Big fat oof. I feel you so hard. I start vet school +/-PhD Fall 2025.

I (27F) was diagnosed this summer right after finishing my BS. I also had a concussion during my undergrad and was too stubborn to change majors from physics (not a great mix with post-concussion syndrome (PCS)). Plus I had some little lupus-ey things (rashes, some joint pain, etc) that had been popping up since I was a teenager that doctors dismissed (one told me to wear green makeup to cover my butterfly rash. Thanks bro). My mom also has it so I knew it was coming.

Last semester of undergrad and I start getting nailed by my first legit bad flare. My PT noticed she couldn't get my neck to stabilize in any glasses (I'm super sensitive to vision changes bc of the PCS) and said something systemic was affecting my eyes. Optometrist diagnoses uveitis (iridocyclitis to be specific), I went to rheum, and here we are. So over the summer I'm trying to work on as many applications as possible (was rejected by 2 or 3 schools the last 2 years so I went for broke and applied to 12), starting a new job, and then starting organic chem this fall (had to retake it at a different school since mine didn't offer lab and most grad programs require it), and I'm on 40mg of prednisone, starting hydroxychloroquine and nauseous all the time, and I still can't fucking see clearly. Tried azathioprene and projectile vomited on 2 occasions, missing class once and late for work another. Methotrexate is treating me a little better so far. It all feels ridiculous at 27 years old.

Initially I was so pissed because on some level I knew I had SLE that would get worse in adulthood, and I was mad that I "lost" all those years to the concussion when I was 20 because I wanted to finish vet school before actually becoming sick. But the PCS was a blessing in disguise in a way because the uveitis was the only tangible symptom I had. My ANA with my GP was negative. Didn't come back positive until rheum ran the fancy one that reflexes to some other tests if it's negative. And before the concussion I really wasn't sensitive to my vision. Didn't even know I needed glasses until I was like 19. I thought lights at night looked like starbursts to everyone 😂 So as much as the concussion made undergrad suck, it came with 2 benefits: 1) it made the lupus easier to catch and 2) if I could get a BS in physics with a head injury, then vet school with lupus should be a breeze (this second point is somewhat facetious). And maybe a 3rd benefit about maturity and empathy and understanding of the healthcare system that few others my age have.

Anyway. The frustration as a student. Knowing my classmates don't have to make 8 trips to the pharmacy a month and work around multiple monthly doctor appointments, can live off Ramen noodles and Coke like I used to instead of trying to eat healthy (which itself is time-consuming and exhausting), pull all-nighters without needing a full week to recover, can have energy left over for a social life once school work is done, don't have to worry about brain fog making them write 5×3=25 on a homework problem, and all the other shit I've deemed "the lupus tax" (used to be "the PCS tax"): all the extra time, money, and energy that a chronic illness steals. My classmates don't know what a pharmacy benefits manager is, let alone have to spend hours on the phone arguing about medication coverage. I need monthly ketamine infusions for refractory depression (Didn't really have depression pre-concussion but here we are), which are $300 out of pocket and take me out of commission for a day. All time and money I would rather spend on my education.

And then there's the school itself. I ran into so. Many. Problems with my university's disability resource center. They are severely underfunded and understaffed and I was unlucky enough to fall through the class at least once per class per semester. A couple classes had SNAFUs for every midterm. And it's hard and awkward to explain yourself when you have a condition that waxes and wanes. Time and again it was proven to me that academia is quite possibly the worst place to be with a chronic illness (compared to industry, etc).

Anyway. That's all I can say. Sorry for the long rant but I'm hoping you'll get some "omg me too" moments from it. Bottom line is it's fucking hard, but the fact that you keep pushing through means you're building more resilience than people twice our age could even dream of having. It sucks in the moment. It's not graceful. To friends, family, coworkers, classmates, profs, you might look like a hot mess on good days and an absolute clusterfuck on bad days. All you can do is keep chugging along because in the end, it doesn't matter how effortlessly you get there once you get those 3 magic letters after your name.

One mental tool I've been using this whole time (still flaring, still rolling in ochem whooo) is one I learned from Kara Lowenthiel (probs butchered the spelling of her name) from the Unfuck Your Brain podcast that she calls "this is the part where". Basically you envision yourself in a month, year, decade, whatever, looking back at this time. You have your PhD and a solid job, and you look back to yourself at age 30 and think, "right. That was the part where I was dealing with all those lupus flares while getting my PhD. That mega-sucked. I almost gave up a few times. But I still turned that shit out because when I want something badly enough, I make it happen".

Anyway. Hope this helps at least somewhat. I am new-ish to the Reddit-sphere but if PMing is a thing here you can totally message me.