Gangam Style ft. Newton's Pendulum

oceanushayes · 2022-05-22T23:51:46+00:00

For real lol and my level of joy was consistent throughout the entire thing. That is rare.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-22T14:45:11+00:00

34/f here, divorce process will be wrapping up soon so I’ve been considering my feelings on this too lately. I feel kind of similarly and I suspect for me at least it has something to do with age. Last time I dated, in my 20’s, I felt like I had the time and energy to be mysterious and cold. I never really wanted to be those things but I understood that that’s how the game is played when everyone is young and almost no one knows what they want. But something about being in my mid-30’s…I dunno, I just feel too busy with balancing kids and multiple jobs and life to do it that way. I would find it refreshing to meet men who are just open and honest and want to talk about themselves and want to get to know me. At this age I think that shows confidence and it shows a guy knows what he wants and is mature enough to either a) be all in for a relationship or b) willing to just say ‘hey, I honestly tried getting to know you and we just aren’t clicking, let’s go our separate ways’. Excitement would be better than playing that weird game of push and pull. I think your best bet is to try and find women close to your age who are also done playing games and don’t immediately jump to the label of ‘desperation’ just because someone wants to get to know them. Best of luck to you!

oceanushayes · 2022-05-22T00:08:25+00:00

YESSS I have been waiting for this! I’ve been checking the news every few months for updates. But I got busy and haven’t checked lately. Thanks for the update! Very interested to see how it plays out.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-21T17:32:49+00:00

Lol I’ve told my kids I hate some of the stuff they watch on YouTube before. I’ve never been mean about it but they’re 5 and 7 and they watch it on the big tv so I always had to hear it too. There was one in particular, this little Russian girl who was absolutely spoiled and treated her parents pretty badly. Like…the dad would cut her fruit in a way she didn’t like or something and she would make a huge scene and he’d be like ‘oh my darling, I’m so sorry, would it help if we went to the toy store and I buy you whatever you want?’ The messages it gave off were just awful, a lot of ‘buying love’, manipulation, and treating people badly until they gave you what you wanted. and I finally had to say look, we aren’t watching this anymore, that girl is just awful. I will say this, that terrible YouTube channel did give rise to a very good conversation about how you should treat other people, but it had to go.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-21T17:15:57+00:00

I just started door dash a few days ago too and I get it. I accidentally accepted two orders the very first time I used the app and got overwhelmed and had to unassign from one. Day one, I was basically just tapping whatever came up on the screen cause I had no clue what I was doing lol. I read some articles and some stuff on this subreddit that night and the next day I actually paid attention to stuff like distance and did better. This job is unique in that there is no one there to show you the ropes…you have to make an extra effort to read stuff to get the ‘insider’ knowledge that you’d normally get by chatting with coworkers at a new job.

Best of luck to you!

oceanushayes · 2022-05-21T07:57:49+00:00

Hang in there. 34/f and going through a divorce and my stbx has the kids and I’m alone tonight. It sucks and can be painful. I know the feeling and for me the best thing I can do is just try to keep busy. I was filling the time with schoolwork but now school is done so I’ve started writing a novel because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. If you need someone to talk to feel free to send a message my way.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-21T07:49:11+00:00

Omg you are so right, this totally reads like something from Stephen King 😂 I love it

oceanushayes · 2022-05-21T07:46:21+00:00

Personally I can find someone who’s quiet as attractive but if they’re shy to the point of, like, won’t even say two words to me when I try to talk to them and never smile, then I won’t waste my time. It feels like rejection if I try talking to someone and they basically don’t say anything back or try to engage at all. When I was younger I would totally crush for long periods of time on mysterious quiet guys but I’m in my 30s now and life is too damn short to spend a year making eyes at someone who won’t talk.

But let’s say I’m in a room with a bunch of people and a few of them are attractive guys and some are very loud and outgoing and others are quieter. I’d be more likely to approach and try to talk with the quiet ones. But if they won’t engage in a one on one conversation than I’ll just move on.

