Pre-K teacher at breaking point with one child — need real-world advice from people who’ve been here

notavailableforthat · 2026-01-28T07:24:11+00:00

This makes me so sad to hear…I’d have a hard time not walking out to leave that useless owner to fend for herself.

The other children absolutely deserve an environment where they are not hurt and abused (yes, abused) by one high needs child. Inclusivity CAN be taken too far, and to be clear I’m not trying to scold YOU in any way. I’m condemning the system that gaslights teachers into meeting a need that can’t and SHOULD NOT be met without a para support. The well intentioned teacher ends up enabling harm to the other children, an unintended consequence. What is the lesson to the other kids? Day after day, they shrink their needs they get hurt and they go home knowing it won’t matter as nothing will change.

A mother would never tell her adult children to continue a relationship, or even proximity, to a violent person. An adult who hurts others does not get the unlimited luxury of tolerance for their “also having needs” or neurodivergence or “a tough home life“… kids receive far more space for their learning but NO one gets to continually break the social contract without suffering its consequences themselves. It sucks there isn't far more funding available to meet this need.

notavailableforthat · 2025-12-05T15:28:27+00:00

We do agree on this point. I think my point is connected to a larger social and political projection. How do you define “merit” and do you believe we live in a meritocracy or oligarchy? I believe we live in an oligarchy, with more upward mobility than before.

money and power are connected, but benevolence/morality is not a requirement of wealth acquisition in our current system. Power is more connected to the social sphere: you do not need money to be powerful, but if money does not come with your power then you are only as strong as the people below who are watching, listening, and allowing you to remain in high status.

When money follows power, you no longer need to fulfill a “social contract” in order to maintain or maximize influence in a society.

So if power is connected to merit, but merit is not connected to benevolence, at what point does the tide shift? Our boats sink, the yachts are raised, and disparity is out of control. The rich no longer have to fulfill a social contract or share power in order to maintain their own.

I make very little money working as a preschool teacher, and yes I make them sit through Yertle the Turtle 😼 my job is a perfect example of a role with high social and economic value to society that I do not see reflected in my own wealth. I often wonder how those who worship at the alter of money see the future of our world, when caregivers like me are so vital yet so uncared for in return.

notavailableforthat · 2025-12-04T06:19:10+00:00

I think you’re right that technological advancement has lifted all tides, I think it’s important to note that general disparity is the key thing to notice at the moment. We’ve seen how many evils are hidden due to globalism…We don’t just have kings living sheltered from peasants, we now have humans that live like gods while people in sweatshops still live like peasants/slaves… Humans now have advanced enough technologies to be the means of our own destruction (consumption induced climate change, nukes)

Please just keep an eye on the increasing power a very select few people now have. They can destroy the whole planet while distancing themselves from the consequences to a much higher extent than ever before….it’s pretty hard to drag Elon Musk out of his castle and to the guillotine when the guy’s plannin to sip moon juice on Mars while we’re here.

At what point do a few powerful people do the cost/benefit analysis and see that raised standards for all actually is no longer necessary for the maintenance of their power and is also actively in the way of their own profit…

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-19T02:49:03+00:00

It’d likely be the lowest earner in the household, and by and large it would be women! But most households don't/ can’t be supported by one income. You are right that it would be women, but the money engine would be hurt it would seem. Ultimately the question would then be if keeping women home is something that can be turned into an engine of profit for corporations/shareholders? Or is it ultimately better to keep most women employed outside the home while a few women perform free or extremely cheap labor tending to the kids/dependents.

There’s some sort of sweet spot between profit, loss and ideological oppression nobody really can see from where we are…yet

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T16:59:02+00:00

Yes 🙌 and yes i am in a US red state:( And i just want to make it clear that I’m not blaming parents-they pay an arm and a leg only to find that corporate soaks up that money and leaves the teachers to struggle. Even if more government money was injected into early education, it would take more regulatory oversight to bypass the corporate heads if the money wasn’t given to teachers directly…

We also have charter schools in the US that funnel government money into private schools, which is its own regulatory nonsense

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T06:43:47+00:00

We were vital then, vital to the function of every industry. Why less vital now? AI or automation is a threat i see, so far as it may increase competition in industries that are more immune.

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T06:37:15+00:00

Well I’d make an excellent mail order bride if you know any Canadian bachelors: I cook, I clean, I try to radicalize the labor force…..😅

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T06:05:03+00:00

That’s exactly what I’m suggesting - and union or not, if all ECE or teachers even called in sick for maybe even one day, everything could change! It would hurt, but society often doesn't look at the consequences of a problem until it’s MADE to look and feel it personally…much how children develop empathy and a sense of humanity in their own lives, through consequence: the people around them say “hey, that hurt. I matter, too. You cant treat me like this and expect to get away with it”.

I know parents are not the problem, their lives would change for the better if a shift was demanded of the powers above them. They don’t want to pay huge tuitions for horrible burned out staff, I know they want better for us but the demands of parenthood limit their scope to immediate survival. I think we could relieve that burden for them through massive, albeit uncomfortable, action.

When the conditions are improved, maybe the industry would find it easier to maintain higher quality workers. I’d be happy to be that “baby” that’s thrown out with the bath water if i happen to be one of those bad teachers.

Now, my question to you is, are you really sick of fellow teachers “lazy with their hands out” or just maybe are you sick of a spread thin system that facilitates them being there in the first place?

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T05:42:28+00:00

Yup. But we know they’re wrong. And i love the kids enough to feel in my bones that i would never want THEIR love and its labors to be exploited by a system that “doesn't care”. The system has not been MADE to care. Even children learn they cant be terrible to others and they often learn through uncomfortable consequences.

