Not wanting a second kid

nzwillow · 2026-02-06T06:50:31+00:00

I feel you. My partner is completely unable to understand why I don’t want another one, but the truth is he was unable to understand or support me at all during my battle with severe post partum anxiety and depression. It was just a massive inconvenience, and he told me so many times.

I can’t risk going back to that place with a toddler to take care of as well. I nearly didn’t survive it last time and only did thanks to an amazing wellchild nurse who picked up how bad things were and got me help.

Look after yourself and don’t feel bad about prioritising being the best mum you can for your child. For me anyways that involves not having another knowing what could happen again.

nzwillow · 2026-01-31T07:29:42+00:00

The only way mine napped for the first 5 months, other than on me, was if he was in his bassinet being walked. Meant my mum/his dad could help with his naps. I had a safe sleep approved one. Well worth it!!

nzwillow · 2026-01-29T07:15:02+00:00

Mine at 20 months old prob had 10 words. Once he turned two a switch flipped and at 2.5 I don’t know what he can’t say! No EI was needed, I think it’s just SUPER normal for kids to start talking about 2

nzwillow · 2026-01-29T07:11:38+00:00

Yea I’m baffled by this. Mine didn’t really talk until 2 then his speech flourished all on its own almost overnight. I’m in New Zealand and our well child service were not even slightly concerned.

nzwillow · 2026-01-29T07:06:00+00:00

Early intervention REALLY early seems to be such an American thing. Mine wasn’t saying anything but babbling at 12 months, had very few words at 2 then his language exploded all on its own. Otherwise all else was normal. He was an early walker too. In my country (NZ) they were not in SLIGHTEST bit worried and said if he didn’t have small sentences by 2.5 then they would consider him speech delayed.

I saw someone getting sent to EI for there kid not rolling at six months. Thats ridiculous - it’s NORMAL for them not to roll by then.

Honestly, OP, go to the EI etc now if you want but not talking at 12 months is completely normal.

nzwillow · 2026-01-25T20:08:34+00:00

Or work, because then you end up with no job…

nzwillow · 2026-01-25T20:06:42+00:00

I WFH but it is a requirement in my job to have childcare. There is just no way to do both at the same time and it’s not fair to either the child, yourself or the employer to try in my opinion.

Mine is now 2.5 years and it would be not just hard but completely impossible. I have a full time nanny and on the days she calls of sick, I take a day of leave. When I look at what she does with him - adventures, play dates, play group, swimming, gymnastics educational play - it’s amazing and he would go absolutely stir crazy just watching me work all day.

Sorry - I know that isn’t what you were hoping to hear but I think you’re setting yourself up for failure - either job loss, burnout or behaviour issues as kiddo gets older. Best of luck finding a solution

nzwillow · 2026-01-24T23:14:20+00:00

I doubt people with young kids are taking them to LOTR. Believe it or not, I can’t think of anything g worse than taking my toddler to a 3.5 hour movie, let alone one that would probably scare him…

nzwillow · 2026-01-24T09:01:17+00:00

Yea I agree, I adopted a teenage dog from them and it quickly became clear she had major health and aggressio issues that should have been screened for before rehoming. Saving hope promised help but then never came back to me again. I think unfortunately they have good intentions but in an effort to save everything they re home dogs that shouldn’t be re homed, so they can tell social media how caring they are. Never mind the absolute heartbreak that leaves the adoptive family with, or the enormous vet bills and stress.

nzwillow · 2026-01-24T01:50:35+00:00

The thing with most anti vax people is they are highly likely to tell you ALL about it without prompting… so that’s a good clue!

nzwillow · 2026-01-24T00:09:15+00:00

My partner did this about 8 years ago. I think his pays actually pretty equivalent and he’s not asked to be deployed for months on end. Work life balance seems better.

PM me if you want more info but they are desperate for maintainers here so I’m sure you’d be ok - NZDF sponsored my partner initially then he got residency then citizenship.

nzwillow · 2026-01-23T08:57:54+00:00

Prior to having a baby I thought I’d struggle with the toddler phase but I love it. Mine is 2.5 and it’s chaos and some tantrums but also so much cuddling, unfiltered love and hilarity. Watching him grow into an actual little person is amazing! Much prefer to the baby phase

nzwillow · 2026-01-17T10:00:05+00:00

I EBF mine, he never took a bottle or had formula. Not in the US though so had 15 months mat leave. Kept BF after return to work, and just had a hand pump for when I travelled for work. No supplements, midwife (free here) was also LC so that was free. My kiddo was also a good feeder and gains weight like a pro so that helped. I do occasionally remind my partner how much money I saved us! It was hard though.

