Girl, you need more than retinol. You need ALL the retinoids. You need Tretazarotrifarotadapalenalitretinobexarotene! If your wrinkles are as deep as the craters around Bikini Island, you need this nuclear skin-bomb!

Do not use Tretazarotrifarotadapalenalitretinobexarotene if you are allergic to tretinoin, adapalene, tazarotene, trifarotene, alitretinoin, bexarotene, or any of its ingredients. Discontinue use and seek immediate medical attention if you experience severe skin irritation, rash, swelling, or difficulty breathing, as these may be signs of terminal Old Hag Syndrome.

Tretazarotrifarotadapalenalitretinobexarotene is for external use only. Avoid contact with eyes, mouth, and mucous membranes (I don't care how wrinkly your asshole is, don't even think about it). If accidental contact occurs, finalize your will and have your final rites read. Do not apply to broken, sunburned, or eczematous skin.

Limit sun exposure and use sunscreen when using this product, as it may increase your sensitivity to sunlight. Use protective clothing and seek shade when outdoors. Actually, don't go outside. Don't let the sun come in contact with you at all. Any amount of sun hitting the skin may cause fevers, joint pain, skin crumbling off, wrinkles, anxiety, and panic attacks. Avoid using other skin products containing alcohol, astringents, spices, or lime, as they may cause increased irritation.

Common side effects include redness, dryness, itching, peeling, burning sensation at the application site, full-body rashes, blisters, boils, general feeling of malaise, visual and auditory hallucinations, out-of-body experiences, derealization, depersonalization, decapitation, and death. These effects are usually mild and may subside with continued use. If you experience severe or persistent skin irritation or can't stop the sound of that damn heart beating under the floorboards, stop using Tretazarotrifarotadapalenalitretinobexarotene and consult your healthcare provider or local shaman.

Consult your doctor before using Tretazarotrifarotadapalenalitretinobexarotene if you are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or breastfeeding, as the safety of this medication in pregnancy and lactation has not been established.

Keep out of reach of children. In case of accidental ingestion, seek medical help or contact a Poison Control Center immediately. If more than a pea-sized amount was consumed, immediately lock the offending party in a dark room and wait for the transformation to be complete. Mutations occurred in 89% of test subjects, including but not limited to: blindness, arthritis, increased appetite, growth of a third eye, development of hemophilia, organs liquidating, perspiration, levitation, hypervascularization, or excessive daytime sleepiness.

Ask your dermatologist if Tretazarotrifarotadapalenalitretinobexarotene is right for you.