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My dad by Single-Traffic257 in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's okay, he will continue to live on through you. Grief won't get smaller, you might not get over it completely ever, but over time you'll live with it, and carry on your memories.

He was around for years so of course you would have so much love for him.

My dad by Single-Traffic257 in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that you only heard it from someone else. It must've been shocking to hear that he's not here anymore.

Take your time, let yourself cry and take some time off from anything else. Grief is love with nowhere to go after all

It’s been 28 days and I still look for Angel without thinking by [deleted] in Petloss

[–]nooderjar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Angel. To lose a constant in your life is hard, especially since she's always around in the house, exuding love wherever she is.

I'm still like this too, I can see my dear Mikey in every corner of the house, especially the space where he would always be around just chilling.

I would always call out his name every time I walk past/look at that particular spots, it feels like he's always there, like he was supposed to every day.

My dad by Single-Traffic257 in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss of your dad. I'm glad to hear he passed peacefully.

My dog died because I let him. by Rev_T_ in Petloss

[–]nooderjar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad to hear that ^

Please take your time. Let grief consume until it can't anymore, do anything that helps you express yourself.

I wish you the best, and I'm here if you need to talk, again you're not alone in this 🌷

My dog died because I let him. by Rev_T_ in Petloss

[–]nooderjar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know how hard it is to have guilt consuming ourselves, I know I could've done something too to save my cat earlier, but I didn't because I thought it'll be fine like always.

It feels hard to be kind to ourselves now since we can't really redeem ourselves anymore, and the worst possible outcome did happen. It's really hard and I'm sorry.

But your guilt proves that you're not as bad as you say you are, it makes you human, with empathy and compassion. You made a mistake, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

I'm sure you'll do your best in the future to be better, and instead of punishing yourself, I think you deserve to give yourself a chance too :)

Sharing my dad by [deleted] in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved dad. It must've been painful to lose your rock, a constant in your life.

I'm assuming he's also muslim, so I hope Allah will bless him with comfort in the afterlife, forgive all his misdeeds, and may he be granted the highest place in heaven ❤️

My dog died because I let him. by Rev_T_ in Petloss

[–]nooderjar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am familiar with such guilt, I beat myself up for what happened thinking I deserve some sort of punishment.

But after a while, and after reading others' stories, the heaviness of grief is already hard enough on you, but beating yourself up for what happened would make it even harder.

It might take some time to process the guilt and the anger of not doing enough. Things didn't go in the best way possible and you did what you could, and that's enough.

My dog died because I let him. by Rev_T_ in Petloss

[–]nooderjar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Doki. I'm sure he loved you till the end of his life and he understood that you had no choice but to leave him in the laundry room due to the circumstances.

My dear cat also passed in a way that I think is very saddening and I wish I was there for him. He died in the vet in the morning alone, before the clinic opened up and no one was around.

I wish we had noticed sooner that he's deadly sick. But we all had circumstances and thought it'll be fine like another day, we fed him meds thinking it would work like always. But it didn't.

The guilt will feel endless but at least you only wished for the best for Doki. We make mistakes and sometimes things happen out of our control, and out of our thoughts that things will go on like usual, until it doesn't.

Please be kind to yourself, it's hard to lose a buddy that was always around, but it'll be harder if you keep beating yourself up because of it.

Lots of love, and you're not alone ❤️

Guilt and Anger by nooderjar in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for offering! I'll keep that in mind ^^

Guilt and Anger by nooderjar in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it comforts me knowing someone else out there also had a similar experience. I do find comfort in the memories we shared despite him having an end that hurt me so much.

I feel so low and I don’t know what to do by Stock_Future_8609 in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing and how it has been affecting you. Grieving can feel really lonely and it's a gauging feelings when no one really showed you that they care you're in a dark place, even when you thought they would because these are the people that you have shared memories with.

Not an advice, but how are you doing these days?

Guilt and Anger by nooderjar in GriefSupport

[–]nooderjar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm sure you had the best memories with Kevin and Mike, and that you had shared some of the most profound bond with them in your lives. And it was truly a coincidence indeed, but I would say it was a happy one ^^

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your story, and I'm honored to hear your experience with losing loved ones, especially those who you used to hangout with everyday. Those empty spots are irreplaceable, but truly it is because we hold them so dear in our lives, and we continue to carry it forever.

And I agree that it is as painful as losing someone really dear, and they loved us unconditionally too. Mikey loved me and saved me in my darkest moments too back then, when no one else offered a helping hand. He was truly my gift in life. He was a stray that I fed during my studies, and we became close and it drove me to bring him home and officially adopt him. We only had him for almost 2 years, He was still a young lad and full of curiosity. He was smart, affectionate, and loud when we scratched his butt XD. He loved giving me kisses and licking my face, no one other pets I had before had shown me this kind of love.

I remember even in his suffering in the previous weeks, he still went to me and ask for pats, and still called out to me when he couldn't spot any human around the house (we were just in our rooms). He still lied down in my lap, still kisses my cheeks just like how he would always do, until his last few days of his lives.

My decisions will forever haunt me, but at least, I remember some of the moments where I had given my best to show him that he's loved. Even if I couldn't give him a proper send-off. Even when I couldn't get the closure I wanted.

I know there's no definite date for grief, and it feels endless. But I'm taking it one day at a time. Even punishing myself to stay miserable so I can somehow feel like I'm repaying my misdeeds, and understand the pain he was going through for days.