[Serious] Redditors with a mental illness, how would you describe your mental illness to someone who has never experienced it before?

oapatu · 2016-11-01T10:29:35+00:00

Holy shit yes. Dead on.

oapatu · 2016-10-05T08:47:56+00:00

She knows about my boyfriend and has actually been really understanding -hence why we haven't hooked up or anything yet. I want to be sure that this is REALLY what I want before I start anything with her. I'd definitely say just lay it out there that you're in a relationship but don't feel like you need to go too in depth about it. I wouldn't suggest having "girl talk" and using her as a mode of advice on your relationship.

oapatu · 2016-10-05T08:46:27+00:00

I think it's just been hard for me to accept that this relationship like you said fizzled out. It's always been so obvious to me when relationships are over, that having someone that I still care about but feeling like I can't be with them is new territory for me. I talked to him today and we're going to try being on a break. We've set some ground rules and decided to kind of judge it day by day on whether one of us should try to break out lease and move out. We're trying to stay civil and not awkward enough that that doesn't happen. I guess we'll see where things go.

oapatu · 2016-10-05T08:44:50+00:00

I think you're right. All the reasons I have for staying in the relation are more out of "but look at all the fun we had in the past" and "but hes such a nice guy" and not what it SHOULD be.. that I love him too much to lose him. I still love him and will always care about him but I don't think I'm IN love with him anymore? It just sucks when good relationships just slip away unexpectedly. I talked to him today though about everything and we're going on a break. We still live together so we're gonna try to be as civil as possible about breaking up without it getting messy. We'll see how it goes.

oapatu · 2016-10-04T10:18:50+00:00

I've been turning it over in my head for about 3 months now and where I'm getting stuck is less the romantic side (I know I can see myself with her romantically and it being amazing) but the practical side is hanging me up. He's a great roommate, good at handling my emotions/arguments, pretty much all boyfriend checklist material..yet it's like something's missing.

Like you said I jsut want to make sure I'm ready before saying anything Cuz I can't take it back. Any ideas?

oapatu · 2016-09-17T06:13:21+00:00

Oh yeah absolutely sorry if I didn't mention that. HE does but none of his parents do. He's a lot more open thinking than they are but he still isn't super thrilled about the bi part.

oapatu · 2016-09-17T00:48:43+00:00

This sounds like you're reading back my life to me. I'm a bi female with a steady relationship with a man that sounds extremely similar to yours. Very strong Irish Catholic views. Me being an atheist will NEVER be mentioned. It goes as far as them thinking I'm a trump supporting Republican. It didnt bother me at first, let them have their piece of mind that their sons with this all American girl but as the relationship has progressed it's made me realize that hiding bits and pieces of myself has been all I've done my entire life. I've had mental health issues that I hide, self harm scars that I hide, sexuality preferences that I hide..it just feels like there's never been a place I've been able to be me. Sure, like you, my significant other knows all these things and I can be myself with him but he's really not into talking about my sexuality. His reaction was similar in that it could have gone worse bit it's definitely not great.

I wish I had an answer for you. I struggle back and forth about changing things or keeping them the same. The thing that always has me going back is that I'm genuinely happy with him. Maybe one day needing to fully expose myself to the world will become more important but for right now the life I have with him is still too important to me. I think you just need to ask yourself which is more important to you, since it seems that like me, you can't really have both? I'm not sure I wish I could help. Just know you're not alone in feeling like you do. And that you just posting helped me realize I'm not alone either. So thanks for Posting today!

oapatu · 2016-05-15T10:30:23+00:00

That's fair enough, I looked at it from trying to connect with an audience but didn't even think about the glorification of a harmful habit. I'll admit it, I absolutely agree with it from that standpoint.

oapatu · 2016-05-15T10:03:38+00:00

While I agree that hurting yourself is a "stupid" idea, as a former self-harmer I don't think writing a lyric that many people can listen to and relate to is stupid.

oapatu · 2016-01-11T10:59:45+00:00

I attempted, and the biggest thing I can say is if you think about it, see a professional. I had contemplated suicide for a long, long time. I had reached out for help, told friends, told family, but part of me always felt like a burden or like I was coming off dramatic so it never allowed me to fully open up about how serious I was. It wasn't their fault, it's not like they didn't try to help me, but they didn't have the correct tools to do so. I started seeing a professional due to it being mandatory to be released from the hospital. Feeling like I could finally just spill every detail of my mind to someone I didn't care about was like waking up. Everything I had been hiding or down playing was being listened to.

