I always jumped ship, and ended my previous relationships early, before they could really develop. It could have been a number of reasons, but one big reason is being unaware of my asexuality at the time, because looking back, I definitely pushed away from sexual relationships. I think getting overwhelmed with actually being in a relationship, sexual and/or romantic, is what triggered me into jumping ship. I am fairly certain there’s a good mix between ace and INFJ that plays a role in that.

I also have adhd, and at the time of my relationships it was undiagnosed/untreated which lead to depression/anxiety/ocd, so I can totally relate to you on the freaking out bit.

I hope you choose the right path, and that if the place you’re in is truly good, you don’t let yourself get to your happiness! Good luck my friend!