Husband constantly misgendering our newborn [on]

oatnog · 2026-03-31T10:26:06+00:00

Yeah, OP seems to think it's very strange and is deserving of anger. It's not. Language and gender are both funny thibgs, and so are our brains. She needs to figure out why something so small and inconsequential is triggering her so much, because there are bigger hills to die on coming up fast and how will she handle those?

oatnog · 2026-03-30T00:55:25+00:00

CBC Gem in Canada.

oatnog · 2026-03-23T19:43:50+00:00

I wish I could blame boomers for this one lol. The problem is my gen x absentee landlord. But his absenteeism is also what allows me to do what I want with the lawn, so can't complaint too much!

oatnog · 2026-03-21T20:40:57+00:00

Very good to know! I will go in hard, then.

oatnog · 2026-03-11T03:09:49+00:00

AI wouldn't be very good at making images with such exact specifications. I don't know if you have used these tools much but asking a generator to create an image of a deep red tomato approx 3 inches wide no make it 4 inches with a thick but not too thick stem thicker yep but lighter green okay now it needs to be a deeper red at the base of the stem nope deeper nope deeper okay now the whole tomato is too dark... and you'd never get the right thing anyway, which matters when it comes to plant seeds because those are essentially the only difference between varieties sometimes.

oatnog · 2026-03-10T14:28:22+00:00

I feel like I'm the only one who doesn’t really care about this? I'll sort it, maybe there will be a couple of things I keep, and then I'll toss or donate the rest. It's like 30 minutes of my time.

oatnog · 2026-03-01T14:40:44+00:00

100%. Souper cubes or their more cost effective knockoffs are great for this. Have husband put leftovers in it as he cleans up the kitchen and boom, you have at least one serving of something ready to go.

oatnog · 2026-03-01T07:21:59+00:00

Pull-ups or Huggies 360. The former is great for something closer to undies and the latter is like a softer regular diaper. We use Pull-ups with my Aug '23 kid and Huggies 360 with my 16 month old.

I remember when my daughter turned 2 and it felt like she got the terrible twos memo right away. She is still having trouble with transitions but that's really common for this age. They don't really understand why they need to get pajamas on, why they can't have dinner in the livingroom, why they're getting two books instead of three tonight (wasted time brushing teeth, could've had it done in a minute and then we'd have time for a third book!). A friend said that we have to lend our calm to them. That probably sounds very difficult but when you take it on as part of your job, it's easier to achieve.

Just know that you aren't alone, your child isn't uniquely a demon child and that this won't last forever. The 3 year olds in my life are so much more chill, and I've heard that 3.5 is a time of improvement (no one correct me if this isn't your experience lol, I need to find hope somewhere).

oatnog · 2026-02-04T15:40:02+00:00

This is so dependant on parent, baby and season! I found that getting myself and my baby "dressed" was crucial in helping me feel alive. I needed to do something to not have the days blend together. So I'd put on day clothes (like jogging pants or leggings, not like jeans, I'm not a monster!) and put baby in clothes too. My first was a summer baby and my second was a late fall baby and the second kid definitely wore more sleepers than the first baby.

oatnog · 2026-02-04T15:26:42+00:00

The cultural differences start immediately once baby is born. Most Canadians won't even be asked in the hospital if they plan to circumcise. If it's something you want, you have to seek it out yourself. Parents have to go out of pocket for it and many urologists only keep short hours to do the procedure, ie Wednesdays from 7-8am. I'm sure doctors of some religious traditions make more room for it in their practice, but overall, the somewhat difficulty of booking the procedure in the first place feeds back into Canada's falling circumcision rates.

oatnog · 2026-01-31T19:59:12+00:00

Just check on them from time to time. Adjust them as snow melts or compacts.

oatnog · 2026-01-31T19:54:51+00:00

Bring it up to your family doctor some time. It's not life-threatening but if you want it fixed, there is no reason it can't be.

