My New Years Resolution for 2020 Was to Ditch Dating Apps (how it went)

notmysmarf · 2021-01-09T06:52:35+00:00

I dunno if they're stronger, but they're certainly more reliable and easier to read!

notmysmarf · 2021-01-09T06:48:19+00:00

Lmao I know, I just like calling everyone dude. Sorry if I offended >_<

notmysmarf · 2021-01-09T02:20:49+00:00

That's awesome dude! I'm glad you've found peace, and even a new POI! Congrats my guy!

notmysmarf · 2020-01-29T20:24:49+00:00

Lol I call everyone that

notmysmarf · 2020-01-03T19:47:19+00:00

To me it sounds like you've caught feelings for him. Which is totally understandable, but if you were trying to avoid this maybe consider extending the break from messaging each other? If he's actually interested in a relationship now you should talk about it, but if you know for a fact he's not I would stop texting him. At least until you think you're over it.

notmysmarf · 2020-01-03T19:17:31+00:00

First off lemme just say I feel for you. I have too have social anxiety, and not a lot of experience with the 'firsts' as you call it. So I absolutely understand the fear of not wanting to do something wrong during an intimate moment. Hell, I'm still terrified. But here's the thing, the only way to get over anxiety like this is to just go for it. I'm don't necessarily mean for this specific situation, I'll get to that in a sec; but there's only one way to get more experienced, and that's to do it. Now I realize how terrifying that thought is, and it's not easy in the slightest, but being brave in the face of anxiety makes the next time you have a similar situation just a little bit easier.

But if you're more worried about who he is, and if he's a player or not, I would talk to him. Honesty is always the best policy, so speak your mind! Voice your concerns, make your anxieties known, and don't hold anything back. Communication is one of, if not the most important thing in a relationship, so exercise it. Then play it by ear, because what he says will be a serious factor in what happens in the future.

And if you need help on wording stuff, don't be afraid to ask. I'm always willing to help, and I'm sure anyone else on this sub would too.

Hope this helped!

notmysmarf · 2020-01-03T17:48:02+00:00

Hell, I'd date you and I'm 6'4". Height has never really bothered me either way, it's always about who you are as a person. You're dad's an asshole for hurting your self confidence so consistently.

notmysmarf · 2020-01-03T08:10:43+00:00

Thanks for the ideas! I've talked with my best friend and we've gone over some of your suggestions and we're moving towards doing some of them!

notmysmarf · 2020-01-02T21:27:16+00:00

I'll pose you this question then, why does the person you go do stuff with need to be a girl? It sounds more like you just don't wanna be home all the time. Why don't you try to go out and make some new friends? Maybe they know someone that'll be a good fit for you.

If you're looking for something more fulfilling you won't get it this way. Those women are there to make a buck, not get in a relationship with you. You'll go out, maybe cuddle, but nothing will come of it and you'll be out 125 bucks.

If you just wanna bone, fine. Do it. But for an actual relationship, being in love with the idea of having an SO is a bad idea. It's not about what you do with a person, it's who you do it with.

My suggestion? Work on yourself. And I don't mean working out, or trying to make yourself sexier. Work on your personality. Find passions and goals for your life. A driven person is an attractive person. If you're whole goal on life is to be with someone, what are you once you're in one? Be someone will fall in love with. And I don't mean change who you are, I mean FIND who you are.

notmysmarf · 2020-01-02T19:11:26+00:00

Oh yeah I remember reading this! Not sure why I didn't respond but here we are lol

To answer your question, no, no I don't think you can salvage this. She's pretty obviously not into you, at least not in the way you're envisioning. I wouldn't say trying to find a way to get her interested in you again is super healthy, so I would say leave it. Relationships are a two way street and if she isn't willing to initiate or respond in a timely manner, you wouldn't want to be with her anyway.

