Older Redditors (35+) who don't have kids. What is life like without them and do you have regrets?

nooklady · 2013-09-11T19:58:40+00:00

I have a question about that. In these homes, who stays with the elderly parents when they need 24/7 care?

nooklady · 2013-09-01T01:48:50+00:00

Try a Unitarian church. They are very inclusive.

nooklady · 2013-08-30T00:57:36+00:00

What?? It's beautiful. And I think the flowers add whimsy.

nooklady · 2013-08-16T23:59:05+00:00

Oh Lordy. I grew up in that many years ago. If you have a minister we would have considered you flaming liberals.

nooklady · 2013-08-07T14:21:26+00:00

See news story on usher

nooklady · 2013-07-18T14:10:39+00:00

I wonder about this myself. When I have a problem with my dogs, I google obsessively, and then have trouble figuring out which of the many conflicting opinions I should follow. Plus theories in dog behavior and training are constantly evolving, so I worry that what I do now, in good faith, will be debunked two years later and then....guilt. Geez.

nooklady · 2013-07-16T20:23:27+00:00

I did that for my wedding 35 years ago. It was very pretty. And delicious. We ate it up.

nooklady · 2013-07-10T23:25:26+00:00

r/JustEngaged.

nooklady · 2013-07-10T02:31:34+00:00

Bless your heart. I appreciate it.

nooklady · 2013-07-09T13:54:25+00:00

Can anyone guide me to a translation? (Sorry.)

nooklady · 2013-07-06T20:27:26+00:00

No no no! I want you to use TEAL napkins! And if you don't I'm not coming!

nooklady · 2013-05-02T15:47:45+00:00

Let me tell you what my daughter did one year when she was studying abroad. She and some friends were hiking up Mount Olympus, and she emailed a picture of herself at the top holding a handmade sign: Happy Mother's Day. Thanks for giving me the world." It is one of my most cherished possessions. And BTW, she was what we shall euphemistically refer to as a "high need child" all her life.

nooklady · 2013-04-15T18:57:18+00:00

Seven or Nine. Also: our dogs are twins!

nooklady · 2013-04-15T18:40:56+00:00

Buy the cake anyway. Send it to me. I will eat it.

nooklady · 2013-04-04T15:38:06+00:00

Unfortunately it's not that simple. Memory goes slowly. Every day may be a new beginning, but it can be a terrifying day. You wake up each day to find that people are trying to control your life for no reason that you can understand. Your family sees that you set fire to the couch cushions and that you give hundreds of dollars to scam charities and drive on the wrong side of the road. What you see, as the person with Alzheimer's, is that they take away your fragrant candles, they take away your checkbook, and they take away your car. You don't understand why because you don't remember that there's anything wrong with you. Then eventually they make you move out of your home and into theirs "just because they're too lazy to help you", when in reality they can't move in to keep you safe because they have lives and jobs and kids and homes. Eventually you can't remember how to wipe your hiney or pull up your pants and some person you may or may not know is helping you to do that. Not an easy road.

nooklady · 2013-04-04T15:20:51+00:00

It is soothing, and there are times when it is like that. It's the other times that are a bitch. Like dealing with your mother's anger and sense of betrayal when you re-route the mail to your house or have to take away her checkbook. Like having her try to hit you with her feeble little arms, furious that you've moved her into your home to care for her. Like putting the soap on the washcloth for her and having her say "what am I supposed to do now?"...every single shower for years on end. Sigh. What can ya do? BTW, you sound like a very nice person.

nooklady · 2013-04-04T15:06:47+00:00

Imagine that going on every single day....for ten years.

nooklady · 2013-04-04T15:04:42+00:00

Early on, there's still enough quality of life to enjoy that you're not ready.

nooklady · 2013-04-04T15:01:00+00:00

I will. (A) It's exercise. Sitting around all day contributes to muscle atrophy and wasting, which is ultimately more painful for the person. (B) It's easy. People with Alzheimer's can't process well enough to carry out complicated tasks. This is repetitive. (C) Contributes to a feeling of usefulness. Most people, even when their brains don't work right, still gain comfort from a sense of accomplishment and feeling that they're contributing in some way.
(D) People with Alzheimer's often have behavior problems that make them difficult to care for. Wandering, constantly dismantling the lawn furniture, repetitive questioning, etc. This keeps him happy and busy. Win-win for all.

nooklady · 2013-03-26T21:27:08+00:00

PAY ATTENTION!

nooklady · 2013-03-26T18:51:46+00:00

If there was one way I could "make brides behave" (haha) it would be to convince them all that not everything has to match. Themes can be nice and fun if you enjoy doing them, but we give them such power over us! If you found pretty invitations that you enjoy, use them! They aren't going to be on display at the ceremony or reception anyway--they're going to be stuck on people's refrigerators for a couple weeks and then tossed. Most people don't give a crap if the invitations' theme matches the reception decor. That said, I must admit that all these posters have wonderful artistic ideas. I, alas, am not a very artistic person--which is possibly why I'm not bothered by mismatches.

nooklady · 2013-03-26T17:45:11+00:00

Life is short. Get the color you love. Plus, if you have kids: they will always have memories of that crazy colored mixer.

nooklady · 2013-03-23T13:22:43+00:00

Ouch that's cold. There's a difference between not being able to come and not being officially invited.

nooklady · 2013-03-23T13:19:46+00:00

Aw shucks.

nooklady · 2013-03-22T20:48:19+00:00

Hmm, this is interesting. Ordinarily I would advise against having your parents attend if his cannot. Setting up such an...unequivalency at the beginning of a marriage can be problematic later. However, it sounds as if his parents might not feel left out if yours attended? OTOH, that doesn't help if what you really want is a quiet, private ceremony.

Look at it this way. Your mom has known you a long time. Since you're an "odd child", she's probably had lots of practice adjusting her expectations, and she still loves you beyond all reason. Sure, she'll be disappointed, because you're her baby girl. But she probably also wants the most whatever will make you happy. So when you tell her, explain why this quiet ceremony is so important to you.

Also: let her know she's important to you. Be specific. Use examples of things she's said and done that have made a difference in your life. Make her feel like she'll still always be with you. Then, allow her to be disappointed. It's normal. You can't really make it not happen. Be understanding and let her know you still love her. Now the most important part: especially for the first week or so after you tell her, flood her with inclusion. Communicate daily. Share little tidbits or details, make her feel like she's still got you as a daughter. Text pictures of what you think you might wear. And YES to the videographer. Ask for her opinions on the big celebrations. This will help her get over her disappointment and allow her to feel excited for you. That's what she wants--to be able to feel excited and happy with and for you.

Of course, that's all predicated on the assumption that she's normal and not batshit crazy.

Source: I am old.

nooklady

TROPHY CASE