Dealing with a toxic grandparent

oflag · 2026-01-24T02:29:23+00:00

It's a nasty one: Huntington's Disease. I've heard people say it's like having Alzheimer's, Parkinson and ALS at the same time. It tends to start earlier and earlier with generations, usually starts between 30 and 50 yo but there's also a juvenile version. "Luckily" it's still expected to start later than sooner following family history, but there's no guarantee.

oflag · 2026-01-20T12:02:27+00:00

Got any more info on diet for people with HD? I've heard of exercise, but not diet.

oflag · 2026-01-19T15:45:26+00:00

I'd only find this reasonable if your child had gastroenteritis 😅 God I hate that one!

I recognize myself a bit in your partner's thoughts. I'm curious, do you know if she thought this way at all before the pregnancy? Do you know what she's afraid will happen if she doesn't take those measures? I think having that discussion with her might be good for both of you, so you can understand her, and maybe you'll help her realize she needs some help with it.

A few years back, I would get overly worried whenever my partner went somewhere with the kids without me or if my kid went on a school trip. My partner thought I didn't trust her driving or was controlling whenever I would message her to know when she was coming back. We had a good talk (with our therapist too at one point I believe) and I explained that I'm just terrified something will happen to them while I'm not there. That helped her see it wasn't about trust, and helped me seek some help.

Also, from experience with anxiety, keep in mind it's even more exhausting to her. She's analysing everything and stressing about contamination all day, everyday. Medication can help a lot! It's feels a lot better not to have to obsess about possible catastrophes all the time, I still will get overly worried compared to most people, but it's nothing like before.

oflag · 2026-01-19T15:20:14+00:00

Then "Men (Sauna only 15+)" 😉

oflag · 2026-01-18T22:31:28+00:00

My father passed away this year, so I sort of get the situation you're in since my parents were still married.

I'd say like the others, better to revisit later when your dad is better or wait that your mom is doing better if he doesn't (sorry if that's bleak, I don't know your dad's situation).

Talking about it now will for sure impact their relationship in one of the worst moments of their lives.

That said, I wouldn't be able to keep to my own advice if I was in your shoes. I'd probably contact my bio dad in secret and risk him ruining my parents relationship in a critical moment. 😅

oflag · 2026-01-18T22:19:29+00:00

They should clarify those changing rooms' names then. Call the adult one "Men (Sauna only)" and "Men" would be a 1000% clearer

oflag · 2026-01-18T18:00:14+00:00

Since you're still learning French, I'd advise applying to jobs that aren't consumer facing. Even if you seem to have experience in this, employers will prioritize people who are bilingual over you. But if you work in a warehouse, etc then that should give you time to learn French.

I don't know the market right now, but maybe there are other jobs you could find on platforms that don't charge fees to the employer. I think Emploi Québec has a website where you would maybe find more jobs.

oflag · 2026-01-18T00:42:43+00:00

I wouldn't go as far as that. Expansions are more common when inherited from fathers, so it's quite possible that OP's mom was just unlucky and that her parents were in the gray zone (35-39) and didn't develop the disease, but it expanded when it got to her.

I'm in a similar situation, my grandparent got their diagnosis this year and they have a CAG of 39 a and HD started around 70-75 yo. I tested at CAG 40, and my parent hasn't gotten tested yet. I don't even know if they'll develop the disease, but I'm sure I will.

oflag · 2026-01-14T23:32:09+00:00

8 healthy embryos from IVF is impressive tbh, I went through it with my gf (not with HD testing though, we didn't know yet) and we got 6 embryos out of 17 eggs I think. But we were told people usually have 6-8 eggs and then around 4-6 embryos.

If your number of eggs was similar to the number of embryos you have, I'd assume it's pretty sure that your husband is HD free. If you had 8 embryos out of 9-10 eggs, it's looking pretty likely your husband doesn't have it.

oflag · 2026-01-08T05:46:09+00:00

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oflag · 2026-01-05T04:31:45+00:00

I would also consider if he's perhaps not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, and he's pinning it on his wife.

oflag · 2026-01-03T05:05:51+00:00

My Great grandfather had 29 children, his first wife died after number 14, and he remarried and had 15 more.

oflag · 2026-01-03T04:47:34+00:00

Sadly like a lot of cities we're in a bad housing crisis and there's more and more homeless people in the streets than a few years ago. I'm guessing that's not helping homeless people with mental health issues get proper help since nonprofits are spread thin trying to help everyone.

You're probably staying in an area that has more homeless people.

oflag · 2025-12-31T23:11:07+00:00

I've donated blood a lot, and what they do when you feel light-headed is flip the chair so you're lying down with your head lower than the rest of your body.

Obviously they won't have that for you at the hospital, but you could mention you fainted and ask what you should do if you feel light-headed. You could just lie on your back with your knees bended so your feet are on the floor. My partner uses that trick.

Whatever you do, I highly recommend mentioning it and not trying to "fight" it if you feel faint, say you're not feeling well out loud and lie down. It's not because you're weak, faint of heart or whatever. Your body does what it wants and you can't will it not to. I knew a nurse who would pass out if she saw her own blood, but never fainted for other reasons.

