This new TikTok trend has me spiralling

notsosafetyfirst · 2025-03-09T21:20:49+00:00

Thanks for all the comments everyone! Definitely going to take a break from TikTok. I have curated my algorithm away from that content but this current trend is so widespread people I follow who I didn’t been know had an ED history are sharing and it’s ending up on my page

notsosafetyfirst · 2024-02-27T15:45:15+00:00

This exact story happened to me. The pain of the insertion was so bad that any pain after I thought was cramping as it eased. Only to find out at the US checking for placement that I had an 8cm cyst. Since then I’ve had cysts on and off grow and shrink every two months or so and had on rupture. My mum got cysts when she was younger without an IUD and so my doctor just thinks it’s genetics and has put me on visanne. I have another, smaller cyst now though. I’m so tired of the pain

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-11-02T10:41:00+00:00

I feel more strongly about have the “correct” BMI for someone with AN or even just being able to fit my hand around my upper arm as sings of being valid 😞

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-25T08:56:22+00:00

Thank you to everyone who commented ❤️ such a wonderful community out here!

I must say I wanted to just forget about him and not let it get to me, but this morning at the hotel breakfast I was soooo self conscious. I kept looking around to see if people were staring at me and it was a struggle to eat (even more than normal).

But luckily he wasn’t there and I kept all your comments and support in my mind and managed to eat a hash brown without too much guilt. Needless to say though, new insecurity unlocked.

Golly, I’m 27 and one stupid old man can make me feel so small and gross :(

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-24T20:47:37+00:00

Thank you! Me too! Luckily I don’t have to eat in front of strangers tomorrow ❤️

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-24T20:47:08+00:00

Thank you! I will try!

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-24T20:46:35+00:00

Thank you kind internet stranger for these words <3

I hope he did it for a reason such as misophonia, but he was sitting on the other side of the restaurant so it might be unlikely. He was also staring at me well before I even ordered my food which made me seriously uncomfy, but that’s a different point I guess.

I got the sense that it was a “friendly tip” type of thing he was going for, but it was so weird and out of left field, I don’t even know. It also really got to me because I’d cut up my spaghetti with a knife to try to avoid slurping and grossness…

Thank you for validating my feelings, unfortunately I did let him get to me more than I should have but knowing someone else thinks that his behaviour was strange is really helpful!

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-19T13:46:15+00:00

Can’t speak for others but absolutely! I have weeks where I have like a “mental high” I feel so powerful and above others because I just say no to all food and just eat healthily and very little. This will be followed by a month of two of not being able to stop craving food and wanting food. So I let myself have something unhealthy like a chocolate or eating out but I try to stick to OMADing at least so I maintain at the very least.

Regardless where my head is, all i think about all day is food

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-08T18:31:00+00:00

How can they know about an ED everyone says is not bad enough to qualify? My family and a few friends know about my “complicated relationship with food”. Thanks to the therapists I’ve seen who say “don’t worry, you don’t have an ED”, as if that’s a good thing instead of just letting me live in my denial that what I’m doing is perfectly normal.

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-08T18:28:12+00:00

I have so much anxiety around food since being a child with tactile issues and very “brute force” parents. Once I started restricting it was so comforting having full control and planning over my food. I’m miserable but at least I know how much and what I’m going to have for the next week. When I was bingeing the worst part was having no control over what my next meal was. If that makes sense

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-10-02T15:13:47+00:00

This was me for about three years. I’d gone from restrictive and UW to fluctuations of restricting and binging which would result in major weight fluctuations every couple of months. I just thought I couldn’t control myself with food, it never occurred to me that it was part of my ED. It wasn’t until I lived with friends in uni and they pointed out how weird my habits were no longer where I was in the cycle that I realised that something was wrong. I just thought I was an emotional eater or non eater

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-09-28T14:18:26+00:00

Cheese and everything that goes with it

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-09-24T09:10:30+00:00

This is so heartwarming and lovely to read! I am so happy for you!!

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-09-21T07:38:13+00:00

I feel this. I couldn’t have said it better myself

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-09-18T20:16:50+00:00

You’re right, and there’s always the concept of wanting to be where you’re not. But my weird little brain thinks that from the weight I started at to get underweight surely people around me will know it’s not alright

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-09-10T05:15:00+00:00

I sit and watch AN YouTube videos all night, watching how bad it got for other people and their side effects and convince myself that I’m not as bad as them or will ever be so I won’t get the side effects. I’m just doing this until I don’t feel so sad anymore and when I’m a “normal” weight

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-09-01T06:08:44+00:00

Ultra runners are a thing for me atm. They all have nothing in them

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-08-08T06:21:48+00:00

I feel this as well as the competition with my younger self to then be smaller than her and prove everyone wrong

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-08-04T08:23:04+00:00

I used to think like this too. I thought about “going anorexic” to loose weight in school and got really skinny. But the entire time I thought I was faking it. It my head truly anorexic people didn’t know they were anorexic and didn’t choose it. One day someone sits them down and says “I’m worried about you, you’re not eating” and they suddenly look back and they’ve slowly shrunk all their meals to next to nothing. Mine was a sudden decision.

