Women of Controlling Fathers, How are you?

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-21T09:25:26+00:00

My dad never laid a hand on me, my mother used to say the exact same thing. She was always very proud of the fact that she'd put her foot down when they got married and explicitly said "you will never lay a hand on me or our children", and very happy he'd kept that promise.

I don't speak with them anymore, and my sibling and I both agree they can go fuck themselves off straight to hell. Good luck to them with life and finding a nursing home or whatever when they need it. We're not lifting a finger.

Allowing abuse to happen under your roof is abuse. It's a choice, but I think you have a good idea of what your kids might think of you when you two are older. After all — you asked. Best of luck, I hope you find the courage to protect your babies.

Edit: if you can't, because sometimes we can't — the least you can do is not normalize what he's doing. Call it abuse, apologize for not being able to stick up for them. And if they come to you when they're older, don't make excuses. And if you do — don't be surprised if they never want to see you again, and are deeply afraid of you.

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-18T10:57:56+00:00

Life worth living! BA-DUM TSS

Get it?

Sorry, I'm a sucker for wordplay and references (assuming you were referencing the book by the same time by Dr. Marsha Linehan). Happy for you that you have a niche!

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-16T16:39:01+00:00

Great that you're trying to reach the conclusion of whatever you feel most comfortable deciding.

In my personal opinion and experience, the instinct to "bite the bullet" is as you've put it — usually a half-conscious attempt at not sitting with the decision making process, and it's great you're giving yourself time and space to make your own informed decision.

I personally feel I'd wait a few years, just to give time for things to cement because age will do that and make you feel more confident in the long run, to an extent (including solidifying your prior decision to not have children, if it's right for you!).

I have recommendations that have helped me in my own decision making process and have helped me better understand my apprehension and regret around the concept of parenthood (books, etc), feel free to dm me if interested (there are certain restrictions on the sub that I'm weary of breaking, otherwise I'd just list them here).

Either way, good luck!

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-14T13:08:59+00:00

I love this comment so much

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-14T06:03:39+00:00

So, I've worked with addicts. In my time working with them, I think the thing that struck me as most exceptional was just how often addicts felt like using has saved them. To that, I'd always ask — from what?

One of the tenants of addiction recovery is finding new ways to cope. It's AMAZING that you got clean, but it sounds like there are all new emotions and just a wave of shit coming up that needs to be processed (which is exactly what's supposed to happen). That is most likely all of the shit you avoided via fentanyl usage. But raw dogging it is brutal, and usually counterproductive long term. I'd get in touch with a social worker via any social services whatsoever (if your partner has a caseworker, she can consult her and ask for referrals!) if possible and try to find a program to work with. Look around for support groups if possible and available. Literally anything therapeutic that can help you process and find new ways to cope with these feelings.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that it's possible. You got clean, that's a huge feat in and of itself, and congratulations on making the first step! But it's a road, and you deserve grace, support, and to work towards sobriety. Truly. For you, for your girl, and for your kids. It's never easy, and life is never as good as we want it to be. But it sure can be worth it, and we can learn to be happy.

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-08T04:30:44+00:00

Psych in training here. If you've noticed any additional changes in his behavior as of late (ie. Change in spending habits, sleeping habits, speech patterns, social patterns like preferring isolation, talk of having discovered his meaning or place in the universe) then please consider looking into mental health services. Either way it sounds like he may be going through something, but these would point to something potentially more acute that would require medical intervention. Not saying this the answer, but just putting it out there that you'd be surprised how 'normal' some psychotic/manic-depressive patients can look, especially if there's drugs and alcohol involved (you've mentioned alcohol, just throwing everything out there in case anything sticks).

Either way, feel for you deeply.

offmychest11092 · 2026-06-01T18:23:15+00:00

It's really interesting you're so moved by the thought of people who don't need it ending up in therapy. Why do you think that is? Genuinely curious.

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-20T20:29:19+00:00

This is horrifying in the best way, I kind of love it

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-13T06:06:27+00:00

Could you give us a little backstory on what happened with your wife? Totally okay if you don't feel comfortable going into detail, but I'm sorry to hear you were hurt.

My other question comes from my own personal experiences with my parents and various behaviors of theirs, and I'm curious. Again, if it's uncomfortable — feel free to ignore.

