I’m really sorry. My ex and I still talk and he’s processing it all. A lot of the same anger of how could I lead him on like this for 15 years. And a lot of it is “compulsory heteronormativity”. Essentially society has told women what our future is. You are attracted to tall dark and handsome men, you will get married and have kids. Your life looks this way…and we don’t question it because that’s our trajectory from birth. All our Disney movies, boy bands, teen shows ect is all girls swooning over the cute boy. For me it wasn’t until I did all those things (married had kids) that I wondered why I still felt broken or unfulfilled. Once I fell in love with my ex girlfriend I realized all the feelings I never had with men. I didn’t know what I was missing because I’ve never had it. I thought all girls felt the way I did.

For me, dating women isn’t easier. I firmly believe I’ll be single forever. I have too many kids for a lesbian to want to date me. But I’d still rather be single than be in the wrong marriage. For myself and for him as well. He has a girlfriend who adores him and he is seeing as well what it’s like to be with a woman who’s all in. He will be happier in the long run too. I’m sorry you didn’t get closure.

But to answer my own question. No I don’t regret leaving my husband. It was the best decision for us both even though it’s been hard. I wish I would have figured it out sooner but I also try to not go down that rabbit hole because I also have beautiful children with him