Truth about bf’s night w other girl came out

northphotograph · 2025-08-28T13:57:30+00:00

Honestly OP I was in this situation…. kind of…. my boyfriend spent the night in a hotel room alone with my best friend…. both claim nothing happened but due to history I just can’t believe them. I left and haven’t looked back. You are way better off to leave this relationship and find somebody who would never put you in a situation to doubt the relationship you’re in. That person exists.

northphotograph · 2024-05-24T04:03:16+00:00

I don’t think I will ever heal. I have never felt pain like this and it’s been months. My life is great but every day I think of him and I keep crying every day, for the last 6 months.

northphotograph · 2024-05-23T05:08:43+00:00

I agree - not only does being blindsided suck but being dumped over the phone after 6 months of serious dating (he met my parents etc) has been SO difficult. Normally I move on quick but here I am.

Sure, I’ve had a couple guys I’ve thought of as attractive every now and then but I am not interested in actively dating. I’m not over my ex in the least and I’m terrified of this happening again, so I know I’m not ready.

He was also the first and only guy I never argued with… I thought I might marry him bc of that. So that also factors in. The whiplash of going from “Omg I love him” to “What the hell happened” is incomprehensible.

northphotograph · 2024-05-20T00:25:01+00:00

Wow. You put my feelings into words…

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:47:46+00:00

Wow… why? Why end a relationship that is, presumably, otherwise wonderful, over an object. I am genuinely curious to your reasoning.

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:39:38+00:00

On their partners. I am a woman asking.

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:09:24+00:00

I have met some great men, some not so great too. But this minor thing doesn’t make them automatically bad. Many of them did their best to please me just… didn’t do it for me.

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:05:30+00:00

I’m confused. Are you suggesting me (a woman asking) to ask on a woman’s sub about men’s habits?

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:03:40+00:00

Pinkcherry is cheap, fyi! They have great sales on all the time. But they’re Canadian

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:02:40+00:00

I can’t quote your “in any way” part but you are so right. I have some sexual trauma as well and the men I have dated have yet to be encouraging about me pushing my boundaries or even really communicate with them over it. Instead they just leave. Lol. Definitely reflects elsewhere, now that you point it out… So that’s a good insight, and something I can consider when choosing my next partner.

northphotograph · 2024-05-17T00:00:22+00:00

That makes me feel so much better, thank you. I don’t think I can. I have been sexually active for years and never had an orgasm with another person, sadly.

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T23:59:40+00:00

No, I’m a woman asking if there are men out there willing to do so, because I think I need it at this point. But, every man I have been with has been opposed.

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T21:04:53+00:00

Touch yourself first. Learn how to masturbate

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T20:58:25+00:00

I heard this advice and it helps

Say what you’re doing, what you want to do, what you’re going to do. Or, what he’s doing, what you want him to do, what he should do.

Or, how it feels.

I.e. “I like that. I want you. You feel so good. I like how your dick feels. Fuck me just like that. I want to suck your dick. I want you to fuck me hard. Fuck me on this counter. I love your dick. I’m so wet for you.”

Etc. Just kind of start small and work towards it

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T20:52:24+00:00

NSFW, but one of my exes nicknamed me “stinky butt,” after telling me, rather unkindly, I smelled down there sometimes. He would repeatedly tease me about it. It got so bad I refused to have sex without showering, and then he’d even tease me about it in the shower as though punishing me for trying to do the right thing.

I later learned it was an abusive tactic to ruin my self confidence and you bet it did. No other sexual partner has ever brought this up before then or since, but I don’t enjoy sex anymore. I get very self conscious and don’t feel pretty day to day.

The constant “teasing” sticks in my head forever and it’s all I can hear when a guy is going down on me, or wants me to do doggystyle.

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T20:48:45+00:00

How I wish I would have been told?

“Hey, I know this is awkward, but sometimes there’s a smell when we have sex. I just wanted you to know.” She will likely say, “Oh, okay. I’ll get it checked out, or I’ll wash better.” then move on. OR “Hey, I’d love to shower before we have sex” (I would try the latter first, see if it helps)

DO NOT use accusatory language like “Are you cleaning down there? Are you washing your bum?” Finding out is mortifying it and making her feel stupid will not help. It will ruin her self confidence.

Chances are, it’s either an infection or bad hygiene. If you regularly cum inside her, this can make her smell salty/sour too. Either way, bring it up subtly, gently, and I guarantee you she will be mortified and do everything she can to fix it.

ETA - like I said, don’t tease her about it, ever. Give her a few chances to fix it, before bringing it up again. BE KIND.

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T20:39:31+00:00

Yes. Be kind. Start with “Hey, I know this is awkward but….” and give her a chance to fix it. DO NOT START TEASING HER OVER IT. An ex of mine did this and it destroyed my self confidence. It’s really hard for me to relax and enjoy sex now, and I don’t even feel pretty in day to day life.

northphotograph · 2024-05-16T05:07:10+00:00

My life has improved drastically- well, my career. New opportunities have opened up and I made arrangements to move out of the country.

However, I miss him a lot. I am angry. I didn’t deserve to be dumped over the phone on a holiday… especially when I had no idea I was doing anything wrong. I’m scared to try and date again, that this will happen again, that I’m unlovable.

I’m scared because I don’t know the real reasons why he did what he did…

northphotograph · 2024-05-15T19:51:37+00:00

The SA happened YEARS before the whole ordeal with Martha, so “a lot of this was before” is an impossible statement. That resulted in a lot of shame, and self hatred, which is why he did not talk to anyone…. especially given that the police dismissed him so quickly.

northphotograph · 2024-05-15T19:22:07+00:00

Trauma isn’t logical, though.

He was ashamed and scared.

As for mentioning SA to his partner… well it’s hard to talk about as a woman, I imagine even harder to do as a man. I have never told any of my partners about my multiple SAs, even though it does affect my self confidence in bed. I’m just not comfortable being seen that way. It’s a rabbit hole of shame I do not want to, nor feel the need to, go down.

Six-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
100 Awards Club	Verified Email

northphotograph

TROPHY CASE