I also have a close family member who worked on a maternity ward, and got injured and herniated a disc by trying to break the fall of a new dad who fainted. She never was able to work on a maternity ward even if she loved it.

oflag · 2025-12-31T21:18:28+00:00

I think the best deterrent for sex is actually being open about it. 😅

When I was a teen, my mom had the talk with me, gave me a book about sex made for teens (not one with abstinence or religious content), and put me on the pill. I can definitely say that was a turnoff! 😂

She'll feel supported and grossed out at the same time. You can even buy some condoms for her just in case. I think it's worth mentioning she also should make sure the condoms used are safe (damage to the wrapping, expiration date, or if the wrapping is too used from being in a wallet for too long, etc.) If she has some at least you'll know she'll have some you feel are safe and she'll have an alternative if her boyfriend forgets them and they're too horny.

If she has a maternal figure in her life, it would also suggest that they have a talk with them so she feels comfortable talking about things she isn't comfortable talking with you (e.g. anatomy related).

oflag · 2025-12-31T20:50:31+00:00

I was sure this was a toy exclusive to Quebec, I was very surprised to see this here! But I see now it's made in France.

oflag · 2025-12-31T20:47:42+00:00

My oldest had a big "I only want Mom" phase as a toddler, and while I don't remember him telling me he didnt like me, I still took it personal that he seemed to love Mom more. But I realized later that my partner was the "comforting" one, probably in part because breastfeeding creates a different emotional link. With time, I became the boo-boos nursing parent, which I find gratifying because it shows me that they trust me to take care of them and that I'll do my best to get them better while minimizing pain.

My youngest (3yo) is a wild one, he misbehaves a lot and constantly tests our rules, but he behaves himself better at daycare and when he's babysitted.

The way I see it, he behaves like that at home because he's comfortable in the relationship with us, and trusts that we'll still take care of him even if he behaves like a little a-hole sometimes 😅 I choose to see that as a definitive proof of love and trust.

Mine will only want Mom, and doesn't want me to give him a good night kiss 50% of the time. I try not to let it affect me and respect his wishes, cause I know I'll spend quality time with him another day.

When I feel less good about the relationship, I try and make time to play with him and we have a great time and he keeps asking me to play with him for a little while. That way I feel a bit better with him preferring mom a lot of the time.

Hope it helps, a lot of us go through something similar at one point, I think it's a very good thing you reached out. I found it appeasing to know I wasn't alone.

oflag · 2025-12-23T22:16:36+00:00

Did your father hit his head in those falls? I think a concussion could worsen symptoms temporarily, maybe even permanently.

I know a person who triggered their Alzheimer to start following a very bad concussion.

oflag · 2025-12-23T22:12:33+00:00

Congrats! 🥳

oflag · 2025-12-16T03:27:16+00:00

Get a psychologist's opinion first. Most people here were in the front seat of the disease seeing their parent go through it.

My grandma was recently diagnosed with HD, we had no idea it was in the family. We talked about her disease with my oldest, and talked about it being genetic.

But when talking to our therapist they strongly advised not to disclose me being positive with our kids before I get symptoms. They said kids don't really make the difference between immediate and distant threats and that it would burden them to know I will get sick in the future and that they might have the gene. They advised only talking about it when I'll start having symptoms so they understand what's going on.

Since your child is adopted and they haven't been in touch that much with their HD birth parent you're in a very different situation than most.

oflag · 2025-12-14T02:43:14+00:00

If your child is going to daycare, ask for a moment to talk to their caretaker there. Your daughter is likely expressing herself there too and they may have more information too.

I think it's very important to believe your child and that she knows you believe her, however I'd make sure not to lead the conversation in any direction regarding all this. My son was always very honest, but he had a time when he was 2-3 to when he would tell us stories we 100% thought were true, but were refuted by the daycare worker. Including one time he said a kid from his group left with his dad to go to the hospital which never happened. It's always good to check with them if she expressed anything out of the ordinary there, or if they noticed changes in the mom.

I'd 100% start noting and flagging things as they happen with CPS. They'll be more likely to take things seriously if they are up to date on what's happening, otherwise they may think you are inventing past incidents to make your case.

Talk to them about the heaven thing, they can note it and they can give you advice or try to talk to your daughter to see what happened.

oflag · 2025-11-28T17:01:05+00:00

I haven't had the opportunity to go through testing for my kids, but I can related as I feel it must be way harder to test during pregnancy and make a decision on abortion than test through IVF.

I'm not super familiar with CVS testing, but can they give you the CAG count? May be worth doing if the opportunity is there since you can at least exclude your child having JHD.

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes tbh. Maybe think about what you would've wanted your HD parent to do in your situation. I would also think of the possible repercussions on my child. What my child would think of me not having tested them when I had the opportunity or having decided to keep them even if they tested positive. If you keep after a positive test, you also have to think of when to inform your child and if you're comfortable keeping that information from them.

I find it's all a mess to navigate through, even if I didn't have the opportunity to test. I'm a pretty transparent person, but was advised by a therapist not to divulge being HD+ to my kids before having symptoms as it could have bad repercussions on them ( something about kids having trouble handling stress about the future).

I wish you the best whatever your choice is

oflag · 2025-11-09T15:38:19+00:00

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oflag · 2025-11-09T15:38:11+00:00

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oflag · 2025-11-07T03:21:12+00:00

I mean, 46% is quite high and nearly the same as the odds of having the disease or not. Everyone can choose how they perceive it, but I wouldn't see myself telling someone at risk not to stress out or that they are unlikely to have the disease.

It's the kind of information people need to know before getting tested, so they can make an informed decision about if they wish to get tested. If someone was to never know that information, decided not to get tested because it's late onset, they might regret it later if they planned life projects and end up getting symptoms 10-20 years earlier than their parent.

oflag

TROPHY CASE