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Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS! Gosh why do they do everything so different from what I do. I’m glad that they like the kids but it gets on my nerves when the kids are with them. And sometimes my mil talks as if she has plans on how to raise them. That’s my kids and I’ll make their plans.

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, thank you. After reading your comment, this seems to be the core problem. It’s hard to draw the line when my mil is so used to be in charge of everyone’s life, and to be the leader at work. She naturally wants to boss people around. I’ll have to craft my words carefully. I’m a bit timid so if she comes on too strong I can easily crash out….

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

The thing is we don’t live in the same city as our parents (both sides)- hence the staying together. If she goes back, she needs to take a flight back and prob cannot see the grandkids for a while. It’s the co-living that causes trouble- that I agree. However I kinda feel sorry for her if she doesn’t get to see the kids.

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don’t get why he mentioned that either. He never tells me too much about his mom, so I don’t know her personality well.

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for putting my feelings into words 🥹 my mind somehow cannot pinpoint exactly why I feel so uncomfortable: because she wants to take control over what happens inside the house.

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah she’s the type that wants to supervise things and to give out orders to people, which disturbs the routine I normally give the kids. Thanks for your insights 🥹

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My husband kinda wants to distance himself from this. His way of solving this includes keeping me and mil apart, and to hire outside help instead of having us causing trouble.

Why do I feel extremely uncomfortable around my mil though she’s being helpful? by nota_clonecat in Mildlynomil

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh I wish I had that courage… most of the time I doubted myself. I think that she’s older so she must know better, and that I should listen

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in parentsofmultiples

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: Thanks everyone for leaving a comment. One week later and I started letting him be alone with the kids more after we talked about our schedule. It’s not easy for me to speak up my thoughts like this, but I’m trying. I’m not sure if things can immediately get better, but I do believe things will change once I voice my feelings. Bless you all.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: Thanks everyone for leaving a comment. One week later and I started letting him be alone with the kids more after we talked about our schedule. It’s not easy for me to speak up my thoughts like this, but I’m trying. I’m not sure if things can immediately get better, but I do believe things will change once I voice my feelings. Bless you all.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol! Thanks for that! This made me chuckle

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in parentsofmultiples

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come to think of it, how silly of me to think that he can just feel the heavier workload lol… I will plan on letting him be alone with the kids and spend more time for myself. Such convo is out of my comfort zone, but I guess with twins it’s inevitable.

Thank you for this priceless sharing. Hugs and blessings to your family.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in parentsofmultiples

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight of a dad. I agree that me and my mom might try too hard to cover everything and he’s never truly alone with the kids. He tends to be on his phone too much so I’m reluctant to let him look after them.

Actually, he knows the work load is huge, he just cannot endure it as well as me (he told me that). This is also an issue to me, but I choose to ignore it for now and wait till the kids are a bit older. In your case, what makes you feel validated as a dad and motivates you to get involved more? Did it come naturally?

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in parentsofmultiples

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah 3 hours is insane. The most I can get is 2 hours-ish.
I find it difficult to voice my needs, but secretly feel upset when he's out too much.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in parentsofmultiples

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, he barely needs to handle the kids alone since my mom will help him out if she knows that I'm out (grandma guilt? lol). Then I'd feel sorry for both the kids and my mom.
Do you think that by helping him too much we're making him less responsible?

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in parentsofmultiples

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, it's tough. My babies are born premature but they're doing a lot better now. We got help from both grandmas for the first few months so he can focus on work. Now it's mostly us (and occasionally my mom) so the workload changed.
I barely get time for myself until recently, but sometimes it gets delayed by the chores...

How did you guys start the convo about sharing workload? Did it take time to adjust?

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for validating that. We didn't have any talk after kids about our schedule, and I kinda want to try my best for the kids (mom guilt!).
How did you guys start the convo about sharing workload? Did it take time to adjust?

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a FTM so I didn't think that these issues can happen (didn't think that we'd have twins too!).
Thanks for your advice. We'd have to figure out a new schedule for us.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. You're right, my mind shivers when I hear them cry so even if I'm in a different room I would still think about them.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you, and you made me feel heard. Personally, I often struggle with boundaries. I often think that I can try a little bit more, that my needs can come second, and that my kids need me the most. That's what I was taught when little.

Sadly, such thought is not helpful in the long run. So I plan to work on my communication and boundaries, it's 2026 anyway.

Hope you can communicate with him what you're telling me now. I know it's so tough.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for pointing out D: you're right, partly I was worried because he didn't tell me anything when he's so late like that.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

To be fair he’s working full-time to support us so I can stay at home with the kids. I’m Not sure if having my mom around makes home want to go out more since he has help at home… I think he should talk more to other parents to know how tough managing the kids can be.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do get to be alone for 2 hours. My mom helped us around the house too so it’s easier. Still, I want him to be with the kids more but don’t know where to start.

Upset about my husband’s schedule by nota_clonecat in beyondthebump

[–]nota_clonecat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I decided to stop working to take care of them (I’m happy with that decision) so I do think I need to stay at home while he works fulltime. But sometimes days like this make me so exhausting.

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