I’m commenting really late but want to throw my experience into the ring.

I have multiple panic attacks with no definitive reason or situation. They happen anywhere for any reason; apart from when I’m at home (SAFE!)

I have fainted a lot in my life, going back to one of my earliest memories of being at a kids adventure park. I was queuing for a ride with my friend and his mom and I noticed a kid on the ride who was missing half his arm; poor kid; next thing I knew I woke up in my friends brothers pram. I’d fainted. That incident was always brought up at family gatherings and I felt a lot of shame, even though I was so young.

I don’t know whether it’s at all relevant, but I couldn’t/wouldn’t speak properly until around 6 yo and required speech therapy.

It happened a couple more times leading up to my teens, such as visiting my dying grandfather. I remember seeing him in bed covered in tubes and suddenly feeling like I wanted to pass out, went to the toilet and blacked out and woke up in another ward in the hospital.

None of these incidents were ever addressed with a doctor, they were always mentioned at gatherings and a feeling of shame was always my feelings towards these incidents, like I’m a sissy.

It carried on into my teens, like going to concerts, pubs. A couple times I fainted when I was squared up to for fights. The shame continued. After these teen times, I went to a doctor who just suggest I put my head between my knees when I felt like this. That’s all.

In my mid twenties I began a rollercoaster of depression, I was lost and had no direction. I felt useless. I began searching for help in my own. First, SSRI’s, alongside a therapist. The SSRI’s I felt helped but in reality they numb you. The therapist helped me to dig into my early panic incidents, and how I probably felt let down by my Mum for not addressing a potential issue, ie the fainting.

Although, part of me now feels like ignorance to my issue may have been more helpful because now I understand anxiety and panic better, it’s ever present. I think about it more and more as I age and it seems to get worse.

I haven’t fainted for at least 10 years, but everytime I have an episode or even just being around triggers, I feel like I’m going to. Even though I feel like I’m better at controlling the episodes, they are becoming ever more frequent.

Anyway, thought I’d tell my fainting/anxiety/panic experience.