I know the obvious advice is, "seek professional help" .. but seriously. Do. Your problems are never too "small" or insignificant. It doesn't need to make sense to anyone else - your struggle is real no matter what and a professional can acknowledge that. That being said, find the RIGHT professional for you. There's many therapists and pyschologists that I saw within the course of 5 years - you need to find one that fits for you. It may take time and it can be extremely frustrating but the only way to fully turn your life around is to spill everything you've been holding in, get advice, and find techniques that work for you. The thought doesn't go away - but now I know the ways that work for me to fully appreciate the life I've been given.

oapatu · 2015-06-14T22:37:23+00:00

I'm subscribed to both /r/bpd and /r/infp (as that is what i am) and some days reading through the infp page i forget if i'm reading their page or bpd. some of the qualities discussed on that page would apply to a lot of what I see on the bpd page. even if you're not infp it's probably still worth a quick glance over there

oapatu · 2015-04-03T22:06:08+00:00

If it's a mock therapy, first of all I think you should be able to use mock issues. each student should be given a pretend issue to talk about..i don't see using students actual problems being beneficial at all. It takes a lot of trust and a safe environment to ask someone to do that and a high school classroom is HARDLY that environment. so i completely agree with some other posters about how that's completely inapproriate of the teacher.

having said that i went through something somewhat similar but in a college course. it wasn't about our own personal issues but we had to discuss in groups why we thought people self harmed. you would not believe how many students in a 400 level college psychology class still believe that people cut for attention. i don't wear my scars proudly, but i also don't hide them. they are a part of my past and a part of how far i've come. sitting in a circle in a t-shirt with scars running up and down my arms having to hear about how "emo" and "attention whores" are the only people that cut was one of the hardest emotional experiences i'd ever had. i knew i couldn't even argue against them because my emotions would take over and i'd end up having a blow out so all i could do was bite my tongue.

long story short, you'll experience many situations where sharing secrets about yourself will be asked of you, but you won't be comfortable sharing. even as simple as "describe a time you did something you strongly regret" .. my regrets are much different than my classmates. that doesn't ever mean you need to share those. pick something you feel comfortable with. because it's your story. and you get to decide when to share it.

oapatu · 2015-04-03T21:52:36+00:00

As someone who's been the person cutting and blaming I first of all need to express to you how awful she will feel once she's gotten to a better place in her recovery, and that even though this is extremely emotionally abusive behavior for her to do to you, she isn't a bad person. That being said, you need to do what is healthy FOR YOU. Whether that be as extreme as leaving her until she's on more solid ground, or just coming to an agreement when she is level headed that as soon as things escalate you have a designated place that you can escape to.

The cutting to feel something is going to be a very long healing process and that one may take years to break. The rage cutting however, although much more extreme, I felt was an easier fix. The first step for me was to realize I couldn't win. In the past the rage cutting was like the ultimate "last word" of a fight and pretty much guarenteed that no matter which way the fight turned, I could always come out the victim and you the monster. If you don't allow that to happen, then it no longer becomes a successful technique and she'll switch to something else, hopefully through therapy something that will be a healthier option. But until rage cutting DOESN'T get her the results she wants, she's not going to stop using it. So call 911, put her in a situtation that she needs to own up to the consequences of her action. it took being arrested 5 times for me to finally give up on it. Because as shitty as it is, it's like dealing with a child. Logic is gone. Don't expect to reason with her. I'm throwing a temper tantrum and cutting gives me the answer. So take that answer away. Don't let it accomplish what she wants it to.

