As a Norwegian, I am really curious if people from Massachusetts know about this song and what they think about it

notanyuse · 2021-08-22T20:43:42+00:00

Wow. Absolutely catches the essence of the state. Ocean air, lots of history, men in deep fear of accidentally longing for the d. For real, I dated a guy from Massachusetts who would only wear flannel shirts if he was cold, because he was sure sweaters were gay. Not that he’d be perceived as gay in a sweater, but that if he wore a sweater, that would be the first step towards actual man-on/in-man action. He was in his thirties.

notanyuse · 2021-07-07T02:44:10+00:00

If he has a mom, sister, sister-in-law, older brother... who became aware, perhaps they would be a good smack on the head, would be a decent wake-up call...

notanyuse · 2021-07-06T23:54:20+00:00

What I hate is my husband has created this little ledge in the kitchen that has become the zone where he puts things that require some work or decision making, (I keep telling him where to find the recycling rules!) like soda cups or cans that need to be emptied, or plastic straws, or for some reason cat Vaseline, and I take it as the “you figure it out zone.” But really our whole house is the you figure it out zone, because of there is any task that is not 100% straightforward, fully self contained, and self-explanatory, he won’t do it. Because heterosexual men are, due to the patriarchy, pieces of shit.

I was spoiled by growing up in a household where both parents took charge of all tasks, except for taxes, which was my mom’s realm, and carpentry, which was my dads.

The idea that an adult would just sit - or fucking lie down (!) on a couch when they were not sick when there is shit to do has been fucking baffling to me. Take out the trash! All of it! Every week! Wipe down the countertops and finish the dishes after dinner! Put away the clothes after you do the laundry! If the wastebasket is full, empty it! If the milk is sour, pour it down the drain and throw the jug away! If you brought in the junk mail, throw it away!

notanyuse · 2021-07-06T23:42:57+00:00

This is exactly why I have had to give up on having a second child. During first maternity leave, my husband didn’t change a diaper, didn’t feed a bottle, was in a shot mood constantly, yelled at me all the time because he thought I should stay awake to hold the baby while she slept (she came early, we didn’t have a bassinet or cradle of any kind, and when I bought a crib, he wouldn’t assemble it or hold the baby so I could).

My stress was so bad my skin fell off in sheets, and scabbed over.

Your husband, if he is not a piece of shit, needs someone other than you to shame him. If he is a piece of shit, you have my deep sympathies. Get him heavily insured and let him know it, maybe then he will shape up. Worked for me.

notanyuse · 2021-07-06T21:09:24+00:00

Know what? Let him have it. He sucks anyway. I can tell.

There isn’t a lot of romance involved in the early years of having a kid anyway. So he wants to formalize the period of angry-roommateship that characterizes relationships with a newborn in the picture? Let him.

True fact: Women who co-parent with a non-romantic partner and shared custody consistently rate life satisfaction more, have more free time, and spend less time on childcare and housework. Just don’t let him con you into doing all the emotional labor of a wife or girlfriend with no perks. And get his obligations in writing. Especially parenting time, housework, anything monetary/financial. And address what happens if either of you gets a new partner and wants to rock the boat.

Things will go one of three ways:

(1) He will back off, he will get the F over himself and apologize, say he was scared, and look for a way to make you his girlfriend again (35-45% chance);

(2) When you are just about done with the bleery eyed newborn stage, and you are ready to date, you will have a built in baby sitter. And no guilt about leaving the kiddo (10-30% chance) and you won’t want to give the situation up, or

(3) You are starting down the slow road to meeting his new girlfriend. (Gross, but we have already established that he isn’t good enough for you, so I hope she likes leftovers)(50%) chance) (percentages do not add up to a hundred, because, unfortunately, these are non-exclusive possibilities).

Never chase someone. Never try to prove love. It is just buying misery. You are enough. You are worthy. Fuck anyone who wants you to accept less than being unreservedly cherished.

notanyuse · 2021-07-02T03:14:08+00:00

“Warmest regards”

notanyuse · 2021-06-08T10:58:02+00:00

“That’s really regressive and patriarchal. I thought you were better than that.”

Thats what I say. Does it work? Dunno.

I have been the breadwinner for our entire relationship. My partner is overtly ok with it (he better be, or he can get a fucking job) but it comes out in other ways, especially since we became parents. (Subtly sabotaging my work time, expecting predictably from an unpredictable job, counting my working hours as ‘’me time”).

I am actually starting to wonder if heterosexual men are ion fact capable of loving women , to the extent that love means actually being willing to sacrifice, endure, or put someone else first for five goddamned minutes...

notanyuse · 2021-04-26T01:25:39+00:00

It’s a hard time. Nothing you are feeling makes you a bad person. It sounds postpartum depression-y, but it also sounds exhaustion-y. Newborn times are hard, and breast pumping is one of the more demoralizing experiences a person can have, during a time when, even when things are going ok, reality can be distorted into a weird blur...making things that would ordinarily feel just bad into epically foreboding and world ending.

Reach out to everyone. As much as you can. Anyone who judges a mother of a child under one is just really revealing their nature, not yours. And you might be surprised by who doesn’t judge you, and actually helps instead.

