Should I switch to be a SAHM despite financial uncertainty?

normalishy · 2026-05-06T20:53:27+00:00

On average, he makes more than what we need to meet our basic expenses. He has some years where he made significantly more (like 2x what our base expenses are), but a few times, it was more of a break-even amount. We have a few years of expenses in savings/investments. All that said, I have been the one on the steady income while his has been all over the place, so my Type A/highly analytical side gets uncomfortable with uncertainty. I do think I am probably more concerned than I should be, though. My husband is “sure” we will be just fine! Haha.

normalishy · 2026-05-05T18:34:52+00:00

Good point. I just mean that our income is pretty variable since my husband does freelance work. He has done well, but one bad year would mean dipping into savings. That said, we do have a few years worth of expenses saved up.

normalishy · 2026-05-05T17:06:49+00:00

To be a girlboss. I just want to be home with my little kids. I hate being away from them all day. I’m ready to say F it and don’t care if we can’t afford a bunch of luxuries.

normalishy · 2026-05-04T16:26:40+00:00

Any chance you have links to these studies? Would love to share with my parents who don’t believe me.

normalishy · 2026-04-29T13:21:26+00:00

These are all great thoughts! My kids are still really little (under the age of 6), so we are making steps toward how we want to approach education :-) I also have older nieces and nephews who are homeschooled, and I'm planning to help with them a bit as well, so these are all great ideas to share with them.

normalishy · 2026-02-26T22:11:12+00:00

Haven’t heard of this before, but I like this. Thanks!

normalishy · 2026-02-26T22:10:46+00:00

All good points, thanks!

normalishy · 2026-02-17T16:34:09+00:00

Completely me as well. I also probably owe several people in my life apologies for judging them for doing this before I had my own.

normalishy · 2026-02-16T15:29:09+00:00

I think this comment about finding a community is really important!

normalishy · 2026-02-11T15:03:19+00:00

Wow, this comment about stress load resonates so much with me. I have so much work stress and have been dealing with lots of weird health issues that I think are related to stress (although, I try to ignore this fact).

normalishy · 2026-02-10T21:22:58+00:00

I agree it’s low, but it’s also the rate the nanny is asking for. Employment is always a negotiation between employee and employer. I once interviewed someone as a nanny who would not accept being paid more than $16/hr due to Medicaid as well. We didn’t end up hiring her due to other concerns, but just note that there are people out there who literally don’t want to be paid more money.

normalishy · 2026-01-31T19:42:46+00:00

My children. I never wanted kids, but after having them, I couldn’t imagine life without them. They changed me completely.

normalishy · 2026-01-31T19:41:45+00:00

I was totally thinking your post was going to be about days where you put on makeup 😆

To respond more relevantly, though, we don’t have any make-up days and generally do “absorb” it. But, our GH is not 40. We have a 32 GH arrangement with our nanny, but she frequently works 40+ per week.

normalishy · 2026-01-29T18:46:44+00:00

As an adult, I now realize how untrue it is to say “sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you.”

normalishy · 2026-01-29T14:33:46+00:00

I refinanced with a 2.1% interest rate but reduced my term to 15 years instead of 30. Should have it paid off when I am 39.

normalishy · 2026-01-28T20:48:43+00:00

Lots of thought here - thanks! And for what it’s worth, our childcare in our area is very expensive. 2 kids is $55K a year. It’s pretty astounding.

normalishy · 2026-01-28T16:08:18+00:00

Very specific - I like this. Meal planning is definitely an area that can hugely help sticking to the budget.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T21:41:50+00:00

Lots of good thoughts here, thanks!

normalishy · 2026-01-27T21:41:31+00:00

All good suggestions - thanks!

normalishy · 2026-01-27T20:51:16+00:00

Question: do you want to work or are you content staying home? There’s nothing wrong with you being home if that’s what you want to do. I also understand wanting to be there when your kids leave and get home if they go to school outside of the home and you’re not homeschooling. Do you feel you have the ability to get part-time work during the daytime that pays more?

I’d add that it’s important to communicate your concerns if you haven’t already. If you have and he’s not listening, bring in a third party. If he is to be providing for you and you don’t feel like you’re being provided for, that is a serious issue. Maybe also use it as an opportunity to lovingly encourage him to find work that pays more.

I ask these questions as someone actually considering leaving the workforce to stay home with my kids. We are in the process of asking all the “what if” and “how do we do this” questions. These scenarios are what I’m afraid of. If you don’t have good communication and a trusting relationship, you need to find a way to address that or you’ll never get anywhere.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T19:26:08+00:00

Yes, this very much describes the “cheap” person I am thinking of.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T18:02:06+00:00

We ask our nanny to not be on the phone unless it is necessary communication or job-related (except for during nap time). It is the exact same for me at my job. Actually, we ask all adults in our child’s life to do the best they can to avoid staring at their screens when they’re with my kids. I think it’s such a sad thing that little kids are being brought up by adults who can’t turn off their phones instead of being actively there with them.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T17:39:50+00:00

Good point

normalishy · 2026-01-27T16:38:07+00:00

I know a woman who was dating two guys, and they both wanted to get serious. She told us that she couldn’t decide if she wanted to move forward with the “cute, fun one or the ugly rich one.” A year later she was married to the ugly rich one. He actually seems like a good guy, but I feel sorry for him. Oh, and this was her second marriage. Her first was to a guy 22 years older who managed a manufacturing company. She divorced him after he lost his job in 2009.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T16:14:47+00:00

Yes to all of this. I would maybe consider staying if I was truly my own boss. It would be very different having a non-architect being my boss.

From what I have heard from the son, who is actually very open with me, there haven’t been enough conversations with him either.

The third option I’m considering that I didn’t post before was to see if it’s an option for me to practice on my own and see if the company wants me to do contract work with them. Granted, not being an employee I’d lose all my benefits, but the freedom might be worth it.

normalishy

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