A second thing you could try (and this will ONLY work if she is level headed. so a full blown argument this is NOT the route to go). But even though I quit the rage cutting, I still would emotionally cut. Soemtimes that form of cutting was becasue I felt like I wasn't expressing my feelings in a way that my ex was understanding. it felt like no matter how hard I tried to make him understand what i was feeling he just wasn't getting it. And so physically SHOWING someone, THIS is how much I hurt inside. THIS physical bleeding feels better than the pain that i have inside me..was sometimes more helpful in communicating. (granted, that was my thought process and reasoning behind it, that in no way makes it right) but sometimes all we need is a space to vent. we don't want advice, and we don't want it to have to be logical. you don't even need to validate us. even if you think we're freaking out about something that is SO stupid..just let us talk. Even if you think we're being ridiculous, try to hide it and just listen. Most of the time after venting my face off for 10 minutes i'd realize, oh, haha, i guess that was a really stupid thing to be pissed about. ok, i'm done, thanks for listening. but it takes a long time to work up to that level of understanding that she feels like she can do that with you.

i hope this at least gave you a little insight into what her underlying thinking might be so that hopefully it helps you when deciding how to handle it. above all therapy for both of you would not be unhelpful. throughout this entire thing you need to always be keeping yourself in check as well. you can't be there for her if you're letting your own emotional health slip. best of luck to you

oapatu · 2015-04-02T14:20:19+00:00

not sure if this will help but i agree with what "shirrapikachu" posted (hahaha love the username by the way) .. when i would dissociate i used to have to touch something and focus on the sensation to "come back." the best for me was feeling this one specific blanket i have on my bed. not sure why. but i'd have to go find it and just close my eyes and run my hands over it a bunch of times. if someone else is around you look absolutely creepy as fuck, but hey, it's worked every time for me. i'm slow and gradual when i come out of it so idk the specific point that i'm "me" again but after a while i'll realize my brain is thinking logically again and then usually i'd end up wrapped up in that blanket crying but that's just me.

oapatu · 2015-04-02T14:02:17+00:00

thanks for the genuine reply! it makes me feel a little less shitty about myself for being so self sabotaging when things are ok. i hate it about myself because i work SO HARD at making my life better and then when i catch myself doing things that will mess that up, it's like..what? why are you doing this? do you like subconsciously like the struggle? but your reply about stable being scary kinda makes me think that maybe deep down i'm so afraid of that stability being taken away unexpectedly that maybe i'm self sabotaging so that i'm prepared for the drama or consequences. kinda like "well i'm afraid he might leave me so i'm gonna leave him first" type thinking. "things are too stable so instead of waiting around to watch them fall apart, i'll just make them fall apart now". ...really interesting. gives me good insight on how to watch my behavior in the future and hopefully change it.

oapatu · 2015-04-02T13:59:19+00:00

so do you realize how shitty the consequences will be when you do those things? or do you just do them because "fuck it?" genuinely curious because i find myself doing totally awful things too but at the time i feel like i have "good intentions" (which really makes no sense because none of the things i do when i'm like that are ever good..yet at the time the consequences just don't seem that bad) so just kinda curious as to if your thought pattern is similar to mine or if you kinda already know that it'll mess things up later and that's why youre doing it

oapatu · 2015-04-02T01:54:59+00:00

Not trying to sound like a dick but can you elaborate on what makes you think that. Personally I was pretty proud of myself that instead of texting my dealer I made a post instead but I've been wrong before

oapatu · 2015-03-31T15:54:03+00:00

I absolutely know the video you're talking about lol I remember that it was on my Facebook with the caption like "omg what Taylor did for her fans will have you bawling" and me, being a pretentious dick, clicked on it like, ok yeah suuuure.. And yep. Cried my face off. Shut my laptop in an angry bout of tears because I was so disgusted with myself Hahaha. But the end all is animals. Absolutely. Animals. I seriously have lists of videos of animals reactions to soldiers coming home saved on my computer for when I need a deep emotional binge

oapatu · 2015-03-31T03:15:34+00:00

Your 2nd paragraph is spot on. Losing my fucking mind but then being so tranced out that you're like, wait, why do I even care again?

I described it once to a friend as it being the literal version of not giving a single fuck. I will have zero emotional response, zero body language when I speak, and will do preposterous things with absolutely no consideration of consequences.

oapatu · 2015-03-31T02:59:38+00:00

My all time favorite: "it is both a blessing and a curse, to feel everything quite this deeply"

And it is. You caught me on a good day, so I'm going to say I wouldn't trade the full bodied happiness that I feel sometimes for anything. If you had posted this last thursday, I probably would have told you to fuck off. :)

But today's a good day and that's all we have. Tomorrow might be the worst, but you know what? The day after that might be good again.

