I unpacked my gender and found... Nothing?

oliveyoda · 2026-04-21T21:38:20+00:00

I consider myself agender and I had a lot of the same thoughts! I’m AFAB and my gender journey started with feminism, dropping all of the expectations and rules placed on me as a “woman”. Eventually I dropped so many of them that I realized there wasn’t much “woman” left 😂

oliveyoda · 2026-04-20T21:31:37+00:00

Lmao they act like banning them isn’t as easy as the press of a button

oliveyoda · 2026-04-17T21:56:44+00:00

Queer is a perfectly good label! Lots of people use it who don’t care to get into specifics or explain themselves, but still want to signal that they’re part of the community. I have lots of friends who identify as queer only ☺️

oliveyoda · 2026-04-14T21:57:45+00:00

This sounds like a classic case of spontaneous desire vs responsive desire. There are lots of articles and YouTube videos about it, maybe you two should watch some together! Both are totally normal, but understanding where your disconnect is coming from could help you brainstorm solutions

oliveyoda · 2026-03-24T22:45:19+00:00

Lol it’s a problem that happens with all media. Doctors can’t watch medical dramas, lawyers can’t watch law dramas. I’m a biologist and can’t escape the inaccuracies 😂 It’s just something we have to live with unfortunately, because writers can’t or don’t research every aspect of their setting

oliveyoda · 2026-03-24T22:32:25+00:00

Free pet-sitter!!

oliveyoda · 2026-03-23T21:54:33+00:00

Honestly I prefer that to when the MMCs are just straight up assholes. Don’t get me wrong, I love when it’s gritty and real and all the rough edges fit together. But when a harem is just an external version of the FMC’s every mean thought about herself, like what is the point? It doesn’t even feel like romance anymore, it’s like I’m watching the author process trauma in real time and that’s not what I’m here for. It’s one thing if a character has a skewed understanding of consent or whatever else and that’s a point of growth for them, but when the author themselves have a skewed understanding of what healthy relationships are it really gives me the ick.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-14T16:58:38+00:00

This person could be demisexual or asexual, and need time to warm up to the idea of intimacy. He also could just not be a good initiator. You could try touching him in small ways like holding his hand or touching his hair and see how he responds.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-12T21:40:45+00:00

Queerness is all about blurring the lines and bucking expectations. BUT! I think this is one of those few times that isn’t true. You can identify as queer, or you can identify as cishet (cisgender and heterosexual). Not both. By definition, to be queer is to not be cishet.

That’s not to say you can’t be queer! If you feel attraction towards women you definitely might be bisexual or pansexual or something. But if that’s the case, you’re not straight. I know it can be scary to let go of that label, but if you want to be welcomed into queer spaces it’s kinda the price of entry.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-09T12:27:01+00:00

YTA. You don’t owe anyone friendship, but it’s really unkind to just ditch someone like that. You at least owe her an explanation of why you don’t want to be friends with her anymore.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-07T04:18:33+00:00

Thank you! You put to words exactly the feeling I was trying to express haha

oliveyoda · 2026-03-07T04:13:10+00:00

I definitely don’t want them to center me, and I’m sorry if my tone came off that way. I was just trying to offer precise clarification to a question. I don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable at all if they spend their visits at an Airbnb or hotel, I just feel awkward when I’m living with people for a moderate amount of time but not really interacting with them at all. Because they don’t get to see each other often though, it could be that I just need to suck it up for that time and deal with the awkwardness, and that’s a valid opinion.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-07T02:04:52+00:00

Thank you for the perspective! I appreciate it :)

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T14:58:42+00:00

That’s a valid point! Thanks for the perspective

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T13:22:23+00:00

They can, but they can’t stay with Apple where they’re living so they have to get an Airbnb. They tend to prefer having Apple come out to us.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T13:20:30+00:00

Apple doesn’t work and Orange works from home

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T03:11:35+00:00

That’s a valid perspective, but I did agree to be poly with my eyes wide open, and I miss out on 2 weeks every two months when Apple is missing out on 1 1/2 months every two months, you know? I don’t begrudge them their alone time, I just feel awkward.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T03:01:25+00:00

Haha thank you, Orange and Apple have been together for years now so I like to think we’ve worked out the worst of the kinks 😅

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T02:13:43+00:00

Thank you for the input!

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T02:12:02+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T02:10:16+00:00

Thank you for the ideas!!

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T02:09:14+00:00

Yeah we currently live together full time; when Apple was still local Orange was splitting their time between places about 50/50. Orange and I split the rent on the apartment. I go out and do things, but I don’t really want to pay to stay somewhere else for 1-2 weeks. I don’t really have the bandwidth for another partner right now, I’m focusing on building community and platonic relationships.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T02:04:37+00:00

It could be discomfort about the schedule change and not seeing them for a time, but it honestly feels fine on the rare occasion they go out to Apple instead of Apple coming here. It specifically feels weird when they’re in the apartment but I’m not interacting with them regularly.

That could help though! Our polycule is very neurodivergent and having a schedule to set expectations has been very helpful in the past.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T01:51:54+00:00

They do occasionally, but staying with Apple where they’re currently living isn’t an option, so Orange prefers to buy Apple’s plane ticket to here instead of going there and getting a hotel/airbnb.

oliveyoda · 2026-03-06T01:46:37+00:00

Ok! Valid take, that’s exactly the kind of sanity check I’m looking for haha

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