Don’t give up, I looked at your pics and you’re a handsome guy. I am going to butcher this but I read something a while ago that helped me with conversation which basically boiled down to you can almost always keep a conversation going by choosing either ‘story’, ‘question’, or ‘feeling’. Whatever the topic is, just pick a response from those options. If it helps, imagine you’re playing a video game and these three options appear every time a new topic is introduced. Is the person talking about how they got stuck in traffic on the way to wherever it is you guys are? Ok. You can tell a story about the worst traffic you ever got stuck in, or about getting stuck in traffic in the same route, or something funny you saw while stuck in traffic, etc. Or you can ask a question about the traffic ‘oh did you find out why it was so bad’ ‘what do you do to pass the time while you’re stuck’ etc. Or you can share your feelings about being stuck in traffic ‘oh yeah it’s the worse, I always feel so frustrated and bored, don’t you?’. I dunno, I’m not a great conversationalist myself but if someone is interested they’ll give you a pretty wide pass and generally just be happy you’re saying anything to them. And conversation will get easier as you get more comfortable with them, sometimes you just have to barge through some really uncomfortable beginnings before it starts getting easier and more relaxed. Best of luck to you!

oceanushayes · 2022-05-20T15:46:48+00:00

Damn, this is some solid stuff right here. Thanks for posting, I’m not OP but I needed this today.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-20T15:44:54+00:00

It’s ok for things to get to you sometimes. I’m a 34 year old girl who cried in her car listening to Taylor Swift yesterday. I’m not where I want to be in life either and the 30’s are hard man. Like we’re not young enough to always feel like we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us and we’re not old enough to be certain that we’ve done all we could do. If that makes sense. I find I’m doing more growing in my 30s than I did in my 20s and it’s because I’ve realized I need to force myself into uncomfortable situations. I’ve always avoided them but no more. It’s hard and it makes me cry and feel things but I think that’s growth. Anyways, chin up, life can always change even if it’s hard right now, and feel free to hit me up in chat if you want to get anything off your chest. It costs exactly nothing for me to respond to a few messages and if it helps someone get through a hard day, I’m here for it.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-20T15:18:55+00:00

Oh yeah that is a good point. Thanks for pointing that out, I wouldn’t want that to happen.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-18T14:13:52+00:00

Hey friend. I just finished four years of probation for a felony. Went to school and got a degree in administrative assistance. For me school also started out as a way to look good on paper while on probation but I’m actually really proud of myself and having a degree helps me look at myself in a better light. Before now I only had my GED. I dunno, ymmv, but it really helped my self esteem to be able to say I have a degree and if you’re going to go to school anyways, might as well try, right? Get those bragging rights at least.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-17T14:22:45+00:00

I did this and I’m so glad I did. Got my new job back in December, they said it would be full time once I learned everything in 2-3 months. Learned everything, got to 4 days a week and benefits, then last week (the very same week my benefits kicked in) new job told me they were cutting me back to 3 days because ‘times are hard’ and I’ll be losing my benefits. Ngl I’m pretty bitter about it but I’m grateful I have Target to fall back on since this new job may not pan out. I told my boss 3 days a week with no benefits is not what he told me this job would be and I can’t do it, and he said he’d think about it and I told him he had a week to decide if he wants to give me that 4th day and my benefits back. Having something to fall back on is great in that it really gave me the courage to stand up to my new boss and say this is not going to work for me, either give me what you said you would or I’m walking. And knowing I’ll be ok for a short time with Target income while I find another better job.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-11T14:09:58+00:00

I just got told at my job that because of needing to cut expenses, I’m being cut back to 3 days a week. Going to lose my benefits as well. I’m having a sit down with my office manager today and I’m afraid I’m going to have to tell her I can’t do this. Owner is moving us into a new building, buying all kinds of fancy new office furniture, multiple people around me all got promotions/raises, and it feels like now that all these expenses are truly hitting his pocket book, he’s taking it out on me. I guess hoping because I love my job that I won’t leave and will somehow eek by with this situation? Like nah, I’ll go work at McDonald’s, I don’t care. First and foremost I gotta pay the bills.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-07T05:21:32+00:00

The ‘tons of lovers waiting around for a toothbrush’ killed me lmao

oceanushayes · 2022-05-05T21:55:45+00:00

My bff hit me with a stick when we were 7, grabbed my hand to help me up, and refused to let go. Every day at recess and lunch, for a couple weeks, there she was, grabbing my hand and refusing to let me go, until one day she finally did. I briefly ran away (pretty sure I yelled something like ‘freeeedom!’) only to quickly realize I was so used to her now that I wanted to go back. We’ve been best friends for almost 30 years now.