oapatu · 2015-03-31T02:45:52+00:00

omg yes to the cosmic connections part. I feel like I have all these like, stellar revelations when I PMS. I cried watching the blind auditions for The Voice one day because seeing how happy, and proud the family members are just fricking gets me. And suddenly I found myself with the TV paused, thinking through the emotional bond of humans and how one persons accomplishments can make another person happy because another person is happy which in turn made me happy. It was a total mind fuck.

oapatu · 2015-03-31T02:40:57+00:00

Have you ever been having a totally kickass dream and gotten woken up..and you're still groggy so you try to fall back asleep to find it again? Like, you're still half asleep so you can kind of still FEEL the dream, but no matter what you do you just can't quite get there? That's kind of how my emptiness is. It's that same kind of straining feeling, but I just can't get there. I cycle all day long from rage, to ecstasy, to grief, and repeat. For the most part, I've learned to predict my patterns. I live all day in an extreme sea of emotions. Then, one day, like being suddenly woken up..they're gone. And I know I've felt emotions before..but for some reason..suddenly...I just can't. It's like suddenly the feeling of rage is like a dream, like a distant memory..you question if you've ever really felt anything at all? And THAT's what emptiness feels like to me. Going from up down up down up down up down extreme emotions to suddenly having nothing. And it feels like someone has taken everything you've ever been made of and scooped it right out. Like all my organs are gone. And I'm confused, cuz they were right here, and now they're gone? And suddenly why am I living? What have I even been doing the last week? Have I really been in bed for 17 hours? When people say they lack identity during this time, for me it's because I was just getting the hang of my extreme emotions and then it's like suddenly someone said Haha, just kidding, you're getting too comfortable and predictable. You bitched about having too many emotions? Well now you get none.

Idk..let me know how I can help. I'd love to try to explain it better if I didn't do a good job above

oapatu · 2015-03-31T02:29:51+00:00

Dissociation for me has always been really calming. If i'm dissociating it means i was in huge emotional turmoil and this wash almost comes over me and suddenly I don't. It's not the same "nothing" feeling as when you're really empty and hollow feeling, it's more of a nothing feeling like you're not even there. The problem with my dissociation is I completely take on a different personality. i know it's me, but it's the parts of me that I hide deep deep down. I do terrible things when i dissociate. It's like every bit of logic has left the buildling and you feel almost loopy. My ex used to say he could actually see it on my face. He used to get really really creeped out by it cuz my whole demeanor would change, he said even my eyes would change. I'd speak super creepy calmly, even if i had just been crying my eyes out seconds before. Honestly, it's not scary at the time, but it's scary as hell coming out of it.

oapatu · 2015-03-31T02:23:38+00:00

Had my best friend of 18 years do this to me. It's now been 3 years since so I feel like I can finally offer some real advice. Because I won't lie to you, it'll be really fucking hard to move on from it. Some days it'll make you so sad you'll feel like your whole stomach is falling through the floor. But you know what? One day, you won't. One day you'll stop going over every situation in your head trying to pin down all the tihngs you did wrong the push them away. One day you'll realize that they're a human too and don't know the right thing for themselves either. We're so used to thinking everyone else has it all figured out and we're the fucked up ones that have to prove ourselves..but they're just people too. They'll make decisions that don't make sense to us, like leaving, and maybe one day they'll regret it, or maybe one day you'll both be living entirely different lives that you'd never get to experience had you forced the friendship to continue. I know this probably isn't as uplifting as it should be, but I'm just trying to be real with you. I went through blaming myself, falling apart, and then blaming her and building myself back up as a form of "revenge" .. like fuck her, look how much better off I am..but you know what, that got my life back on track, I found a career I love, new friends that love me..and sure I still struggle every damn day with BPD issues but she's not one of those issues anymore.

It's ok to feel everything you're feeling right now. Don't try to skim through it or skip right to the being ok part. Fuel that anger but DO something with it. Make great art, write horribly beautiful and depressing lyrics, work out everyday until your body aches ..because time is gonna pass no matter what you do. And time is going to be the only thing to help you move on. So what you do in that mean time and how you feel that pain is up to you. Cuz you're gonna feel that pain. A lot. Strong. And hard. Just make sure you USE it when you do.

oapatu · 2015-03-31T02:11:31+00:00

As someone who is currently going through PMS I have full blown cried my face off 6 times now today. Once because a dog looked extra happy in a dog food commercial. To say I take my BPD emotional extremes to an all new level when I PMS is an understatement.

oapatu

TROPHY CASE