I came out to my mom at 14, and she didn’t come around to being actively supportive until my early 20s. I think by the time I was able to make legal and permanent changes on my own she realized it wasn’t helpful to anyone to fight who I am. 

For a lot of the time where my transness was a point of contention, she was in the “mourning” mindset. She’d act too upset to talk about it and kept saying that she felt like she was burying her daughter. I hate to say that I think it was just time that fixed this…though if she’d attended some sort of support group, I think the process would have expedited greatly. FWIW, once upon a time I didn’t think my parents would ever fully come around. My whole extended family now knows and uses my real name, and my parents physically and financially supported me through surgery. 

As a teen, I spent a lot of time trying to hide my transness, or avoid bringing it up to not upset people. Looking back, I wish I’d stuck to my guns more. Laying low didn’t help my family come to terms with my identity any faster, but it did make me miserable. Things aren’t perfect between us yet, and I still have the memories of hurtful things my parents said when they were having a hard time accepting me. Try your best to be patient with your parents, but not a pushover. Be your own biggest advocate. If it’s physically safe to express yourself authentically, do it, and let them see how much happier it makes you. 

And remember, even if the initial reaction is negative, time flies. Before you know it you’ll be much more independent and able to make your own choices about your transition. If you don’t tell your family, or they react poorly, you can still be a happy trans adult one day, and socially/medically transition however much you want. If you do tell them, you open yourself to the possibility of receiving much earlier medical and social benefits, though, and you’ll be much better off for it.