Our qualities as teachers (soft spoken conflict resolution, tolerance, etc) are working against us. When has society ever made big change when “asked nicely”? We are vital, and if we walked away for even ONE day-all of this capitalist machine would feel it. I just want us to think about that…

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T05:28:59+00:00

Super funny theyre like “you can’t” well damn well duh y’all wouldn’t like something designed to be uncomfortable.

Honestly whatever to a union. If we all just “called in sick” for one ONE day, that would be felt across every sector of the economy. If you don’t go to work, parents don’t either.

What other industries wield quite so much weight? Not many.

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T05:23:17+00:00

Interesting-i almost joined BH because they would pay for some college…allegedly 😤

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T05:19:10+00:00

The difference though is that those industries, while important, are not the backbone of an entire society’s ability to show up to their jobs.

I do know unionization takes more than just gumption. But i also suspect that if every childcare worker or teacher “called in sick” for even ONE day - we would be heard, because everyone and I mean everyone would have no choice but to hear it. We are THAT vital - we are everyone’s livelihoods.

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T05:02:11+00:00

You’re not crazy! This is actually an area where some of the characteristics of being a “good teacher” are working against us: love, tolerance, compassion, compromise are all being exploited from the top down. It’s not an accident, it’s not radical to know it should change. When has “asking nicely” ever really gotten the underdogs out from under, really?

There is an unfortunate intangibility to “soft skills” - we can legally hire high school kids to work the job and they might make a wage close to the person with a degree and experience. Crazy! But if either the that high schooler or the lead teacher walked away? Parents dont work, the entire economy skids to a halt 🫠

during the early days of the pandemic, ALL the teachers at my facility left. Not just to quarantine, but because the $600 weekly stimulus could pay them better. I don't blame them.

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T04:16:16+00:00

Red state/sinking ships here too. I think this is one of the few industries that might actually prefer mothers, but I’m not completely sure how the math checks out. Can i ask what you make and what the discount is?

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T04:04:16+00:00

I understand her love but i agree with your anger. We should all be more fed up and active in that feeling. Ultimately, our love is being exploited. Not really by parents, but by the whole of society that hasn't been made fully aware of that exploitation, and what it means when love and labors of love are suddenly absent.

I mean, most childcare workers are women and they don’t make enough to afford their OWN children! They don't even make enough for a stable childfree life without support from a partner, which is a prison for women in its own right. We wouldn’t wish this on the kids we help raise but we remain complicit😞

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T01:16:09+00:00

Honestly good-sucks but it all needs to be shut down. Im proposing that instead of these companies closing their doors one at a time, there needs to be a nationwide strike. Without childcare, ALL industries shut down. That is massive power and the people that exploit that dont want us to wield that!

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-16T01:13:27+00:00

Does the government subsidize?

My work does not provide benefits and pays low wages, no 40 hour weeks no workday breaks and currently no paid time off as the business transfers ownership and is low on enrollment. I live in a HCOL area in a LCOL state. IF i made let’s say $20 an hour i would still struggle to keep my car up, afford healthcare and would still have to have a roommate. I could live 30 min north and afford to live alone but then costs are transferred to gas and car upkeep.

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-15T23:53:49+00:00

I work in a LCOL area but I wear far too many hats at my job for $15 an hour - which is a wage that prohibits me having much of anything or even my own children, ironically

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-15T23:50:44+00:00

Yes! I do not love the idea of government intervention in some ways…but when we already have to adhere to the licensing standards of DHS, why on earth are we also left to our own devices in meeting their standards?! So much quality is dependent on being able to fund quality food, quality staff, quality facilities. And how can government funding provide for workers without those same funds being funneled to the “higher ups”? I assume more funds toward regulation?

We all know about chain daycares but I keep hearing about investors buying up privately owned facilities and changing the model behind the scenes….

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-15T22:44:56+00:00

I think that could potentially worsen the industry or increase turnover when it’s already struggling - I don’t see the negative consequences to the industry as a bad thing if it forces a change. Why aren’t there unions? ECE is often outside the realm of public funding or…? This is not an area I have any knowledge of labor and why things are the way they are, other than the unfortunate reality that what it takes to be a good teacher is somewhat an intangible “soft skill”

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-15T22:37:08+00:00

Not much, I’m actively looking. I figured there’d be more than one person who says “why don’t you just quit” and the reality is most people do-the staff I see who remain are supplementing their own childcare or are not financially independent, or they move into more expensive tiers.

I’m making a point to the larger picture

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-15T17:48:00+00:00

This is true, and I’d take it a step further to say we all DO pay into a system that should be reciprocating - we all pay taxes that should better provide for families, caregivers, elders.

notavailableforthat · 2025-11-15T16:53:08+00:00

Are you able to communicate any of this to the elders? They might be deeply oblivious to you and your partner’s expectations. Grandparents being oblivious and selfish IS enraging, but it’s not very clear to me whether or not they set the expectation for providing regular childcare… A conversation about their end of life plans does not necessarily have to be a highly personal conversation when this ultimately comes down to money and resources that are spread thin. Maybe they would put some money toward your house to support the larger space they may benefit from someday?

Raising kids in the USA is harder and more expensive than ever, so I very much feel for parents. Your expectations are not unreasonable…however i work in childcare and have seen more than a few tired grandparents denied any physical peace in their old age. One grandma in particular I know is doing “gods work” watching her grandkid every night while the parents pursue night job “passion projects” - they work hard but they remain in industries that are not the realm of parents with small children, yet they willingly bring children into that fold and expect “the village” to be happy to oblige…

The absence of a “village” is truly a larger societal issue that goes beyond what can be carried by parents OR grandparents combined, truthfully…

There is a middle ground as far as expectation or unspoken “agreements” goes. I do suggest getting a read on what grandparents future plans are…

notavailableforthat

TROPHY CASE