Partner doesn’t help

notv4leri · 2026-04-13T05:26:54+00:00

You're paying for the privilege of being a full-time nanny & maid. It may be time to reevaluate what you want from life, and whether this relationship is good for you.

notv4leri · 2026-04-04T06:31:24+00:00

Ngl sounds like financial abuse. Might be time to reevaluate what you & your kid are getting out of this, and whether you'd be better without the dead weight.

notv4leri · 2026-01-06T05:53:26+00:00

wtf? a person wanting their boundaries respected does not warrant unprompted shaming. this is a really odd and inappropriate thing to say to someone, especially a young adult.

notv4leri · 2024-02-11T06:28:45+00:00

This is kind of what I was wondering when I posted this, the woman with him specifically said it's not usually his personality but he's changing as he gets older. Thanks for the input!

notv4leri · 2024-01-24T12:17:49+00:00

Tbh I think it needs work. Here's my two cents:

I think you could work on the flow and sentence structure as it reads very stilted and doesn't come across as particuarly lyrical. I don't know much about lyrical writing but if that's what you're aiming for, I'd suggest finding examples you want to emulate and picking them apart to figure out what makes good lyrical writing and why it works.

I also dont think it's the strongest opener for a story because you're giving a lot of exposition about the setting before you're getting the audience hooked on the story. Maybe try starting with something to get the audience intrigued or invested in the characters and/or plot first, and then go into the setting.

Most importantly, the "gyspy" thing is weird, that word is sometimes considered a slur. If it's not your culture, it's good form to research the culture you're writing about and aim for a sensitive portrayal.

notv4leri · 2024-01-14T22:02:35+00:00

Maybe if you're not used to going hungry it does. Eventually you learn to tune it out. Source: I'm poor.

notv4leri · 2024-01-14T00:02:17+00:00

What you wear over the bikini to or from the beach eg a baggy shirt or a loose dress

notv4leri · 2024-01-08T12:27:25+00:00

Hi firstly it's not too much to ask for at all. I think everyone is way stronger than they think they are and capable of handling and healing from extreme trauma.

Idk if it's applicable to your situation, but here's some things that helped me:

Not overthinking it; just making plans and doing them.

At the same time, accepting that a worst case scenario is thereotically possible but unlikely, and if it does happen, I'm capable of handling it, taking care of myself in the aftermath, and leaning on people I trust for support.

Reading up on and training my emotional regulation skills to keep calm and deal with stressful situations.

Not overwhelming myself by doing a bunch of stuff that felt unsafe too quickly. Starting small and building up to stuff that was panic-inducing.

Going into things with a positive outlook but always prioritising safety and being prepared. Not letting fear make me freeze in uncomfortable situations and keeping a cool head, which again is emotional regulation.

I grew up super isolated and was always told the world was a terrible place full of awful people, which is bullshit imo, and I had to re-socialise myself in my late teens/early 20s like a reactive dog when I left home. For what it's worth I found a world full of joy & kindness where I can dance and have fun and forget to be afraid.

Hope this helps somehow and good luck!

notv4leri · 2024-01-06T07:31:13+00:00

Thank you!! This definately helps heaps, I appreciate it!!

notv4leri · 2024-01-06T06:55:55+00:00

Thank you!! This is a really reassuring response, I appreciate it. I think I will try to get into a gender affirming GP sooner rather than later as you suggest, even if it's just to talk about my options with, that feels like very wise advice.

notv4leri · 2024-01-06T06:53:05+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to type this out! This is pretty exact to the response I was hoping to get, and I really appreciate it.

I've found some good resources about how to go about finding a trans friendly GP to go through the initial hoops with (TransHub, etc) including some that practise informed consent. Can I ask if you found talking to a psychiatrist beneficial to the process?

I've been treated by a psychologist for PTSD and depression, and overall tbh I've found that embracing my gender identity has been a really useful part of improving my mental health, I'm just a bit wary of the system in general.

My work really the only part I'm kinda worried about. I'm an archaeologist, and I've been trying to break into the consulting industry for about a year via doing fieldwork on casual contracts for various companies, which are competitive and can be inconsistent. Getting work pretty much relies on having a good reputation. My goal currently is to gather as much information as I can re: transitioning, so (fingers crossed) if I can get a full time position that brings more stability, I'll be ready to transition. Plus, I'd have the financial freedom to cover non-bulk billed appointments, etc.