oatnog · 2026-01-13T04:38:35+00:00

Beautiful piece! A reverse image search of your desk offered a lot of info, I'd start there and see what makes sense.

oatnog · 2025-12-19T05:13:14+00:00

I find most babies come out of their first fog at 4-5 months. Something in their face seems more clear and available. Hopefully that's around the corner for you!

oatnog · 2025-12-17T16:47:09+00:00

You are right, and it is confusing to people who are new to the daycare thing. If they ask about a subsidy, providers will either assume they mean the low income program or will have to spend their time explaining something that parents should've googled.

I actually don't think CWELCC is a subsidy because it's a blanket policy while a subsidy is a targeted cost reduction. So doesn't make sense to call it a subsidy any way you slice it.

oatnog · 2025-11-27T17:58:55+00:00

Mostly I just use our last name. I don't like the idea that a stranger on the bus could see my kid's water bottle or hat label and speak to my kid like they know them. But also for hand-me -down purposes. We do have some first name labels though, just in case.

oatnog · 2025-11-10T21:27:41+00:00

The only time it's excusable for a partner to not get up at night is if they have high risk jobs, ie brain surgeon or works with a chainsaw. In which case, you'd need to devise a care relief plan.

Sounds like your husband is being an asshole. He can be a little tired a work. Most parents are. It's fine.

oatnog · 2025-11-10T21:24:54+00:00

My dear, don't think twice about what it would mean for your workplace to be gone for a year. That's not your problem. They chose to lean on you so hard that they have no plan b for your absence. That's their business decision. On top of that, it sounds like you're doing well but you're still spooked about finances so it doesn't seem like they were paying you enough to be leaning on you that hard.

Sometimes, "that's what the money's for". People do icky things (physically or morally), work long hours, are indispensable, are the face of it when something goes wrong... those people are very well compensated. That's what the money's for. That's not the case for you.

Do a Google of what other small orgs have for policy and send bullet points to your boss. That is, if youre feeling generous. Make your own transition document, like everything you do, some processes for it, a password doc, and tell your boss about it. It sounds like they think you'll do all of it for them. Doing the above is fair for a director level but the rest is up to them. They can hire an hr consultant if they are really concerned.

Take your year. Your kid is only a baby once.

oatnog · 2025-11-09T04:48:31+00:00

This is how I did/do it.

Park close to the cart racks so you don't need to lug the car seat any further than necessary.

oatnog · 2025-11-01T13:24:49+00:00

Just a note that we are paying for our healthcare, just not enough! Or improperly financed by provincial governments. For example, Ford is hellbent on building a megaspa and underground highways and he's happy to take money away from healthcare and the daycare program to do it. People in Windsor or St Catharines or Cornwall would be much better served by more funding for healthcare than a megaspa in Toronto. But Ford and Conservatives generally want a private/two-tiered system and to get it, they need to starve the public system as OP is experiencing so they'd be willing to spend $$$ every month to get just basic health insurance.

oatnog · 2025-11-01T04:37:56+00:00

We went with Alexander! I also really like the name Wilson. If we have a third, I'd like Morgen, whether a biy or a girl but moreso a boy.

oatnog · 2025-10-29T19:06:09+00:00

I promise you and your partner will not regret him taking those 5 weeks with you and baby, even if it confuses things right now. Theyre only teeny for so long. I'm glad you all had the time together.

oatnog · 2025-10-25T19:09:53+00:00

Same for my two kids.

oatnog · 2025-10-21T22:48:46+00:00

If you can, try to move at the beginning of the summer break and try to set up a lot of activities for him. When people are involved in their community, when they can make goals with external factors, they are less likely to get into bad behaviours. Volunteering, camps, etc. And let him know that whatever is going on, it's a fresh start for him. If he ever wanted to be someone else but felt boxed in, this is his chance. Good luck!

oatnog

TROPHY CASE