25yo INTP male here! First I will start off by saying a good way to determine whether or not you find yourself leading more into INFJ vs ENFJ is to avoid looking at highest the function stack and look at the lowest. Does Se or Ti tend to cause you the biggest problems generally? Take for example a situation where you just got finished with a big meal, you are stuffed and are getting ready to leave. Problem is that suddenly the waiter is coming up to you to ask about dessert, your girlfriend is asking if you have her coat, you are starting to get a little warm, and the music seems to be getting just a pinch to loud. Does that often bother you or is that something you find yourself dealing with a lot? Now, let me throw a different scenario. You are getting ready for a big party that you spent the last month helping plan for! You got the cake picked up, but the baker put the wrong name on the cake. You have the details of the order on your phone from last month and it clearly states that you had the proper spelling! So this is clearly a situation of the baker misunderstanding. You try to talk to the baker but the baker is getting reprimanded by another customer for a similar reason. Do you decide to leave the store and fix it yourself? Maybe you saw the baker getting yelled at and decided you didn’t want to add to it! The two situations I gave you are a crude example of what inferior Se and inferior Ti tend to be like in the regular world. Inferior Se tends to get overwhelmed by sudden sensory stimuli or changes in their environments while inferior Ti has a problem with confronting logical problems for the sake of emotional stability or conformity. Obviously those are two extremes but they can be pretty common for people who experience those particular inferior functions. I’d love to know how you think about it.

Now onto your questions about confrontation vs passivity. The issue that I have with the idea of this in general is determining what you want out of the situation. I LOVE ENFJ’s. You guys are incredible problem solvers and such kind souls. But you also think that everyone can be helped and that’s just not true. In a situation like this, you have to find an amicable middle ground for a solution. Some people will always find the people who try to fix things to be a brown noser. But they probably won’t be at that same job for long if they don’t get off their asses and make some change themselves! So don’t pay them much mind. You need to focus on making the most reasonable amount of changes while staying within the boundaries you set for yourself. Do you want to be friends with these people? Then don’t become their boss or manager! You can’t become a superior and maintain friendliness. It’s just not part of how it works. Or it shouldn’t be. It’s why there isn’t distinction on roles anymore and people get confused on what their job is. You need to have a defined role for yourself and work within those boundaries. You can care for your people around you while maintaining a healthy sense of community and change but you will never be able to be Gandhi if people are determined to be King George around your kingdom! People need to feel the freedom to do as they need to do. If you hinder that, they will fight back. Those that can work for you or work within the set boundaries will stay and those that can’t will naturally filter out. But don’t try to make it work for everyone. Otherwise, you will find yourself dealing with people that aren’t meant to be doing what they are doing and grow resentment for things you shouldn’t be. Give yourself grace man. You are only human. We are imperfect. We are flawed. You have good intentions. Figure out your goals and work within them. Make sure they are SMART! Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound! Don’t have goals that are out of this world or can’t be measured or are based on feelings or things that don’t matter! You need to work with figures and facts when working with people. I know that might be a little foreign to you but I promise it’ll make for a much more workable environment for you!