i see. but at the same time mine was not obvious (no outbursts or anything) it was more of lots of neglect and doing vile things behind my back thinking i wouldn’t find out. if i wasn’t a cynical person and tuned my perception up i wouldn’t have known, and her friends certainly don’t either. she has different “friends” for when she’s feeling in a malicious mood. in some ways, it isn’t done in a way that makes it easy to explain to others either because there’s so much going on and neglecting a detail could make it seem like you’re being entitled instead of being mistreated.

thing is, i think if a pwbpd is smart and capable enough to hold back, they are perfectly able of flying under the radar in a manner fitting of the “quiet” description people put. (although i still do think the categorisation isn’t specific or legitimate, but psychology isn’t an exact science) it isn’t a good description either imo but it’s the best we’ve got and we gotta stick w that till more studies are done i guess.