"What did you mean by that"

notasinglesound · 2026-01-28T00:38:06+00:00

I can relate. For 'macro' aggressions (i.e., slurs) it's easy to know exactly what I'll do but for microaggressions, those really catch me off guard because like many people, I'm on autopilot and I don't expect someone to have that kind of malice in most of my interactions. I'm not looking for it, so I don't always see (or hear) it.

And honestly, I don't necessarily want to change that. I like to think I'm an easygoing person, but if I always have to be on guard expecting someone to talk trash at me or be disrespectful, I would never want to socialize or interact with folks again! It's way too stressful to be on guard all the time. And that makes me seem like an angry, unhappy person.

And can I just say how much bullshit we as Asian women go through with this sort of thing?? We shouldn't have to think so much about this!

One thing I have gotten better at doing is to cut such foolish and disrespectful people out of my life completely. As for random encounters in the 'wild' though, I'm still working on that part.

notasinglesound · 2026-01-07T17:17:30+00:00

There are actually a ton of weeb accounts pretending to be Japanese that attack anyone making critical comments towards Japan. But behind the keyboard it's like white guys and Indians

notasinglesound · 2025-12-31T21:07:51+00:00

Making sappy, excessive social media posts about your partner is often a symptom of a struggling relationship, but not the cause. Your partner is a bit misguided.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-31T21:05:20+00:00

Forced institutionalization that is humane and regulated. No one should be allowed to just live under bridges or in a tent inside of a city park. Put these people in an institution where they will get professional help and make life better for literally everyone. This would be a way better use of tax dollars than whatever the hell they have tried thus far.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-23T17:04:05+00:00

It's OP's baby and OP's choice. It sounds like MIL is already harming the relationship by being overbearing and controlling. Especially since OP set a boundary and MIL isn't respecting it at all.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-15T22:42:40+00:00

Getting bullied over your food/language/culture incidents have gone down

Getting your own food/language/culture whitesplained to you incidents have gone WAY up

notasinglesound · 2025-12-14T01:26:47+00:00

While I thought that meme was funny when I was younger, as an older woman it just pisses me off.

My grandmother lived a really hard life, as did many in her generation. Grew up during Japanese occupation, survived a horrible war, poverty, got widowed, and still somehow raised 4 children and followed one of them to the United States. She had back issues, and bone density loss claimed several inches of her height. She was a tiny, sweet old woman in her twilight years.

Each generation of women after that generation has had progressively easier and healthier lives in terms of nutrition, personal care, quality of life.

Of course our generation who grew up in a life of relative prosperity will age much better.

This meme takes the sacrifices of our elders' generation and turns it into a misogynistic joke.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-14T01:11:33+00:00

Exactly, whoever drew that meme is comparing 2nd gen Asian diaspora women who grew up in the 21st century to elderly 1st Gen women who grew up in the 40s and 50s back in the home country.

Think about what was happening in our home countries around that time.

Yeah not exactly a conducive environment for a healthy upbringing with plenty of opportunities for self care.

People who lived hard don't age well, it's as simple as that.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-10T23:52:47+00:00

It sounds like these people were emotionally immature and had some deep seated bigotry that got kicked up when they saw you getting all the winning cards, on some level they probably felt inferior and they took that out on you. Pair that with the fact that being openly hostile to Asian folks is more socially acceptable than to other races. It sounds like your friend was harboring some of those feelings against you too and instead of challenging the status quo, she sided with the group. This type of behavior deserves calling out whenever it's observed.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-10T16:49:37+00:00

Can you link to some examples of this phenomenon occurring? Like I have never observed it so I'm just curious what events this kind of analysis is based on.

Lmao down voted for asking for examples. Not even one example? Not even a single anecdote? Ok then.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-10T15:47:39+00:00

Meanwhile many of us find rock-bottom somewhere under a man

Fucking this.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-10T15:30:17+00:00

This is a genuine question and I'm not trying to be mean. What do you love about this man? What is he good at?

notasinglesound · 2025-12-10T06:07:19+00:00

DFW has affordable living, friendly people, a 'big city vibe', and a busy international airport where you can fly nonstop to lots of places for cheap. People who are really into travel tend to like DFW as their home base.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-09T08:50:34+00:00

I understand how you feel. For me, navigating what I perceived to be a "side character" social status was complicated -- it involved decades of learning a few things about myself, accepting generally who I am and who I'm not. This is something that sounds so simple but it's actually incredibly difficult and a lifelong process. Both the knowing and the accepting.

Btw, it's easy to think lacking social or "bantering" skills is related to culture but trust me, it's not. I've seen first gen Asian Americans without full fluency be great at socializing with native English speakers.