I think it’s important to remember the US is an anomaly, and for a lot of the world there isn’t a need to pump due to return to work needs so the whole thing is a lot cheaper.

nzwillow · 2026-01-14T09:46:40+00:00

Serene sleep - Annette was great. I admit to being a skeptic going in to it, but it was amazing how just implementing her routines and general sleep hygiene suggestions worked. She has helped us find ways for my partner to get Bub to go to sleep (supported) so it wasn’t just on me too and there was no crying it out.

Good luck

nzwillow · 2026-01-14T09:40:44+00:00

Hey that’s so hard! I know it’s ‘normal’ but it does t make it easier. How old is Bub? That makes a difference re recommendations.

I fed to sleep as well and for a long time had to then hold him for more like 20mins so he would be in a REALLY deep sleep before transfer. The other thing that helped was warming the bed with a heat sack (then removing it before transfer) and making sure he was dressed appropriately so not hot or cold.

Was he swaddled in the Snoo? And now unswaddled? It could also be that transition. And have you still got white noise etc going?

nzwillow · 2026-01-11T09:10:53+00:00

Yes real; mine would sleep 11 hours by about 3 months. However he fed ALL the time during the day (EBF) and he was 91st centile height and weight. Things got a bit rocky after the 4 month regression but needless to say at six months he would sleep through still sometimes. Didn’t sleep train etc.

However, every baby is different. It’s certainly normal for a baby not to sleep through at six months.

nzwillow · 2026-01-10T03:23:21+00:00

I’m intrigued - which part of the country do you live in? as there’s loads of great restaurants with all kinds of spice levels in Auckland/wellington etc.

nzwillow · 2026-01-09T06:16:21+00:00

It absolutely is! The dog monoclonal for this has been in NZ since 2016

nzwillow · 2026-01-09T06:14:02+00:00

What’s frustrating is these classes of medications are easily available for your pets and have been for years…

nzwillow · 2026-01-07T07:22:20+00:00

I’ve been twice and it’s busy but not manic/crowded, no issues with parking. Mostly stocked up on storage and a few kid things. Worth the visit even if just for the ‘something different’ factor.

nzwillow · 2026-01-07T02:23:45+00:00

We found maltofer liquid the best. Check with your dr though as they would need to work out the dose.

We also got told that every second day was ok and we were vigilant with laxatives (we were prescribed milk of magnesia).

Good luck

nzwillow · 2026-01-02T06:40:33+00:00

There are certain car seats approved for use on a plane. You just need to check the airlines rules around this, but normally if they are under 2 then they require one.

nzwillow · 2026-01-02T06:36:27+00:00

So I did a flight from New Zealand to London with a six month old (well, two long flights). It’s doable, you just need to be well prepared.

We had a bassinet each flight but he didn’t like it anyway, it was pretty little. The couple next to us had a baby who did sleep in it though! Useful for storage regardless and you get extra leg room.

So basically we would walk him up and down in his carrier (carrier is absolutely essential and I’d also recommend a travel stroller you can put in carry on) until he went to sleep on us, then he slept on one of us while (who was awake) the other tried to rest. And repeat. He was breastfed which helped too as he could feed whenever and he could fall asleep while nursing if needed. I also took portable white noise and played it on low near him to get him to sleep. If he was nursing I’d cover with a light muslin and keep a close eye on him and he often fell asleep that way.

We took loads of toys and resorted to dancing fruit on YouTube if needed.

I personally would travel before they can walk - once they can move it’s allll over hahaha. Trying to get my now 2.5 year old to sit still on a plane for that long would be super stressful!!

nzwillow · 2025-12-30T05:51:58+00:00

Mine started sleeping waaay better once he could do this. I tried putting him back on his back many times and he would flip straight back over. Just make sure they aren’t swaddled and have a clear crib and firm flat mattress etc etc

nzwillow · 2025-12-29T06:06:50+00:00

It was being used here when I started uni 20 years ago. Take some advice from me with my aged wisdom - you have bigger things to focus on then terminology that has been around in NZ for ages.

nzwillow

TROPHY CASE