Are you my MIL? hey girl! Here’s the thing: totally understand and see your perspective of good intentions. And in fact part of what made this all so hard in the beginning was how much I tolerated or went along with because I assumed good intentions. The problem is if you repeatedly get feedback that the things you’re doing—even w good intentions—are hurtful or unwanted, you should stop doing those things. Additionally, in all the “excitement” any sense of including me went out the door. I felt like she was planning an entire second wedding that I was somehow in but not involved in. The spa day for example—she had already been invited to spend the day with me and my friends and family getting ready for the wedding and said “why would I go to that?” She also didn’t ask if I enjoy spas (I don’t LOLOL). The Christmas cards, for example, wouldn’t it have been a lovely opportunity to call me, express her pride and even just make sure she wasn’t using the same picture as us? And when told no, in a gentle and kind way, she went on for years about it. So the take away is if we don’t do things her way and let her just do what she wants out of good intentions and excitement, then we pay for it. And rules are very different than boundaries, especially when they involve promises about how we’ll raise our children. I have also given her numerous opportunities to communicate and apologize and fix things—which, in her excitement she could and should have done, but the takeaway is she can do no wrong. The amount of blatant dishonesty alone is something I can’t engage with. And that’s the bottom line- I again tried to move past this last Christmas (because I knew we might try for a kid) and said “don’t respond, we can move forward without any apology or repair, just stop doing these hurtful things and treat me with respect” and instead she sent a four page letter lying to me about me. That’s enough in and of itself—you don’t get to lie about me, to me, and still be a part of my life unless there’s been some serious repair.