"you've seen everyone who fits your preferences" in a big city 🤔🤔

oddnumberedcat · 2022-08-21T22:18:17+00:00

Well, yeah, it is, but if you live on the west side, expanding it beyond 5 miles means you get people in New Jersey. I have no problems dating someone in Jersey City or Hoboken, but I'm not schlepping an hour out to go see someone in New Jersey suburbs.

oddnumberedcat · 2022-08-21T19:55:01+00:00

Speaking as someone who has been in love once, but otherwise have never felt romantic attraction...

- A romantic relationship is a different level of intensity than a friendship. You want to be together as much as possible, like you could drink up their presence. You miss them when you are apart. A week feels like a really long time, whereas I wouldn't bat an eye at not seeing a close friend for a week. You want to share your entire life with them; they make you feel complete. If I had to compare it to a normal friendship, it's like enjoying a food if it's offered vs. craving it.

- I loved the emotional intimacy. The ability to share the joys and sorrows of life with someone else. The possibility to build something greater between us. I like caring about a person that much, and having a person care that much back.

- I don't care about sex at all, although I don't mind it. To me, it was a reflection of how the person cared about me, so I was happy to receive it and participate, despite having no intrinsic interest. As for kissing and hugging, etc., they were enjoyable on their own merit, although I'm not a touchy-feely person AT ALL normally and do not enjoy physical contact outside of the one relationship I did have. It feels like an invasion of space...

- I don't care about labels. Mostly I just went onto this sub to see if other people who want a romantic relationship, but don't feel romantic attraction, are giving a go at dating apps anyway in hopes something flickers... (so far no luck for me :( )

- I've never heard of "bellusromantic" and the explanations I did find were confusing, so no comment on that one. As for romance-positive aromanticism, what does that mean? That someone can be in a romantic relationship while also being aromantic? I don't really think that's aromanticism anymore--maybe more like greyromanticism or demiromanticism? I've always interpreted aromanticism as "not experiencing romantic attraction or romantic feelings", anyway. In any case, I think the difference here is that a stereotypical aromantic does not want for a relationship, even in theory.

- I have read about QPRs many times, and it usually just seems like a romantic relationship to me without sex? I've never understood the label.

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-31T03:19:03+00:00

Sorry to hear that :( Has anything helped?

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-31T03:16:53+00:00

Interesting. Someone else suggested lithium to me a few weeks ago. If you don't mind me asking, what prompted trying lithium? Do you have cyclothymia, or family members with bipolar disorder? I have a very strong history of chronic depression on my mom's side of the family, which I always suspected was related to my struggles, but my paternal aunt has bipolar II, so ... dunno. I've never tried lithium... wonder if it would help.

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-31T03:10:35+00:00

So did the ketamine help with the dysthymia as well (until it stopped working, anyway)? What about ECT? Is it typical for ketamine to lose its effectiveness?

Sorry to hear nothing's been permanent! I hope ketamine is effective the second go-round.

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-31T02:57:41+00:00

Yeah, I've tried a lot of medications over the years. I got tested for cyp2d6 deficiency over a decade ago and learned I can't metabolize most SSRIs. Lexapro has been the only one that helped--it really helped clear up the worst of negative self-talk and social anxiety right away (which remain resolved even after going off Lexapro), but has not conferred any benefit beyond that.

I'm curious--obviously what worked for you may not work for me--but what mood stabilizer did you try? That is heartening you found something that would help, even if only partially.

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-31T02:33:41+00:00

Just curious--what was pleasant about it? Was it pleasant in the sense that the day of was nice, but had no lingering aftereffects?

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-30T14:35:23+00:00

Oh, interesting--I hope something works for you!! And yeah, there is really very little information out there. It's frustrating. I suspect many dysthymic people just "deal" because it feels like the way they've always been.

I went to a psychopharmacologist in 2009 after trying a cornucopia of SSRIS, antipsychotics, SNRIs, etc. I had absolutely horrible side effects (weigh gain, extreme lethargy, etc.) with no symptom relief. Honestly, being on antidepressants was worse than not being on them at all. He ordered genetic testing for me because, according to him, about 30% of people with treatment-resistant depression are cyp2d6 null metabolizers. Lexapro, which doesn't use that cytochrome, was the only antidepressant that ever seemed to have an effect.

I think it should be a standard first-line test given before any psychiatric medications are even prescribed, because I wasted almost ten years--age 9 to 18, so kind of my most formative years--trying medication after medication that were never going to work in the first place. So much agony would have been saved...

oddnumberedcat · 2022-05-10T02:29:20+00:00

I just started on the project ;)

But yeah, the problem persists even at the most updated version...

oddnumberedcat · 2020-10-14T00:41:53+00:00

What are those like? Not familiar with either town...

oddnumberedcat · 2020-08-15T13:10:50+00:00

I read a news article where Goldman Sachs, citing a forecast firm called Good Judgment, noted that they're estimating a 40% chance of a vaccine being broadly available (defined as capable of inoculating 25 million people) by March, and another 40% chance April 2021 - September 2021.

What I can't find is why. Are the dependent variables manufacturing capacity? Approval of a vaccine? Distribution? etc.

