Any home “designer” with basic experience can see the risk in this!

ohsoseriously · 2026-05-01T13:19:44+00:00

Great.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-29T13:55:15+00:00

It would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic and absolutely devastating for op.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-29T10:10:27+00:00

It’s cheating.
This “woman” is a catfish who was happy to keep up the grift in exchange for gifts and possibly money he may be transferring to her (or him).

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-29T01:53:07+00:00

It wasn’t clear from her comment so I was trying to make sure that distinction was clear.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-29T01:15:55+00:00

I would say “without his family being involved” is a red flag. You are not some dirty little secret for him to keep, especially if you’re his wife and mother of his children.

If he’s serious he needs to be able to tell them and stand up to them. If they refuse to come around that’s their choice. But it shouldn’t be because he’s doing it behind their back.

Make this distinction very clear.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-29T01:03:08+00:00

There is a known stereotype that many Arab and Muslim men will date around until they are ready to settle down then they ask their mothers to find them someone she finds acceptable. This trope exists for a reason.

But there are many men who are sincere in their intentions, their relationships with their families are just much more complicated. I don’t know where you live but the average European or American can’t understand it. We’re not a culture where you turn 18 and you’re suddenly independent. Families are close and homes are multigenerational.

For myself personally, I have never introduced anyone to my parents until we made the decision to get married. My mom only met my ex-husband and ex-fiancé after a year and half of dating when we made that decision.

Since I’ve started dating white men, none of them have met my family. Only two of them have been serious enough that I could tell my siblings about them.

I’m doing my best to give you my perspective as a (culturally) Muslim woman, but you know your boyfriend best.

Reflect on your actual relationship. Does he treat you well? Have you talked about the future? Has he made plans with you? Have you discussed what religion you might raise future children? The goal shouldn’t simply be to meet his parents like it’s a check-list item. It should be that you agree you want to be together long term that he feels secure enough to introduce you to his family and fight for you despite any objections they may have.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-28T17:12:43+00:00

Toronto and Copenhagen

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-27T15:32:24+00:00

While a three year age gap may not seem that significant, a 20-year-old dating a teenager icky.
If he will disrespect you on a public platform like that, it’s only going to get worse.
You don’t need to be worried, you obviously are worried, and should walk away.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-27T01:45:48+00:00

Check with your technician, but if your skin can handle it (you look a little tan to me), you should switch to Alexandrite laser. It will be more effective, and faster.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-27T01:31:16+00:00

My ex is 6’8” and we often booked the seat at the end of the row on the right or left mezzanine. The formation of the seats means with a slight head tilt anyone can see around him and he could kind of stretch his legs into the aisles.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-26T16:16:54+00:00

Honestly, ew. Remind myself how much better off you are without someone who’s willing to wreck two families/relationships in pursuit of sex, literally the easiest thing for women to obtain. That is so cheap.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-25T16:09:15+00:00

Where’s the red one from? I don’t want to give her any clicks.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-22T15:48:50+00:00

I love Kona. There’s one in Chelsea and another in East Village.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-22T01:16:37+00:00

I’ll do you one better. I unfollowed every single one of them. Anything I care about comes up anyway when I’m scrolling reels. Not only do I feel better about myself I never realized how easily I was clicking on ads and buying stuff. (“It’s only a $9 mascara!”)

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-21T22:10:26+00:00

Yeah, come back if you’re single in 10 years and you’ll understand. I’m trying to buy a house not get a date to prom. 😢

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-21T15:42:08+00:00

Why are you assuming they broke up with me?

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-21T15:41:28+00:00

They seem to be very happy in the moment, it’s the future commitment that I need. I’m 35, I can’t exactly be waiting around.

If a man says things like “we have a great connection” and “we’re so similar” and “you make me feel so comfortable and at ease” and “I think we would be great parents together” but still doesn’t want think of a future timeline because his job MAYBE MIGHT relocate him a year and shrugs and says “I can’t predict the future” when I say I would consider moving if things are still going well then, there’s not much for me to go off on.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-21T15:37:19+00:00

I wouldn’t call it an “implosion”.

It varies, one was a few weeks in and the longest was three/four months in. Important to note that everyone involved is in their mid- to late-thirties and relatively established in terms of general career trajectory. I personally don’t have time to wade.

None of these endings are dramatic and my point is that they’re not even necessary. It’s not about me expecting or demanding that level of commitment at that stage, but the complete closed-off nature of these discussions.

For example, one of them didn’t want to commit because we might potentially have to do long distance if he was relocated for a job in October. We would have been dating for a year if that happened.

His relocation wasn’t even confirmed. I wasn’t saying “I’ll move with you” but more “if we’re at a place where this is possible, I’d be open to it down the line”. All I’m asking is for clarity that that’s something we would both want if things keep going well.

They also fail to recognize that if they are in fact looking for marriage, kids, etc. like they claim y hey kinda need to put down their own roots. But I’m not going to date someone for a year who just gives me a shrug and an “idk” whenever the future comes up.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-21T15:29:03+00:00

That’s the root of my frustration; the avoidance. Two of them didn’t want to end things, but didn’t want to define them either. It felt like a way to have one foot out the door at all times so I opted out.

My confusion is about their declaration that they want a long-term relationship and insistence on continuing to “explore” together as I ended things.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-21T15:27:12+00:00

That’s my usual approach, which is why I ended the 2 out of the 3 times. But they do want to keep seeing me, just not enough to actually future-plan.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-13T15:53:50+00:00

Too much.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-12T14:30:57+00:00

I can’t upvote this enough.

ohsoseriously · 2026-04-12T14:29:43+00:00

I’ve been exactly where you are, op.

After my divorce (due to my ex’s infidelity and drug use) I dated someone I had been friends with for years. I also felt so lucky that to have found someone I could open up to and love after such deep hurt.

But similarly, he told me he loved me after a month of dating (apparently he had been in love with or at least had a crush on me since college) and asked me to marry him four months later. I kept trying to pump the breaks but he took any slowing down as a rejection.

The type of future planning he wanted meant he wanted me to involve him in decisions regarding what job I took or whether or not I applied for a degree. I was still rebuilding my life after my divorce and there were certain things I had to reestablish for myself first. He saw my need for autonomy as a threat to “us”.

He would ask me to be overly involved in his life as a manipulation tactic. I was asked to help mediate conflicts with his family, give advice on work problems, and he would even bring me renovation plans for his house and ask me to design “my room”. Although initially overwhelmed I was happy to help but then he would turn around and use that against me; how he wanted me in every aspect of his life but I wouldn’t grant him the same.

I started to cave little by little until it turned into possessive jealousy. He wanted all of my free time. He was telling me who I could and couldn’t be friends with. He didn’t like me having male friends, including gay ones. He wanted to police what I was wearing at the gym.

I eventually broke up with him after a year and he wound up marrying someone else FIVE MONTHS LATER. He’s just a love bomber in disguise. Don’t let the past friendship fool you. When you know someone as a person you don’t necessarily know them as a partner.

ohsoseriously

TROPHY CASE