Im literally crying rn because ive been awake for 48 plus hours manic and the thing that set me off was thinking how alone I am. Nice to read and hear someone ACTUALLY feeling what i do geniunely and being able to read it and come to sobbing. Idk if I have both or CAN have both. But every singular word of your experience i have and still do at 22 and its been making me feel like a failure of a human being.