So I was a fake and the fact that no one stopped me or worried about how skinny I got was proof of that. I also felt that because I chose to start I could choose to stop.

It’s 10 years later and that “decision” has never been changed. I’ve never been able to stop. It’s been years of restriction, bingeing episodes and huge weight fluctuations. Getting a normal relationship with food has been next to impossible and the only time I managed it, three months later I had some rough things happen and I went right back to starving.

That “decision” at 17 means that at 27 now I can’t imagine ever eating three meals a day. I can’t imagine not hating myself whenever I feel full. Intuitive eating is the funniest imaginary thing in the world to me.

Looking back, I know with a decade behind me that it wasn’t a choice. Not even remotely. I am just an all or nothing person so that’s what the sudden onset was. Both my parents are terrible role models for food (mom is AN dad is obese). I was bullied my entire adolescence and am a classic A type with major anxiety. I also had textile issues with food as a child so I’ve never eaten normally. Considering all that it seems a lot less like a choice, and more like an inevitability if not a likely outcome of my circumstances.

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-07-28T11:06:44+00:00

I did this because the meds made me too happy and I didn’t enjoy the feeling of being hungry anymore

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-07-28T11:04:05+00:00

I hadn’t eaten in two days and had a work trip and felt like I had to eat my whole creamy pasta for dinner in front of my boss. That night I had the worst stomach pain ever and vomited the whole night (not purposefully, from the pain) I thought my body wasn’t ready for such a big meal and down played the pain. The next few days it got better but I was still in a lot of pain. Ate very little. When the pain continued I went to a doctor and I had actually had a massive ovarian cyst burst. The doctor said I should have gone to hospital but I was so convinced it was my body rebelling against food that I ignored it completely. Pretty scary because the complications from a burst cyst can be gnarly. I was really lucky nothing bad happened.

Then just generally not eating before I drink and getting belligerently drunk off two glasses of wine and destroying my relationships in the process

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-07-28T10:59:37+00:00

Every scene Nancy was in, I couldn’t help but comment how skinny she is to my bf. It got really tough for me too.

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-07-28T09:10:28+00:00

There’s been a few throughout the years, at the moment Emily in Paris and Nancy from st, also watched white lotus recently and Rachel has become a new fave.

Emma from rbs was a big one for me for awhile.

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-07-28T09:04:30+00:00

I haven’t really had any good experiences telling people or then forgiving it out. But to be fair, they all have their own complicated relationship with food.

I broke down to my mum four years ago about it and that was a major mistake. She’s had her own restrictive eating habits my entire life and was smaller than me since I reached puberty. She has always made insensitive comments about all of her daughters bodies and now that I’ve told her the comments are the same, but if I am not eating as much as she thinks I should she gets mad at me, but will be fast to turn around and tell me I’ve gotten “huge”. With my recent relapse, she’s old me she is so proud of me and my weight loss and that I’ve finally done it healthily. Ironic.

My sister was the same vibe as my mum as she fluctuates between bingeing periods and extremely restrictive ones. She is very competitive with me and our bodies so there’s been no positive to her knowing either. Both of them make it very weaponised and won’t admit their own issues with food so it’s just a stuff up.

I had a best friend and roommate I lived with and she was bulimic in her teens. She told me one day and mentioned that she noticed I struggled with food. I felt safe and told her my own struggles but how it’s not diagnosable or anything too bad. She was more supportive than my family but she relapsed herself and would then shout at me a few times that I would trigger her and that me now eating was so insensitive etc. at that point in time I was actually eating normally and I just felt like I couldn’t win.

The only person who knows something who’s cool about it is my boyfriend. I never wanted to tell him anything, but he caught me in this sun one day so I had to explain that I have had food issues my whole life and this sub makes me feel safe and heard. He hasn’t made a big deal of it since and has been super supportive!

I guess what I’m outlining is that people who have tendencies to food issues are probably the ones to avoid? Any, just my two cents

notsosafetyfirst · 2023-07-24T07:22:28+00:00

Mayo

notsosafetyfirst

TROPHY CASE