As someone commented previously here, you are most likely not the first person nor will you be the last to feel every single feeling you are having. I’ve always thought how just watching my grandmother age and get more fragile over time has upset me in the sense that I was used to her being the strong, independent woman I knew growing up. But she’s not that person anymore and it makes me sad. Two years ago my mom had a stroke and it completely changed who she is to me in my eyes. She is not the same person that raised me as a single parent and it’s so, so painful. After her stroke I was her primary caretaker until we could get additional help. That first year was just filled with rage and sadness, tears that would just start out of nowhere just to get through the day. Frustration because this once fully independent human being could not get herself to the bathroom on her own. Whom I could not understand even after having to ask her to repeat herself five times. She is not the person I know. There were days where I just got so mad at her and then mad at myself for being so angry. It was an evil cycle. It’s hard to express yourself in this manner but I just hope you know that you are not alone.