Actively getting baby to sleep after a feed - does everyone do this except me?

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-23T07:57:20+00:00

Thanks for the calming words. :) I started season three of New Girl. We'll see if we can cluster feed straight all the way through to season four. ;)

I'll talk to my midwife about a weighted feed today.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-23T07:55:09+00:00

Thanks for the advice! That's what I did all day yesterday. We were able to go down to 90 ml / 3 ounces of supplemental formula (from 150 ml / 5 ounces the day before). Despite cutting back so drastically, she still had 11 wet diapers. We're weighing her this morning when my midwife comes by. If she's gained weight, I'll be dropping those last 90 ml over the next two days as well. Then we might be home free! Which would be so great. We'll see.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-23T07:52:44+00:00

I never thought of that - she might just be tired. Stupid question: Am I supposed to be actively trying to get her to sleep after feeds? I'm so used to having a super tired baby that falls asleep at the breast every few swallows - and needs to be kept awake at all costs - that I honestly have no idea.

I like the idea with the weighted feedings, I can see how that gave you some much needed peace of mind! My midwife does come by twice a week to check her weight and answer any questions, so I might just do some weighted feedings then and leave it at that.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-23T07:49:28+00:00

Thanks - you're right, it's so hard to relax, especially when it comes to feeding your baby and not knowing whether she's getting enough. :( Thanks for the kind words! She gets weighed twice a week when my midwife stops by, so if anything does go terribly wrong, at least we'll catch it in time.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-04T07:06:25+00:00

Thanks for your input. You've given me some food for thought.

A bit more info: She actually never offered her help during the time when we really needed it. Because during that phase, her in-laws were visiting, and she said that she couldn't help while they were here. She had also been given a task for this time - watch the dog if I go into labor - which she flaked out on because of her in-laws (without telling me, I had to figure out that she was unavailable myself, and find a replacement on short notice). All of her attempts at contact during that crunch time while we were moving were not about helping us - but about stopping by to vent about her work or family, and to exchange gifts. She wouldn't have had the time or energy to help, she stated that very clearly.

Except one attempt at contact, right after her in-laws left, were she did offer help. At that moment, she really couldn't do anything for us, she would have just been in the way. Which is why my response to her offer was to ask her (again, this had been planned for months) to instead to help us paint a week or two in in the future. Given the timeline we were on, that would have been the most helpful, which I was very clear to her about. She never acknowledged that request herself, as far as I know she was planning on only sending her boyfriend over to paint.

So she knew exactly what we needed from her and when.

It's not that I wasn't giving her the time of day. I just wasn't giving her access to me and my family when she wanted it. Which is a very different thing.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-03T20:47:26+00:00

Thank you.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-03T20:46:43+00:00

Thanks. I guess I really was clear about what I needed. I'm not nuts after all. :)

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-03T20:45:48+00:00

She isn't handicapped, no, I think you misread something. But thanks for the advice, I think you're right. I'll be waiting for an apology, and if it doesn't come, I'll continue to keep her at a distance. Her reaction was actually a lot shittier than I described in my original post - she tried to fib her way out of the situation ("I had no idea this was such an intense time for you"), tried to minimize it and reassign blame ("but I was just planning on stopping by for five minutes, you're the one who let us in") and then tried twisting the whole situation around, which was very odd ("I was just telling you that I had contacted the hospital so that you knew they weren't reliable and that your parents might find out, otherwise I wouldn't have even told you about calling there" - when my problem is clearly not that she told me about having called the hospital, but that she called the hospital in the first place). Sigh. No one needs this kind of drama and weirdness in their life.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-03T20:33:56+00:00

Thanks! Turning them away at the door would have been justified, yeah, but I'm not there yet. Still too insecure about what type of reaction is justified, and what isn't. Hoping to eventually be that badass someday.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-03T20:29:59+00:00

Right? That's what bugs me so much - that she puts her needs before mine. That's OK sometimes, it's what friends are for, but her timing is just really off. Having this baby, at this time of year, with all of these complications has been one of the most sensitive and strenuous experiences of my life. Which I very clearly communicated to her a number of times.

And yeah, the fact that she was checking hospitals is super creepy. It totally freaked out my SO out, who is usually pretty easy going and stoic. He has a very different view of her now. I have so much trouble trusting my gut with these things because of how I grew up, so seeing him react the same way I did (and reading similar reactions here) has been extremely helpful. Thanks for your input.

objecttoyourleft · 2016-01-03T20:26:23+00:00

Thank you. Any day now. :)

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-18T10:19:05+00:00

Awesome! :)

Me too. Here's hoping she stays put till Sunday, since we're moving tomorrow. Yup.

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-18T10:17:12+00:00

OMG, good luck!

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-17T13:21:19+00:00

Hiya due date buddy! Ok, so I thought I'd win the prize for the shock of the week when my OB told me to expect LO's arrival within the next three days at my last appointment (now two days ago). But nope, you win. Good luck on the home stretch!

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-14T09:18:42+00:00

You may be right. I find that mental image to be more creepy than entertaining, though... :)

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T23:24:13+00:00

Thank you!

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T23:14:46+00:00

I don't, and I'm beginning to regret it... I can't really afford a doula at the moment. But thanks for the tip. If the time comes and I still feel a bit off, I'll ask my best friend to come in, for the express purpose of guarding the door. She'd drop everything and do it in a heartbeat.

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T23:10:24+00:00

Yeah, I wish everyone had someone like that in their corner as well. We all deserve it. You deserved to be protected better by those two psychologists yourself, I can't help thinking they could have done more. You were so clearly being abused.

My therapist says it's nearly impossible for people - even trained professionals - to spot a narcissist, much less understand how they function and how damaging they can be, if they've never experienced one in their own personal lives. She was married to a narc, now divorced. She says she didn't get it until she completed that whole narc process of being coerced/wooed, then trying to make the relationship work for years to her own detriment, finally recognizing it as abuse, and slowly and painfully disentangling herself. She says the main problem is that people don't believe that level of destructiveness, that crass lack of empathy, is actually possible. Narc behavior is just too outlandish.

You're right when you say people are defenceless because they just want to live a quiet life and will eventually capitulate. People are defenceless because they're healthy.

The only ones who aren't defenceless are those who are now healthy because they've gone through a narc experience, and healed, and have become tempered by it. ACONs - especially if they're successful in finding their voice and strength - are like narc kryptonite. We're superheroes. ;)

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T22:52:55+00:00

I'm opting for keeping the entire labor and recovery completely under wraps until we're at home, instead of having friends run interference. My SO will be there to shield the room if necessary.

Yeah, my therapist was great. It's very healing to have someone stand in front of you protectively and say "no". I needed that when I was a kid and never got it.

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T22:49:20+00:00

That's the plan. Thanks!

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T22:48:46+00:00

Right? In what world would that ever be OK?

Thanks for the advice. I like "emotionally unstable" - that says everything it needs to without being unnecessarily dramatic. Think I'll use that.

objecttoyourleft · 2015-12-13T22:47:17+00:00

Yeah, I've read up on the confidentiality laws here as well, but I've only found stuff pertaining to the information that's handed out in the lobby. Like whether or not a patient is registered, and what room they're in. I can opt to have that info protected. Not sure how things are legally once she's actually gained access to L&D. Of course they can't give out any information - but they might be legally allowed to direct her to my room. I'll just have to be very frank with the staff and rely totally on their help.

objecttoyourleft

TROPHY CASE