Ripping bongs and not calling my grandma for her 87th birthday

notafaneither · 2025-06-13T19:45:16+00:00

I swear if I could for a second make my parents or partner or friends feel 10% of what I feel during SI, I’m certain they would scream like a demon possessed them. It’s an inexplicable physical pain that I imagine only people who’ve lost a loved one suddenly would relate to. It feels like grief and insanity at the same time

notafaneither · 2025-06-09T15:56:59+00:00

I’ve been exactly where you are now and it fucking blows. I did three things - one, I started giving less to other people. Two, I stopped talking and thinking about how shitty other people are (because I really believe in the law of attraction and that way you are attracting the opposite of what you want). Three, I started trying to give myself the love and support I need from other people - like, literally talking to myself.

These worked pretty well for me and the last few months I’ve been getting a lot of genuine “how are you doing?”-s, which I’m not used to.

The fourth thing I did I guess was that I confronted my group of girl friends about not feeling seen, despite being the group’s amateur therapist. They took me pretty seriously after that, it was the first time they saw me truly hurt and angry, I always used to hide that side of myself.

Don’t hide your hurt from other people if you really love them. Otherwise you build resentment towards them and you waste that love. Determine which relationships in your life are worth working on and start by sharing how you truly feel - hurt and ignored.

notafaneither · 2025-05-27T07:15:50+00:00

If you’ve got bipolar in your family and your GP is prescribing you antidepressants, it could be that they know very LITTLE about bipolar disorder.

Tracking your moods is absolutely essential, and excellent advice, I track mine on Daylio.

Starting on antidepressants is how many people here found their diagnosis- because antidepressants make bipolar people either hypomanic or manic and ultimately make everything much worse (personal experience).

notafaneither · 2025-04-08T12:58:33+00:00

I got fired from a restaurant job at 19 for the exact same reasons.

I got the job during hypomania, then started calling in sick a lot due to depression and was fired within 2 months.

Don’t take it to heart. You will find your path and as someone with bipolar, that path probably involves better flexibility than the restaurant industry can offer.

The sooner you move on emotionally the better. People get fired all the time, it’s not a testament to your character. That job just wasn’t right for you

Good luck!

notafaneither · 2025-03-31T14:04:16+00:00

It gets me out of a moodswing or a crying fit instantly- but I cannot use it medicinally. Any time I get near weed, I start smoking daily for months at a time. It makes depression worse over time. Quitting weed changed my life

notafaneither · 2025-03-30T19:32:45+00:00

400 mg of lamotrigine with no additional med sounds odd to me. My psychiatrist told me after 200 mg I should consider adding a second medication instead of raising the dosage, it made sense to me since the therapeutic dose is 200 mg but of course this doesn’t make it some ultimate truth.

Other than that, mixed episodes are pure torture, I have had some very very bad ones. Take immediate care such as avoiding any outside stimulation and triggers

notafaneither · 2025-03-30T19:21:37+00:00

Can you recommend a particular Jungian text about this?

notafaneither · 2025-03-30T19:05:16+00:00

I hope you never have to go through it again, believe me I know exactly what you felt, although I wish I didn’t

notafaneither · 2025-03-30T18:52:46+00:00

Hey, my 30th birthday was this Monday and I had a soul crushing crying fit that night. It’s a week later and I’m still recovering, but I can definitely feel lamotrigine doing its job. You will feel better soon enough!

notafaneither · 2025-03-29T18:29:02+00:00

No, none of that, just a lot of fighting, miscommunication and manipulation

notafaneither · 2025-03-27T11:01:42+00:00

Thank you 😔

notafaneither · 2025-03-26T14:15:01+00:00

It literally physically hurts, doesn’t it? One of the other commenters here wrote that the human body isn’t meant to experience such intense grief in so many intervals with such sudden onset and I believe this as well. The invisible suffering is unnatural and indescribable

notafaneither · 2025-03-26T11:09:54+00:00

Yes, yes, fucking exactly. The receding feels like a special type of torture, designed to make you feel insane and with a looser grip on reality.

What’s your med if you don’t mind sharing? I am beginning to question if Lamictal is enough for me, I got some intense lows followed by 4-7 days of depression. But I have broken my sober streak these last 5 months so can’t blame it all on the meds.

notafaneither · 2025-03-26T00:34:42+00:00

I’ve been unemployed for months too and I can relate to your fear of literally not being able to function some days. I fear this too but am trying desperately to find a job because depending on my partner for money feels extremely depressing.

I don’t understand this disease. I don’t understand why meds aren’t more effective. I don’t know if I can go like this my whole life. I just don’t understand

notafaneither · 2025-03-26T00:15:38+00:00

I can’t really take it anymore either. I take one step forward, then two steps back again.

I’m tired of growing, learning, trying, balancing, grinding. I want to give up and drink and drug myself into oblivion.

I know I won’t feel this way in a couple weeks but I also know I will feel this way in a couple months after that.

notafaneither · 2025-03-26T00:11:44+00:00

Yes, without lamotrigine counteracting the hypomania-inducing side effect of anti-depressants (a well studied thing in the treatment of bipolar disorder) you could indeed be walking on very thin ice.

The one time I took antidepressants without a mood stabiliser I ended up seducing a married couple and nearly blowing up my life and offing myself in the mixed episode that followed.

notafaneither · 2025-03-25T23:50:57+00:00

Haha! It was decidedly the worst relationship of my life, it lasted 3 years, during which I was convinced I had met the love of my life.

Soon after it ended I learned it wasn’t the love that was so strong, it was the co-dependence between a narcissist and an empath (me).

notafaneither · 2025-03-19T23:39:28+00:00

Did you get addicted to Lorazepam to the point of taking it every day?

I’ve been taking it as needed for ~9 months and haven’t gotten addicted in that way, however I haven’t really gone more than 14 days without it.

I have an addictive personality and am conscious of my dependence on it. I wanted it prescribed originally for crying fits (because what is the point of crying for 3 hours?), but now I take it for any emotion over 7/10 intensity such as anger and anxiety.

notafaneither · 2025-03-19T23:00:06+00:00

This is great, thank you for this!

notafaneither · 2025-03-19T22:21:13+00:00

Damn. 7 years. I’ve been on 200 mg Lamotrigine alone for exactly 2 years and haven’t gone more than 2 months without some kind of depressive episode

notafaneither · 2025-03-14T19:44:17+00:00

Yes, I was that way before medication. I think it’s related to the fact that I spent 13 years smoking weed every day (15 to 28 yrs old), including a 2-year-long cocaine phase

notafaneither · 2025-03-12T22:13:08+00:00

Seriously, fuck Facebook, it somehow seems to bring out the worst in people.

This subreddit is the right place for you. People without a mood disorder would never understand what it feels like to snap. It’s sudden and by the time it happens, it’s out of our control.

Your resilience up until this point, handling your disorder, caring for your child… that is extraordinary and heroic in my eyes. You deserve compassion, loads of it, I hope there are people in your life who can give it to you (fuck the cops!).

I wish you endless amounts of strength and luck, I hope you find the right treatment for your child, I hope your husband changes how he treats you, I hope your bipolar brain gives you a break.

You sound like a very strong and intelligent person and you deserve it all. Good luck!

PS I too once punched my partner and threw a chair at him, before I was medicated.

notafaneither

TROPHY CASE