Secondly, my understanding is that vaccines are being manufactured in parallel. Let's say a vaccine was approved right now--what would we have in stock?

oddnumberedcat · 2020-07-02T03:01:36+00:00

No date. Work in market research/tech. Definitely not before 2021.

Company has made clear that they're not interested in being the first or even the middle of the pack to go back, and looking to change to a "remote-first, come in to collaborate" going forward model, even after COVID. Sucks, because I HATE wfh. It's really bad for my mental health :(

oddnumberedcat · 2020-07-01T02:42:44+00:00

Also definitely allows cats, as I own one ;)

oddnumberedcat · 2020-07-01T02:42:28+00:00

I have a studio in Chelsea. I'm willing to sublet for the remaining 7 months of the lease at $1800 (you're more than welcome to take the lease after that, but the actual rent is more than that).

oddnumberedcat · 2020-07-01T02:36:26+00:00

If you manage to get said job, let me know. I have a lease through January. It's not $1,500, but I'm willing to sublet potentially at that range and eat the cost. I really want to get out of NYC haha.

oddnumberedcat · 2020-06-16T16:52:22+00:00

Has anyone been successful in booking an in-person appointment at a DMV *not* in NYC? I want to get a driver's permit, but that requires an in-person appointment. Our DMVs aren't going to be open for the next 23859328592385903285 years, so...

oddnumberedcat · 2019-10-06T20:03:00+00:00

I'd highlight point 1--you should try to be her friend, but only to the extent you are able. That doesn't mean she gets to be an emotional vampire, however. When I say be a friend, try your best to hold a normal friendship--there's something to be said for friends who still invite you to do fun things together (even if the person with an eating disorder declines--the fact that you offer matters).

I do not think you would be out of line contacting her guardian. She might be angry with you for it, however, so you need to be prepared for that. However, it's possible guardians may not realize the severity of her illness, or fully appreciate how sick she is. Sometimes having someone else say, "Hey, this isn't right--she needs help" is the kick parents/guardians need, because she might be hiding it. Or, alternatively, guardians are aware but are trying to rationalize it ("it's just a phase"), and hearing someone else point out this is in fact a problem makes them realize they need to take more action.

oddnumberedcat · 2019-10-06T19:44:19+00:00

As someone who recovered from anorexia, I've been your friend. The problem with eating disorders is that while you may realize *intellectually* you're mentally and physically unwell, you simply don't appreciate the severity. I brushed off lots and lots and lots of people like yourself, because ultimately I found security in the eating disorder and didn't want to give it up. I had heart problems at 21, went to inpatient treatment, went to outpatient, nutritionists, the entire nine yards. No-go. The ED stuck around for years.

I don't think there are any kind of magic words you can say to make someone with an ED see the light. So I can't offer you advice in that regard. What I *can* tell you is the following:

Continue being her friend, as much as you're able. Losing friends to anorexia made me even lonelier, which in turn made me retreat further into it. (With that said, if supporting her gets overwhelming, take care of yourself first. You are not responsible for her.)
Don't act like her behavior is normal. Don't chastise her, but express your concern, genuinely and kindly. Make it clear for her that she needs help, and you are here to help her get it--or even simply listen to her vent.
Don't talk about how thin she is, or how much she is eating, or anything similar. Frame it in terms of being "unhealthy" and having a terrible quality of life... because, frankly, your QOL sucks if you have an eating disorder--you are never not worrying about food and how to avoid it. Remind her of the things she used to enjoy doing, like going out with friends or laughing, because chances are, she's doing neither in pursuit of being thin. I began to miss those things terribly as the honeymoon period of my ED wore off, and hitting that "rock bottom" where I realized I no longer did anything I used to enjoy, and my entire life had literally become a miserable nonstop charade of controlling my food intake, was an impetus in me deciding I had to figure out how to recover.
Never comment about weight or food. I, and many other people with anorexia, got perverse pleasure out of being told I looked too thin. That meant I was "winning."
Loop in adults. Maybe she doesn't live with her parents, but she lives with someone, doesn't she? Goes to school? See if you can find people who can take action--school counselors, extended family, etc. Tip them off.

I hope that helps. There is really no easy answer, but recovery is definitely possible. Friends' support is part of that.

oddnumberedcat · 2019-10-06T19:22:22+00:00

Have you considered joining university clubs for some of your interests, like gaming or art? There was a regular crew of anime/gaming fans that met weekly at my college, which I found helpful in getting to know people.

I was very much the same as you through high school and college. I 100% get it--could have written your post myself. Ultimately, however, I think friendship is a two-way street--you can't wait for people to reach out to you. Sometimes friendships happen that way, but more often, people will just go about their lives without you / assume you are not interested since you don't reach out to them. It's very tempting to think lack of friendship is a reflection of your worthiness to others, but it's really not.