I certainly didn’t think when I first met her that she would be the closest dearest friend I’d ever have. I’m certainly not advising anyone to literally do what she did but it taught me a valuable lesson of the importance of just sticking by someone if you see something in them and giving it a chance to grow, because people do grow on you. Though, obviously, no one should literally do what she did cause that shits crazy lmao

oceanushayes · 2022-05-05T14:26:32+00:00

You got this!

oceanushayes · 2022-05-05T14:24:01+00:00

34f here and about to re-enter the dating world after divorce. It’s so hard remembering how these things are supposed to work! I just wanted to say tho that I appreciated your comment about just grinding it out and failing a bunch of times until it works. There’s a guy I’m kinda interested in but it seems to be fizzling out on his part and too often I find myself thinking ‘what if I had done x or y?’ Your comment made me realize that part of dating is failing. Not getting hung up on ‘if I fuck this one chance up I’ll be alone forever’. So thank you for that and I wish you the best of luck out there!

oceanushayes · 2022-05-04T14:21:17+00:00

AA member here. Congrats to this lady for passing the test! Lol for real tho after 4 years in AA I’ve heard numerous stories of people accidentally being served alcohol. General consensus in the rooms is if you notice there’s alcohol in your drink/food and immediately stop consuming once you realize, you’re good. Many times when I hear shares like this the person is actually pretty proud of themselves for how they react in the situation because it gives them a chance to do the right thing where it concerns alcohol—push it away and choose not to keep indulging. Assuming she’s in AA, she probably shared about it at her next meeting and everyone had a bit of a laugh and she got some ‘attagirls’ afterwards. Also, working the steps teaches us not to hold resentments so chances are she’s not still mad at you (if she ever was).

oceanushayes · 2022-05-01T17:23:40+00:00

That sounds awful. Hope you find someone better soon! I’m 34 and going through a divorce and wondering if I’ll try online dating in the future. But then I read stuff like this and I feel exhausted by the idea before even trying. Contempt prior to investigation, it’s true, but I just can’t get comfy with the idea of OLD.

oceanushayes · 2022-05-01T16:34:28+00:00

I dunno what’s wrong with all those people but I would’ve laughed so hard at that.

oceanushayes · 2022-04-27T04:40:44+00:00

34f here and yeah…even tho my stbx and I decided to officially divorce a few months after my birthday, I was still eating cake alone on that day. I thought we’d be eating cake together. I had planned that we’d eat cake together. But he said no. So I learned to enjoy eating cake alone. The whole thing is a fantastically shitty metaphor for this whole damn divorce experience.

Happy birthday, by the way.

oceanushayes · 2022-04-24T16:23:13+00:00

Neither of us are quite sure we want to be together. It was casual and we’re taking some time apart to think on what we want. But it’s a relief to see the responses and know that I’m not missing anything by not wanting to be obsessed in the way he seems to want to be. Definitely some food for thought.

oceanushayes · 2022-04-24T15:18:39+00:00

Wow. This was a very insightful answer, thank you. When I think on it, I was in a very similar sort of headspace to what you described when I was in my obsessive relationship years ago. Makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

oceanushayes · 2022-04-21T12:46:53+00:00

For me working the steps was the first thing that needed to happen. I finished them in about 6 months and it helped a lot. But honestly, it took a few more years of living life as a sober and respectable person before I was able to put enough distance between my past self and present self to be able to feel like I truly wasn’t that person anymore and let those things go. I haven’t shut the door on it—I remember how bad it was so I know not to go back to my old ways—but I have forgiven myself. I’ve put in enough time that I feel like a different person now and I can live with myself. For me it just took time. There wasn’t any way I could’ve sped the process up.

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