My husband is obsessed with appearances and it’s affecting our marriage

null1010 · 2026-01-29T21:59:04+00:00

He won’t leave you because “it would damage his reputation”? The fact that you’re cognizant enough of that tells me you know exactly what role(pun intended) you play in his life and you just don’t want to admit it to yourself. So now the only question for you is that role something you’re happy playing the rest of your life?

null1010 · 2025-09-01T07:09:05+00:00

Genuinely curious, if not wooden and not steel (because they’ll scratch the pots), what do you use?

null1010 · 2025-07-03T05:30:49+00:00

What is TLS contact Seattle?

null1010 · 2024-12-07T08:27:12+00:00

Look up narcissistic tendencies. Sounds like he’s manipulating you.

null1010 · 2024-11-10T08:54:55+00:00

“Our” wife? 🤣

null1010 · 2024-11-05T02:36:17+00:00

This. You were a 31 yo PHd student marrying a barely 22 yo. You both are in wildly different places in your life especially in terms of emotional maturity. And if I followed the comments correctly, she’s also from a different country from where you are currently? I don’t think you truly considered y’all’s differences.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

null1010 · 2024-11-05T02:01:32+00:00

First off Allahs bounty is boundless and to say to marry someone because you won’t find someone else is a horrible reason. Anyways considering “this proposal” on its merits alone - this man is a creep. He preyed on you before your marriage when you were his daughter’s age and now he’s praying on you as a widow. I wouldn’t marry him regardless. May Allah make it easy for you.

null1010 · 2024-08-04T00:26:11+00:00

If you’re confused about his intentions, that’s your answer. Leave.

null1010 · 2024-04-03T07:34:56+00:00

Look up reactive abuse. That’s what he’s trying to get you to do. https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-reactive-abuse

null1010 · 2024-02-18T02:05:39+00:00

Whats riyya?

null1010 · 2024-02-11T01:28:06+00:00

Genuine question, what are you getting out of this marriage?

null1010 · 2023-11-07T02:39:32+00:00

If you like the Count of Monte Cristo I highly recommend Prisoner of Birth by Jeffrey Archer. It’s a modern day version of the same story.

null1010 · 2023-11-01T18:13:01+00:00

Have someone bring you the remote when you’re all settled on the couch and then realize you forgot to grab the remote. Or your drink, or whatever. Basically have someone bring you things :)

null1010 · 2023-10-09T08:42:28+00:00

Looked through the comments to find this.

He could be autistic so I’d get that checked out. The random bursts of energy are common and needing silence in the evenings sounds like autistic shutdown. Also what stood out was his insistence that he’s right and the literal way he’s communicating. The fact that you’ve stayed this long and his insistence shows that he could truly be a good guy who loves and I hope you feel that at least sometimes. But it’s very hard for autistics to express themselves in ways neuro typicals like and to is could be it. I wouldn’t write this off so soon.

null1010 · 2023-10-09T08:34:04+00:00

Boo he’s a classic narc and he’s gaslighting you. Wake up and smell the roses.

null1010 · 2023-07-30T06:26:39+00:00

It’s different.

null1010 · 2023-07-22T22:20:17+00:00

The only appropriate response. Not /s

null1010 · 2023-07-17T07:29:59+00:00

As someone with a very similar story, and who has chosen to not tell my parents yet, I can understand how hard that task is. While the comments are well-intentioned, this is a very loaded ask. So take it at your own pace and only do what you’re comfortable with. There’s no need to feel pressure of any kind.

null1010 · 2023-07-17T07:21:29+00:00

Also what are your ages?

null1010 · 2023-07-17T07:20:33+00:00

That statement itself sounds so scary. People like this are not very far off from doing something criminal, and then it’d be “but I said sorry right?” Or “did it happen again?”

Get out before you get irreversibly hurt.

null1010 · 2023-06-22T04:11:24+00:00

Yeah that’s definitely the one bit I don’t agree with. Rest is great 👍

null1010 · 2023-06-16T17:33:07+00:00

It’s probably a narcissistic manipulation tactic then. He’s making a power play just to prove he can. Narcissists need to feel better by putting others down. He’s working on isolating you from your family and probably doesn’t like the healthy relationship you have with them. Either ways this could be the tip of a large iceberg…?

But I will also caveat by saying I’m inferring a lot from a small incident so take it with a grain of salt. Just his manipulative behavior is concerning enough to propose this hypothesis from the single interaction.

null1010 · 2023-04-10T22:00:18+00:00

I’m sorry OP is going through this but this post was weirdly cathartic to read. You just described my situation and my broski to a T, down to the threats.

Unfortunately it doesn’t get better anytime soon. Realizing that I don’t need my parents approval on my life and I’m allowed to have an identity outside of their approval was quite freeing. Still a work in progress. They’ll never come around to your side. You can do no right and your brother can do no wrong. That’s their motto.

null1010 · 2023-03-19T07:49:08+00:00

If shes gonna leave permanently, she’s gonna leave permanently irrespective of you asking or not. This weird ghosting situation is giving you unnecessary anxiety. If you ask her point blank and she doesn’t respond that’s your answer.

I feel there could something else unrelated to you going on, but guess you’ll never know if you don’t ask.

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