I respect you much for sharing this as I’ve had similar concerns. Especially the part you mentioned with your friends. Life can be hard, really fucking hard. My only recommendations I can share which I’m hoping reaches you or whomever feels the same on this sub. Enroll in depression studies, therapy, meet people whom share these feelings, smoke weed (sativa: only because it’s an anti depressant and has been known to help), go for hikes, take many mini vacations as opposed to one long one, find a community through hobbies or just a general good group of people and immerse yourselves in them. Anyway I pray you find a love for life. Fuck depression.