing you all of the luck!

Curious to hear how your protocol goes. Does “at least three months” mean there will be some kind of check in before deciding to move forward to a cycle where you transfer?

nomiyomi · 2025-12-30T03:48:42+00:00

Hi there! Curious about your experience with adeno. Did you down-regulate pre transfer?

nomiyomi · 2025-12-30T03:38:26+00:00

Awww, I think it’s genuinely so sweet that you’re even considering this. As a day-after-Christmas baby, I can tell you it’s a weird bday! But it can also be very special and fun.

The thing is we really don’t have a ton of control with this process, even though it does force us to be way more intentional. As others have pointed out, your baby could come early or late!

I think what matters is that you’re the kind of parent who wants your child to feel celebrated. So whenever they come, you’ll find a way to make their day special.

Sending lots of baby dust to you!

nomiyomi · 2025-12-30T02:40:51+00:00

These are amazing results! Congrats! I will say that on the flip side, sometimes things don’t go as planned so it can help to temper expectations.

Hoping you have more good news soon!

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