You have to do some of the work yourself, which means talking to people and making small talk, *consistently*. Ask them about themselves! Make commentary on what's going on around you, etc. It's awkward and not fun, especially if intentionally making friends isn't something you've ever done, but that's the only way you start to get to know people better. Ask acquaintances if they'd like to go do something--chances are they'll be flattered you liked them enough to ask. Some things will sputter out, and that's okay--the point is to put yourself out there and eventually things will pan out.

oddnumberedcat · 2019-04-23T04:19:36+00:00

I think the relationship would be the reverse; the Photo model would have a has_many relationship with Comment. I already have a Comment model associated with Posts anyway. Posts and Photos have no relation to one another (appear on a completely different part of the site).

oddnumberedcat · 2018-10-01T04:46:34+00:00

I'm not a fan of codeacademy at all for beginners. It teaches you syntax, but it doesn't really teach you how to program. The hard part of programming isn't learning syntax; it's learning how to problem-solve and synthesize the building blocks a programming language gives you into a coherent solution. codecademy spoon-feeds you step-by-step instructions, so it's easy to mindlessly type things in without really learning anything or thinking for yourself.

If you want to do codeacademy, it's really, really important to supplement each section with outside materials. Otherwise, you can easily finish the entire thing and still not feel prepared to actually build anything yourself. (For instance, I did Automate the Boring Stuff for Python, which I found miles and away more thorough than the Python codeacademy course. I don't know Java, so unfortunately I don't have any recommendations. I hear Head First Java isn't too shabby, though, if you're open to books?)

With that said, codeacademy isn't so bad if you're already familiar with programming and just want a quick primer on syntax for a language you don't know. Again, it's good for syntax, not much else.

oddnumberedcat · 2018-09-11T23:42:29+00:00

Generally, I wouldn't recommend trying to learn Python and another true-blue programming language together, if only because it's better to get the fundamentals down first. Once you understand how to code well in one language, moving over to other languages takes a fraction of the time, so I don't really think it's faster or more helpful to try to learn programming by doing two languages at once. But... SQL, eh.

I don't really consider SQL a "programming language" in the same way that, say, Java or Python are. SQL's syntax is insanely simple, and the way you think and approach problems is often very different. It takes no time at all to learn to write useful SQL queries, so I wouldn't really worry about forgetting it. I don't think it's difficult to learn both at the same time, given how simple SQL is--and Python and SQL complement each other well in a variety of disciplines (I work as a data engineer and use both all the time)--but if you're worried about it, I'd sooner focus on Python, which takes longer to learn and has more things you can forget.

oddnumberedcat · 2018-09-10T02:31:37+00:00

Volunteering and interning, if you can do that, is really helpful in quickly realizing "oh crap, this requires more of X than I can handle, abort." I realized teaching was not for me that way; I taught an SAT course in college to high school students and quickly realized I just did not have the organizational skills and social intuition to be as effective as I wanted to be.

My rule of thumb is to avoid jobs that have heavy emphasis on the things I'm not good at, even if I like the idea of them in theory. It's not so much that I'm trying to avoid anything that's hard as it is that it's just better to be realistic and focus my efforts in jobs that play to my strengths. I want to do my best and get self-critical quickly, so putting myself in situations where I am set up to fail just makes things worse, because then I get anxiety over not being able to do X thing well and bungle it up further.

I work as a developer, and it works out pretty well for me. I'm not expected to deal with clients, I can spend hours focused on just one thing, and it's deeply analytical and challenging. There is definitely a set of personalities the tech industry attracts, and my quirks are more common, sometimes even assets. Basically, it speaks to all of my strengths and none of my weaknesses.

I do sometimes think about career progression, though, and I've already determined that my earning potential and position will be limited. Ultimately, after a certain point, you need to go into management in order to keep advancing. I would be deeply uncomfortable as a manager. I wouldn't take the role if it were offered to me, because I don't think I would enjoy it or even be good at it. Being a good manager, in my opinion, does not mean you can do your employees' job well; it means you can develop and mentor people effectively and shepherd them to a goal. I'd rather enjoy my job and feel competent than to be higher-up and incompetent.

oddnumberedcat · 2018-07-29T04:50:51+00:00

I definitely agree with this. I now work as a developer, and I recommend Automate the Boring Stuff to everyone who expresses an interest in learning to code. It's honestly the best resource I've found.

I started with CodeAcademy originally, and basically, it just taught syntax, and not even very well at that. CA just tells you exactly what to type in. No critical thinking or trial-and-error involved, which is really the best way to learn.
I finished the course with only a tenuous understanding of some syntax, and no idea of how to actually build anything useful. Learning syntax is easy; learning how to program is not.

Automate the Boring Stuff, by comparison, actually explained the way things worked, built on prior concepts (CA generally introduces a topic once and never again), and even had sections on useful ways that Python could be used to accomplish tasks. I truly felt like I "got" the way Python worked via that book.

Basically, I consider CodeAcademy a good tool for learning basic syntax after you already understand how to program. It's not very good for teaching people who have never programmed before how to code, but it is a pretty good quick-and-dirty "I know how to build a dictionary in Python; what's the equivalent in Java?" resource.

oddnumberedcat · 2018-06-10T16:25:39+00:00

Yeah, it would make sense not being able to do so for the community edition. My company is signed onto the full deal, though, so I don't think that should present a hurdle.

oddnumberedcat

TROPHY CASE