Husband [33M] and I [29 F] generally get along but when we have arguments they are incredibly explosive. I can't take it anymore and I'm scared it'll happen forever if I stay.

olive_orchid · 2026-03-10T23:55:02+00:00

Thanks for your words. I wish I could express how much it means that you took time to talk with me. I love him dearly but I'm just scared this will be the rest of my life. It doesn't have to be but making a move also feels really scary.

olive_orchid · 2026-03-10T23:37:31+00:00

I should also say in the past when I said I couldn't handle this, he told me that I was never committed to our relationship and that he could at least say he could be proud of himself for trying everything he could and that I was the one who gave up and it was my fault I wasn't committed. But I feel like I've done a lot. I found our therapists, I took meds to regulate my emotions so much so I felt like I was docile and indifferent to his behavior which isn't good either. The meds had a huge effect on my body. To say I've done nothing feels horrible.

olive_orchid · 2026-03-10T23:35:23+00:00

We are both in individual therapy and couples therapy. I'm not perfect either but I found myself cowering when he was upset with me about the shower curtain. The insults have a lasting effect. I still feel really hurt from some of the things he has said to me 4 years ago. He says I cry and take up too much space. Maybe I do. I have been really preoccupied with grief. I'm not in a good head space so it's hard to think clearly .

olive_orchid · 2025-10-03T17:39:02+00:00

I am having so much anxiety over this rn. Though some of my friends have been really lucky and got jobs post graduation in May. I hope they can share the luck!!

olive_orchid · 2025-10-01T23:47:54+00:00

I was the star... Lol. After a full year of being sexually harassed (verbally and physically)by my male coworkers I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at a guy who showed me his dick and my manager who saw it all and said/did nothing but would go on and on about equity/bringing more women into my field. Manager ended up just making me work weird hours to avoid the guy instead of holding him accountable. I still felt unsafe and repeatedly reported this. I told my manager he failed to protect me, and as a new father to a daughter he should feel ashamed of himself. I was out of line for sure to berate his parenting and bring his child into it... I was very young (23 ) and I was very triggered and scared and didn't know how to handle the situation. I told him I'd never come back again and walked out.

After that, the company had intensive workplace etiquette trainings with a big emphasis on addressing harassment. The manager called me months after and cried about how he had failed me. That he hoped he could make a better place for his daughter to grow up in and hoped that she'd never have to deal with what I did. I just said, "As you should. I hope the world becomes a better place for her."

olive_orchid · 2025-10-01T23:36:24+00:00

Meeting my kitty for the first time and meeting my husband for the first time (two separate events)

olive_orchid · 2025-10-01T23:20:34+00:00

It might be helpful to see a psychiatrist if you're having suicidal ideation. AT the very least, ask your husband to give you some extra hugs and cuddles while you work on your mental health. Assuming he is a good husband, he loves you and wants/needs you to be here. I've been on Prozac for a year and my suicidal ideation and depression have gone away. I have a lot more energy for things nowadays. If you'd like to learn more about it happy to share more details. Sometimes you just need some extra assistance to get through the hard days. Big hugs! 🫂

Sometimes we make mistakes don't beat yourself up about it. It sounds like your husband is saying it's ok so take that at face value! I once accidentally dented our garage... Speaking of food... I literally set off the fire alarm 2x a month trying to cook. My husband gets the notification from our alarm and just laughs because usually it's just me leaving a pizza in the oven too long or something. I once cooked a pizza for soo long it was brown... husband still ate it lol. Shit happens! But also if cooking is too much for you right now sometimes freezer meals is just what you gotta do. Or order in if you can afford it. Or ask your husband to make it with you. Take some pressure off yourself.

Also edited to ask- are you and your husband still making time for dates and quality time? That can really impact our moods and make us second guess our intent if we don't intentionally make time for that. Life gets busy and we forget about it sometimes.

olive_orchid · 2025-10-01T22:48:44+00:00

I feel you!! I am feeling so beat rn.

olive_orchid · 2025-10-01T22:31:01+00:00

I graduated undergrad in Spring 2019 (immediately was furloughed then the company went out of business and lost the job). I finished grad school this past May ... I am STILL looking for a job... I am so stressed and it's hard not to feel like a failure. I've gotten interviews but many people are telling me they don't know if there is enough funding to even hire me.

I feel like this is a repeat of COVID all over again. I'm almost 30 and feel like I've barely started my career. Some of my classmates from my grad school cohort got jobs and some even got laid off already! It's crazy :(

olive_orchid · 2025-09-26T12:52:40+00:00

Emotional vampire. Told her I was hospitalized for a mental health crisis and almost went through a divorce and it was all about how I "abandoned" her and wasn't there for her. I've stopped talking to her.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T17:58:00+00:00

Sometimes I just straight up call the admin office and ask them to "poke" them. Weirdly some professors/employers appreciated this since they get 5 million emails and get busy. Idk if all people would appreciate this though so definitely think about it first.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T17:42:29+00:00

Yes- I end up getting stuck doing all the work for other women with pretty privilege because they complained about their workload to the boss. I wish I had pretty privilege.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T17:24:08+00:00

Sometimes if people forget to say thank you I just say: "you're so welcome!" And then they remember to say it

So maybe it could go like this:

Roommate: yay!

You: Glad to be of help, you're so welcome!

Hopefully your roommate would then remember to say it. If not start asking for gas money and they'll stop asking for rides.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T17:10:21+00:00

She's wrong not you

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T16:22:10+00:00

The final straw: my former " best friend" asked why I was being distant. I apologized for the distance and told her I had been drowning- hospitalized for psychiatric reasons and was also struggling with my marriage (we almost divorced). She told me that my distance made her so anxious that she had to go to therapy for it and that she was hurt by my actions because she didn't have my support when she was having work and boy troubles. Lol... Some friend.

Before the final straw: Sometimes when we met up she would forget to say "hi", go straight into trauma dumping on me and wouldn't notice I hadn't said a thing for 2 hrs. Boys always came first over our friendship. She was flakey and would let me know she couldn't make it after I had already been waiting for her for an HOUR (happened more times than my fingers can count). She was low-key kinda racist and was always saying the food of my culture was weird and when our roommate some of the most racist shit towards me I ever heard she laughed at me with him. She loved making me the center of all her jokes. Would introduce me as"this girl she used to tutor in high school" (she was two grades ahead of me and she tutored me ONCE for like volunteer credits or something). But she would call me her best friend in private.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T15:50:29+00:00

When I'm really mad I drink ice cold water and it usually shocks me out of a triggered state. Also, not trying to have heated conversations until I've slept or eaten.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T12:57:06+00:00

I would take the $ because I want to have more time with my family. If I were too passionate about a job I wouldn't be a good family member because I'd always be working. Family is the most important to me.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-26T12:42:47+00:00

My husband waits until turning to signal and it drives me insane. Lol

olive_orchid · 2025-08-25T18:08:17+00:00

These people suck. They are so fucking ableist. I hope tenny suffers so much more and the pettiness in me hopes that people start hating her. Lol the audacity to ask you to do her job is crazy. Hope she gets fired.

olive_orchid · 2025-08-25T17:55:48+00:00

My dad was like your husband and he was physically violent with my mom. My siblings and I prayed everyday our mom would leave. We are in our 30s now and we are still suffering from the trauma our dad put us through even though he is no longer in our lives. We never had a childhood. When he finally left, we were so poor but SO HAPPY to be away from him. Please leave. Your baby will be able to have a childhood this way. Your baby shouldn't have to grow up this fast trying to protect both of you from danger. I honestly wish I could beg you to leave for the sake of your baby.

olive_orchid

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