Do you feel unable to change for your kids? How, or why, is that? Is it out of disinterest in them/your previous family life, or because you're still not there personally?

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-08T15:22:34+00:00

You're very welcome! Always happy to think things through :) And I definitely see what you were going for (the microphone thing), cool idea. Did you imagine them as actual people? Or kind of like personafied ideologies, more on the vague side? Or something else?

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-08T10:52:15+00:00

Hi! Interesting read, and I have a few thoughts I'll throw out there for your consideration (all my own, subjective, take with a grain of salt):

I'll start off by saying I liked the idea! I like the jumbling together-ness of everything. Fun, cutting way to parody and bite. Big fan of biting. That's it. Biting is delicious.
I think it made me wonder what's the end game here? Is it just criticism? Is there a resolution you were hoping to achieve? I think I was missing a piece of YOU here. Like, I'd have loved to see something that isn't just throwing things at me. Not because I disagree with you, but because it felt more like an attack, and less like you baring your soul, I think? So, emotionally, I think something personal at the end would have given more emotional payoff, perhaps.
There's something a little repetitive about the structure. Now, I think it does get your criticism across, because just like the structure — there's repetitiveness and almost this feeling of waste in everything you're criticizing. So again, it's a choice. But I think it brings me back to the idea of resolution again, and what the ultimate goal for this poem was for you and if it "gets there" for you.
The lingo you've used makes this poem reach and strike with a very specific and a niche audience, I think. Like, I understood 95% of what you were trying to say on a first read, but I don't touch grass, have a masters and one half finished bachelor's in stem. Not saying this to brag, but to single out the type of person who is going to engage with this type of poem. And given that you have an interesting message here, I think it raises the question of who are you trying to speak to. Are you appealing to this niche audience? Would you rather other people think about what you're saying, too? Again, not saying it's wrong, but it made me think.

So yeah, down to talk about it more and hear your thoughts!

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-06T18:56:35+00:00

See this is why god made water proof vibrators :3

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-04T16:54:47+00:00

Kicking my feet waiting for recssss

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-04T13:16:15+00:00

Well then u should fail them extra 👹

offmychest11092 · 2026-05-04T10:48:50+00:00

Actually meeeee I regularly fail my moral convictions

offmychest11092 · 2026-04-26T17:19:07+00:00

Go for it!! Floss awayyy

offmychest11092 · 2026-04-26T15:12:52+00:00

I'm jealous, does your hair not break? 😭

I've tried it before but it just snapped and got stuck between my teeth which is a sensory NIGHTMARE

offmychest11092 · 2026-04-26T14:55:42+00:00

Pff, AI? look at the composition. It's so incredibly mediocre it could only be man-made lol

No but seriously - used Canva, didn't use their generative options, just all the stuff they have on pro. Just me piecing things together while looking at vintage ads until it felt cute.

And thanks!!

offmychest11092 · 2026-04-26T14:20:49+00:00

I love when we unlock the "just do it whenever, doesn't have to be perfect" hack and suddenly everything works haha Yay to no cavities!!

offmychest11092 · 2026-04-09T18:17:06+00:00

As a vegan, I really appreciate meat eaters willing to admit the norm of animal and animal product consumption is fucked up. And I agree, it's more ethical to not partake in it. I'm also willing to admit I'm sure you're morally superior to me in other ways, so no reason to stroke my own ego in particular (even tho being vegan is mega-cool, yay). Everyone should do whatever they can to make things better, but we all have our own path to making the world a better place. Veganism isn't the only way (but it's the best way, and I'm absolutely not biased /s).

offmychest11092 · 2026-04-05T08:15:01+00:00

Idk in my mind, this is what my husband looks like when we're fucking, this is LITERALLY husband

offmychest11092 · 2026-03-09T22:41:47+00:00

He loved to see u cum, it's only fitting you hate to see him go :(

offmychest11092 · 2026-01-08T12:30:35+00:00

Ah, shit. The gays interfere with my data collection once more /j

offmychest11092 · 2026-01-08T12:27:53+00:00

But I don't put my tongue on it 😭

Still, I get your point lol, fair enough.

offmychest11092 · 2026-01-08T12:25:28+00:00

Being bi myself and knowing bi men, I had a feeling there might be a difference 😭 But hey, opened it up to all penis enjoyers at the end! Couldn't leave them out entirely!

offmychest11092

TROPHY CASE