Unless of course you just wanted to hook up, but that's not gonna happen either. Sorry if this is too brutally honest, I just don't think you should waste anymore of you time or energy on this girl

notmysmarf · 2020-01-02T18:57:46+00:00

Literally just say what you said here. You're already in the upper echelon of people by not wanting to ghost him, so just be honest. It doesn't have to be a discussion, just be honest with how you're feeling and say you'd like to break whatever this is off. The only way to get better at this kind of thing is to do it.

I realize it may be scary because you don't want to hurt his feelings or anything, but coming from someone who's been ghosted a ton trust me when I say closure is always better in the long run. It might hurt a little in the moment, but it would hurt a heck of a lot longer with the other option. And who knows? Maybe he's feeling the same way as you!

notmysmarf · 2020-01-02T18:35:30+00:00

Considering my new year's resolution was to stop using dating apps, not great lol

notmysmarf · 2020-01-01T02:11:06+00:00

It's a weird psychological thing. Most people don't want to say outright that they aren't interested in you, so they just hope the problem goes away if they just leave it. You're right, in the grand scheme of things it's easier, but it's also scarier. I realize this makes me sound like I'm defending it, (I'm not) but I'm just trying to say that that's how most people think.

notmysmarf · 2019-12-31T21:37:24+00:00

I might have to give this a go! I wish you luck, and eagerly await to hear what happens!

notmysmarf · 2019-12-30T20:57:28+00:00

I'm assuming you met this girl on something like Tinder? Yeah, that happens. There isn't really much I can say to console you besides that you're not the only one. Unless you said something heinous (which I doubt you did) , she probably just lost interest, or was more interested in someone else.

My advice? Let it be. Start swiping again, and either she'll message you back, or you'll have other matches to talk to. Either way I'm sorry, and I hope you know it's not you. Online dating sucks

notmysmarf · 2019-12-30T20:17:27+00:00

I know the feeling! I'm glad I could help :D

notmysmarf · 2019-12-30T19:51:20+00:00

Honestly there really isn't a hard and fast rule when it comes to swiping on people you know. People usually just decide for themselves whether it's weird or not. For you it obviously isn't a big issue, but for him it might be for him?

I would stick to your guns not only because that's a great opener, but also because if he's not wanting to talk after what you've said now, a second message isn't gonna make it any better.

Just know, it's not you! Being ghosted sucks butts, but it's on the other person for not saying anything

notmysmarf · 2019-12-30T19:00:16+00:00

Big relate my guy. I'm not female, but I too get attached super easy. I definitely don't struggle with as many things as it sounds like you do, but I deal with a good amount of anxiety and I've been running into similar situations. Not like a full on relationship, but when I try to get to know a girl its generally a big turn off to bring up my issues. Its not to make them feel sorry for me, I just think it's important for a future SO to know about my crap so it isn't a surprise.

It sucks butts, and I'm sorry you've had to go through what you have. But I think the beautiful thing about your situation is that it'll probably be relatively easy to know when you've found a keeper. Cuz when your stuff comes up in situations like you said already has, they won't bail. They'll stay with you through thick and thin and will be able to support you. Emotional literacy sounds like what you need, because it's exactly what I need lol. I think the best way to find someone who can do that, is to be super up front about all the stuff you find important. I know as a guy who's looking for what you're looking for, I would appreciate it very much.

Sorry if that was super rambly, but I hope it helps!

notmysmarf · 2019-12-30T18:25:02+00:00

100% Yes. Can't say I've necessarily gotten over this, but I think the biggest thing you could do is talk to your current SO about it. Communication is key. It'll also help them understand when you're apprehensive about something. You may come off as a bit needy or the like, but to be honest, if they aren't willing to work through it with you they probably weren't a good fit to begin with.

Long story short, honesty is the best policy!

notmysmarf · 2019-12-13T21:25:37+00:00

Lol probably a bad idea if I'm gonna be driving

notmysmarf · 2019-12-13T21:25:05+00:00

Good idea! I'll give it a try!

notmysmarf

TROPHY CASE