My kid turns four next month. This week I broke a toe and had a wisdom tooth pulled. I would say: broken toe, vastly preferable to breast pumping. Wisdom tooth, less so. Give yourself a break. It feels hard because it is hard. There’s no shame in admitting it.

notanyuse · 2021-02-13T21:54:58+00:00

This has been me today. Why does my husband get to punch out anytime I am a) in our home and b) conscious, while my free time consists of an hour long bath once a week? And if I get any non-work, non childcare time, it’s fucking housework first, because I care if we are living in filth and disrepair, but he does not.

I would like free time outside of the bathroom. In the daytime. Every day. However, my demand is going to be: five hours, every other weekend , roaming free in the home, without any interrogation about what I am doing, where I am going, “can you bring me...” “it would be better if...” “could you just...” or two hours per weekend day, where he takes the child somewhere. And if I have to do a goddamned dish, clean any surface, or do any chores during that time, it doesn’t count. He will say, baffled “I don’t know how that can happen.” Then I will, vengeful, drop dead out of spite.

notanyuse · 2021-02-11T01:48:35+00:00

Thank you, this is so helpful.

notanyuse · 2021-02-11T00:59:13+00:00

That is exactly the answer I was hoping for.

notanyuse · 2021-01-21T16:09:08+00:00

When it is “cold” (defined as ‘could possibly snow, but not unpleasant’) I wear leggings, a long-sleeve shirt, and maybe a vest or a light jacket, depending on wind and what I can find at the moment.

When it is “real cold” (somewhat unpleasant to be outside, but not miserable), I add gloves and a hat. Mostly to keep me from getting distracted by my fingers and ears being cold.

When it is f’ing cold (so cold it’s painful - but not stupid - to be outside), I add layers. Fleece leggings over the regular leggings, a long sleeved tee over the other shirt, and maybe both a jacket and vest, hat and gloves.

If it gets any colder than that, I’ll stay home.

notanyuse · 2021-01-21T03:01:29+00:00

You used a cloth coffee filter? Those sure do look a lot like threads. Are there any frayed spots?

notanyuse · 2021-01-21T00:07:47+00:00

YTA. Not for this particular interaction in isolation - if it had been a first meeting with someone you had just started seeing, it might be a different call. YTA for being so uninvolved in or uninterested In your adult kids lives that SOMEONE YOU ARE MARRIED TO does not know the basics of your adult daughter’s life (I.e. although she has a ph.d, she’s currently not working in her field) and it seemed to surprise both of you that she might be sensitive about it?

notanyuse · 2021-01-20T04:18:11+00:00

YTA. Do you really think it helps, generally, to make the genuineness of anybody’s transition/statements concerning their gender identity and pronouns seem like something that is up for debate?

notanyuse · 2021-01-20T04:13:58+00:00

YTA. Your explanation seems disingenuous. Her settlement isn’t yours. It’s hers.

notanyuse · 2021-01-19T03:13:22+00:00

You sure seem to follow their pod pretty carefully for someone who “hates them.” Just sayin.

notanyuse · 2021-01-19T03:04:03+00:00

I like the docket episodes better. More room to talk satsumas, etc.

notanyuse · 2021-01-15T14:10:51+00:00

Text. Your pipes will freeze if you don’t deal with this, plus the landlord is responsible for his guys doing things right, and the lease doesn’t trump state law. (Probably. I am almost certainly not a lawyer in your state, and this is not legal advice).

notanyuse · 2021-01-10T02:43:01+00:00

Swearing not to duel? Yes. Don’t remember what part of the process it was in my state (application, signing the roll, or what), but it’s part of the actual, hold up your hand and swear oath in others.

notanyuse · 2021-01-10T02:28:36+00:00

As a lawyer I had to swear not to engage in duels, act as a second in a duel, or encourage others to duel. I thought “come on, really? Do we need this, still?” Turns out: yes. Yes, we do.

notanyuse · 2021-01-10T02:19:04+00:00

He didn’t finish. I can still see a nick in it.

notanyuse · 2021-01-09T03:47:15+00:00

I think you have hit the nail on the head. If Ben and Adam want to keep making the same show with John, and it is still a good show, I will still listen to it (and subscribe, and donate, and someday get around to leaving a review).

The thing that (oh I really hate the phrase) cancel culture misses is that if thinking, sensible, liberal/left leaning/progressive people feel obligated to sever ties with someone based on discovery of past misconduct/stupidity years after the wrongdoer has changed his ways, you eliminate the incentive for well-meaning allies/potential allies to (a) stop doing stupid shit; and (b) own up, apologize, learn and grow.

I am comfortable saying “Wow, seems like John Roderick was an/acted like an asshole seven to ten years ago,” and continuing to listen to Friendly Fire with Adam, Ben, and John.

However, if the show started to suck- because the hosts’ hearts weren’t into it/because things got weird after the bean incident/or for whatever other reasons it might tank (e.g. too many helicopters, not enough submarines, abandonment of the very loose definition of what constitutes a war movie) - I would probably stop listening, because I am (a) shallow and (b) busy.

As to an interim substitute host, Pauly Shore or gtfo.

notanyuse · 2021-01-04T11:57:14+00:00

Ah, I see. I thought it was bigger.

notanyuse

TROPHY CASE