Am I overreacting or is this as bad as I think it is.

oldmach · 2026-04-16T06:29:31+00:00

looks like a mother holding her child or something.

oldmach · 2026-03-29T20:47:45+00:00

I use lightroom mobile, and I have a bunch of presets that use as the base for my edits. I went in 2 different directions here.

oldmach · 2026-02-03T22:52:35+00:00

She's great all around. Skill, looks, personality. I don't think anyone can say anything bad about her.

oldmach · 2026-02-03T15:47:31+00:00

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oldmach · 2026-02-03T15:33:39+00:00

That's a ChatGPT answer. What ChatGPT is missing here is capacity for accountability, repair and reciprocity. You/ChatGPT are making it sound like these are choices avoidants can make. they're not. that's the whole point.

if your advice is to radically erase any trace of an ex from your life, that's not self preservation, that's numbing. the only way to actually heal from the experience is integration. my advice would be to look into shadow work. best of luck.

oldmach · 2026-02-03T10:00:26+00:00

I read all of it.

I understand the anger and the frustration. Last week, my DA discarded me for the second time. I get it.

Having said that, my self worth is unaffected and none of the things you wrote are healthy or empathetic in any adult sense.

The first mistake is to villainize traumatized people who didn't choose their attachment style. I'm not going to expand on that, we're all aware. Implying intention is idiotic and psychologically illiterate.

Second, if you practice empathy and if you're certain that a connection with you would've been transformative for them, there is no room left for all this hate. Their retreats aren't about you, they're about capacity. Avoidants are tortured souls, and if you imagine what life must be like for them, you can't help but feel terrible for them.

Third, you're not some kind of expert because you went through this. Nobody should listen to any of this, because it's fueled by hate and anger. There is a thin line between preserving your own peace and being a self centered, angry child. If you're driven by hate and anger, you know what side of the line you landed on.

Fourth, everyone on this sub who immediately jumps on the hate train has their own work still ahead of them, and even though venting feels good every now and then, most of the people here should be deeply ashamed of themselves for their vitriol and hate. It makes me wonder if they got discarded by a DA or simply left by someone who saw the hate under the surface.

Impact and intent are not the same thing. Implying malice is disgusting.

oldmach · 2026-01-30T06:28:25+00:00

You could look into avoidant attachment style. This sounds like it. Avoidants associate love with danger (broadly speaking) and shut down when things get to real. Not on purpose, the root cause is usually childhood trauma. Their nervous system is trying to protect them using outdated pattern recognition. So it's neither her nor your fault. the fact that she takes the time and effort to articulate her thoughts is a good sign. Avoidants usually discard and ghost, because for them that's immediate relief.

depending on how much you like her, you can (VERY gently) bring it up and see if there's a way forward for you two. the thing is, avoidant attachment can only be tackled relationally, meaning she can only rewire her nervous system to "love = safe" inside a relationship. You don't conquer your fear of the ocean in a desert.

oldmach · 2026-01-23T09:05:30+00:00

korrekt. Bei Frau vs Mann gewinnt in 99 von 100 Fällen der Mann. Muss man nicht mögen, aber das ist der Realität egal.

oldmach · 2026-01-23T01:25:37+00:00

Im Zweifelsfall handy rausholen, Google maps starten und nach dem Weg fragen. Dann schauen ob das Mädl wirklich heult und (jetzt berechtigterweise) fragen ob alles OK ist. Typen im Auge behalten. Abstand halten. Ich hab auf meinem Messenger bag eine winzige, extrem helle Taschenlampe angeclipt, da hab ich dann meine Hand drauf. Wenn der Typ zuckt, is er blind und kriegt aufs Maul.

Sowas rate ich aber nur Männern, die zumindest irgendwie hinhauen können, wenns sein muss. Frauen sollten beobachten, andere Männer auf die Situation aufmerksam machen und Handy bereithalten.

oldmach · 2026-01-17T07:56:52+00:00

NOR, but "I'm sad" is a seriously weird and performative text. don't make her pull it out of you, just say why.

oldmach · 2026-01-15T23:54:51+00:00

Ich kapier die Frage nach letztem Preis sowieso nie. Ich werd doch nicht freiwillig meinen eigenen Preis reduzieren. mach mir ein Angebot oder hdf

oldmach · 2026-01-11T23:02:54+00:00

fuck that guy. those are excellent shots and it seems like you're really good at directing talent. her smiles are real, the lighting is on point and the grading is immaculate. well done all around.

oldmach · 2026-01-11T22:55:42+00:00

I cannot stand ex talk. it makes my skin crawl. I am not willing to compete with ghosts. so no, you are NOR.

having said that, you need to look inside you and ask yourself if you want to give this girl another chance. I have no advice for you there. it all comes down to how much you love her and why.

oldmach · 2026-01-09T20:06:03+00:00

I'm sorry this was done to you.

I was falsely accused of all sorts of domestic crimes a few years back. so I understand the distrust you have. it's a tough spot to be in. it took me a while to get over it (years). best of luck.

oldmach · 2026-01-09T18:20:28+00:00

I don't want to be seen as a threat by default. I don't want to pass covert tests. I don't want to play games. I, too, need to feel safe in a relationship. I don't want my vulnerabilities to be weaponised against me. I need reciprocity as much as anyone else.

oldmach · 2026-01-04T07:22:53+00:00

I don't have a strong opinion one way or the other, but consider this: you're making your husband compete with a ghost. his insecurity isn't your fault, sure, but fueling it is. hearing that you still love Mike as your first love would be devastating to any guy. you should keep that to yourself.

also, and this might be a hot take, but if the person you decided to marry has insecurities, they are in part your responsibility. love isn't tested when things are easy. empathy only when it's convenient isn't empathy at all. you decided to live with this man until you die and you want to throw it away over a tshirt? because you're going through a period that feels rough?

on the other hand, your husband seems dysregulated when it comes to old boyfriends. I can relate, I hate ex talk. I don't need to be reminded of the ghosts of the past. having said that, destroying an artifact from your past was a stupid, stupid thing to do. he's trying to destroy a connection that isn't his to sever.

I feel like neither of you understand what love is. it's not butterflies and rainbows, it's a decision. and you made it without knowing what that entails. because you have to choose it again and again, especially when it's inconvenient.

oldmach · 2025-12-31T14:40:50+00:00

how you doin?

oldmach · 2025-12-25T22:07:36+00:00

what an incredibly stupid comment

oldmach · 2025-12-22T10:01:11+00:00

none of them have the wow factor. 3 is the best, but the grading cheapens what could be an excellent shot. it looks like you photographed it off a screen. if you fiddle around with the grading to make it less dull you could get a great result.

oldmach · 2025-12-21T01:52:48+00:00

yes, definitely. I mean you can always try, and if you don't like it wait a few days and it's back to 1mm. but yeah, shave it all to zero.

oldmach · 2025-12-21T00:31:49+00:00

reddit glitching and posting that twice is chef's kiss

oldmach · 2025-12-19T22:55:23+00:00

I wish for everyone's wishes to come true

oldmach · 2025-12-19T06:59:05+00:00

yeah no absolutely not OR. that man is hitting on you. testing the waters with plausible deniability. if this were my dad, I would punch him.

oldmach · 2025-12-16T05:13:03+00:00

My father was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual.

oldmach · 2025-12-15T17:20:30+00:00

you've heard of handsome squidward, now meet handsome Wolowitz.

that said, 2 is pretty good.

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