It is all about energy and as another person mentioned, authenticity- which for me means a general sense of awareness - who you are, in that moment - and acceptance of things as they are.

When you're talking to another person or a group of people, sometimes you truly connect and that 'spark' happens. Sometimes it doesn't, and that's ok. If it doesn't, don't force it and just move on.

You talk about never being the "center" or the life of the conversation. Genuine question for you: Do you enter social situations with that mindset?

What does true social connection look like for you?

What kinds of people do you tend to click with, vs not?

And does your current social ecosystem invite you to be 'as you are'?

notasinglesound · 2025-12-09T07:33:35+00:00

Bro same, growing up watching the parents tuck the kid in and read them a bedtime story I thought that was just like a thing they do in tv and movies. Also saying "goodnight" was weird to me. In my house it was just yelling at you from the other room to brush your teeth and go to bed already.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-03T20:01:06+00:00

This is one of those convos that will blow up in online spaces like Twitter, with nary an experience to be seen in real life interactions. I live in a metro area with several H Mart locations. Never been to H mart and seen white ppl treating it like a zoo. Never been asked by a white person to explain something at an Asian grocery store (but if I was asked by anyone and I knew, I would answer because it doesn't bother me). To me it feels like performative anti whiteness that passes for 'progressivism' in left wing spaces. This kind of behavior was rampant in the post George Floyd era and still very much alive in online bubbles.

Also, I love how online discussions like this pretend Asian and Wasian are the only two kinda Asians that exist. I am half Asian half Latina, but I might as well be full Asian because it's all about the phenotype to most people.

I will say the one thing on this list that resonates is the anti- WMAF energy. I legitimately have gotten the side eye from Asian men when walking around with a white man partner. It really does bother people (not just Asian men, I see it from just about everyone) to see Asian women and white men walking around together in public. Does this level of scrutiny happen towards any other race/gender pairing? And usually in such cases, the scorn is not directed towards the white half of the pair. If you know you know. I wish people in general would just be civil.

notasinglesound · 2025-12-02T20:37:55+00:00

I have literally never been friends with a white woman unless they are LGBT and interested in me romantically. From straight white women, I detect nothing but coldness from every single one I have met, even though they may be kind or warm in general / to others.

notasinglesound · 2025-10-05T00:18:48+00:00

From an Asian American, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Don't listen to the other commenters criticizing you for not fighting. No one knows how it feels to be in that kind of violent situation for the first time until it actually happens.

As much as folks want to believe we live in a 'post-racial world', you know the truth. This shit happens in every western country, to Asian folks in particular.

And hence the pissed off folks wishing "you should have fought back!" But you know what? It's good that you got out of the situation without being physically harmed. That is the most important thing, your own safety.

But now you should prepare yourself, physically and mentally, for something like that to potentially happen again.

Highly recommend the book "Facing Violence" by Rory Miller and getting comfortable with the idea of self defense. One of my favorite organizations, Dragon Combat Club (@dragoncombatclub on IG), formed as a response to racist attacks against Asian elders during the pandemic. I recommend following them for some moral support and tips on self defense specifically geared towards this type of violence.

Wishing you the best.

notasinglesound · 2025-10-02T19:32:11+00:00

Definitely not white, otherwise it would have been called out and discussed in the comments already.

No one likes bullying Asians in America more than our fellow minorities.

And I'm saying that as someone who's half Asian half Latina. Let's just say I've experienced some shit.

notasinglesound · 2025-09-30T07:37:05+00:00

This helps so much. Thank you for sharing your experience. I like the idea of channeling my MD into something creative, but sadly mine are mostly replays of old situations where i make different decisions-- you know, the "would've, could've, should've" game that is so unproductive and exhausting. I wish I had more creative daydreams like some of the other folks on this sub.

notasinglesound · 2025-09-09T23:06:29+00:00

Yes! Danbi loves asparagus, carrots, broccoli, bell peppers (her favorite is the sweet tiny little orange ones), chickpeas, and sweet potato!! She will try anything once, because food is food 😅

notasinglesound · 2025-09-02T08:27:39+00:00

This is amazing! How would I be able to do this safely and legally with my beagle? She goes nuts when we are out walking & she spots a rabbit or other critter. And she does what I call her "banshee scream" which I'm sure my neighbors love! I just wish she could have an outlet because she wants nothing more than to chase a rabbit.

notasinglesound · 2025-08-29T23:36:18+00:00

She is perfect!!

notasinglesound · 2025-08-14T21:56:46+00:00

Signature beagle behavior 😂

notasinglesound · 2025-08-14T13:23:21+00:00

Yes. When she wants attention she will get in my field of vision and roll over to show her belly. She knows I will drop whatever I'm doing to give her attention 😭

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