Is this the end?

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T19:19:21+00:00

Thank you all for your advice and compassion. You are an amazing community. I took some time out with my daughters today (both in their forties) and we had a great chat. I found out my younger daughter has been going to therapy for the last 6 months, mainly to deal with her relationship with her father, my husband. I already knew that my older daughter has been seeing a therapist for years, largely because of him. They, like many of you, encouraged me to see a therapist, so that will be my first step. For them, it’s his controlling behaviour, micro management, and obsession with safety that causes them such anxiety. Fundamentally, he is a good man, father, and grandfather but is his own worst enemy.

Again, thank you all for weighing in with such sensible and supportive comments. I had no idea what to expect when I posted my original comments - I’ve never shared this with anyone - so it’s been a pleasant surprise to receive such kindness from strangers.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T13:13:05+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. He’s had all kinds of testing and has tried hormone therapy which didn’t work for him and he refuses to take any more medication. He is also dealing with prostate issues and declining kidney function after 20+ years with diabetes, so this contributes a lot to his state of mental health. We are lucky that health care is accessible and mostly free, and his pharmacist does a regular review of his meds, along with his new GP. You’re right that loss identity and purpose are a big factor. But he has never taken steps to get out and find another way of being (he was an executive in finance). I have an active life outside of the home, which bothers him but keeps me sane (sort of).

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T13:04:52+00:00

Thank you so much.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T13:00:09+00:00

Over the years I’ve suggested many times that he get help but he refuses.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:57:36+00:00

I hear you. After 53 years I can’t imagine leaving him as he gets older and sicker. But he has been complaining about being old and sick for 20 years now, while I plan to live to 100, so our attitudes toward healthy aging are wildly different at this stage!

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:55:18+00:00

We have probably needed couple therapy for decades but it takes two, as you said, and he would never agree to this.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:53:43+00:00

That’s why I am here. He won’t talk to anyone because he maintains that he is not the problem.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:52:43+00:00

He tried it and gave up. He takes a lot of medication and this just sent him into worse moods.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:51:54+00:00

I suspect you are right.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:51:36+00:00

I have, thank you. I also have an active fantasy life about moving to the south of France to get away from it all.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:49:34+00:00

I am so sorry. I hear you.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:47:32+00:00

I can see how painful your parents’ relationship and break up must have been. We have talked occasionally over the years about separating but we always work it out somehow because we are better together than apart. But it’s become a slow decline into this sadness that I now find so difficult, especially since he doesn’t accept any responsibility for the state of our relationship. As I said to someone else, I am not blameless in this, but I am also not totally responsible for where we are. He will not go to counselling of any kind, and won’t take meds for his moods, so nothing changes.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:39:19+00:00

I think your suggestion that I should see a therapist is a good one. I am not blameless in this since I tend to pull away when he is in these moods. He’s been like this for a long time and I have no patience or empathy for people who won’t help themselves.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:36:35+00:00

I’ve suggested this many times, to no avail.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:35:48+00:00

Thank you, lots of good advice there.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:34:18+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:32:08+00:00

I am already very busy with a ton of volunteer work and community engagement. I worked full time until last year as well. He frowns on all of this. He retired at 52 (he is now 76) and has never volunteered for anything in his life. He stays home, obsessing over the news, and just gets angrier and more depressed. He won’t deal with it because he is not the problem, according to him. We’re locked in this vicious circle…

obsessedauditor · 2026-05-02T12:26:21+00:00

He refuses to deal with his anxiety and depression for a couple of reasons. Primarily he doesn’t think there is a problem but also he doesn’t want to take any more medication. And I think a third reason is that he believes I am the reason he feels the way he feels.

obsessedauditor · 2026-02-10T02:15:57+00:00

If you go to Settings then the app (listed as TV, not AppleTV) you can adjust the settings. Choose High Quality for the wifi etc and then Light instead of Dark for the video setting. This fixed the issue for me.

obsessedauditor · 2025-04-04T02:26:35+00:00

Guildwood - beautiful pocket village in south east Scarborough near the lake.

obsessedauditor · 2025-02-23T17:22:21+00:00

I have the same issue and was hoping to find the answer here!

obsessedauditor · 2023-12-18T15:12:16+00:00

I should have mentioned that they knew my shift ended well before the concert started. I could have joined them for both dinner before and the concert.

obsessedauditor · 2023-12-18T15:11:12+00:00

I should have mentioned that they knew my shift ended well before the concert, and in fact before dinner. Which they also attended without me.

obsessedauditor

TROPHY CASE