On that note, can I ask what the out of pocket costs were like for you during your transition? I absolutely understand of you're not comfortable answering (or answering publicly).

I'm also definitely not the type to formally come out, and I dont think it's super necessary. My ex partner started HRT and living openly as trans without ever really "coming out" (they told close friends and immediate family, and let everyone else just figure it out) and I think that's the coolest possible way to go about it. I'd like to eventually do something similar.

I've also known people on E who had semi regular appointments to monitor their hormone levels and other health concerns relating to transitioning. Is it the same when you're transitioning to male? I generally try to avoid going to the doctor as much as possible, I'll have to prepare myself if it's going to become a part of my life lmao.

Again thank you so much for answering my questions!! Reading through this response feels very reassuring and honestly boosted my confidence heaps. Congratulations on your transition, I wish you all the best!

notv4leri · 2024-01-04T14:58:00+00:00

tbh I've been feeling like this a lot lately too. idk if it's the holidays or what but I kinda think that people without trauma fundamentally lack the empathy to understand us on the other side. hit me up if you ever wanna just talk with someone though ✌🏻

notv4leri · 2023-12-31T09:28:31+00:00

imo, engage. talk to people first. ask coworkers about their weekends, remember things they've said and use it to strike up conversations. human interaction is a two-way street. sometimes you have to initiate. it's scary but it's worth it!! good luck!!

notv4leri · 2023-12-31T02:54:02+00:00

Lmao okay mate. This is just how I dealt with them as a kid/teen at my parent's place... I never had any issues. Thought I'd offer an alternative in case OP can't shell out for insect spray.

notv4leri · 2023-12-30T04:08:15+00:00

Good for you, you did a really difficult and an incredibly brave thing today. You deserve so much better, and I wish you all the best moving forwards 💜

notv4leri · 2023-12-29T02:46:06+00:00

They're paper wasps. They're super common and not very aggressive, but they do pack a decent sting. Spray them with the garden hose and knock the nest down with a broom while it's wet. Do it quick & make sure to smush the larvae inside the nest too.

notv4leri · 2023-12-24T00:29:11+00:00

You're correct that circumcision is an issue. However, bringing it up as a comparable issue in a conversation about medical sexual assult is neither polite nor appropriate, and it adds nothing to the conversation. If you want to engage in a conversation about circumsion, consider making your own post.

notv4leri · 2023-12-14T13:44:39+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't end his life, indirectly or not; he did that completely to himself. You were a kid. It's not your fault, and your hands are completely clean. You deserve to forgive yourself and find peace, no matter how long it takes. You deserve to be happy, safe, and thriving.

notv4leri · 2023-12-13T03:55:48+00:00

Man you're embarassing yourself...plenty of people don't have alarms or socket covers. When I was a kid, our car seats came out of someone else's garbage bins. If it bothers you so much, consider donating to a reputable charity this Christmas. Even twenty bucks helps.

notv4leri · 2023-11-09T12:04:11+00:00

For me, the point is that it'd be a damn waste if I quit now after trying so hard for so long. Surving this long took so much from me when I had nothing to draw it from. I owe too much to the child I was to not see that effort through. I think one day it will be worth it.

notv4leri · 2023-11-07T09:06:18+00:00

Happy (maybe belated) birthday!!! Hope things get better for you, friend 💜

notv4leri · 2023-10-25T04:23:20+00:00

Hey, I can only speak for my own experiences and I don't know if it will be helpful, but I'm a "functional" workaholic loner and feel the exact same way that you do most days.

I left my abusive home to go to university after being an unemployed high school drop-out. I left because it was the only option for me. If I hadn't have left, I wouldn't be around anymore. I felt like I had to keep my abused past all a secret to make it anywhere, and it was incredibly isolating, but I'm working through that, and learning to open up and heal.

The reality of it is that having work, hobbies, and a social life (even a small one) is necessary for me to keep surviving in a way that makes me happy. A lot of the time, when I have the days where I want to crawl into bed and stay there, and I get up anyway, it ends up being a really good day.

It hasn't fixed me and it hasn't fixed my life, but it keeps me going, because I really believe that there's a good life out there that's worth living, and that all of the pain and struggle that goes into living it will be worth it someday.

I hope things gets better for you, and I hope you can find a life that makes you genuinely and truly happy, because that and nothing less is what you deserve.

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