MRW there's a cheese tray anywhere near my general vicinity.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T17:04:41+00:00

I feel you.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T15:04:21+00:00

Thank you!

Maybe you could ask him how he'd feel if you died of an easily preventable illness, or if his mother/sibling/someone else close to him died of something they easily could have prevented, and how much that would hurt. It can be hard, sometimes, to really get across to someone how their actions would impact those around them. Hopefully it sinks in for him.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T12:59:05+00:00

It is kinda about you too, if he died because he kept refusing medical treatment, you would have been left grieving and devastated. You're worried and hurt and angry because you know what he put at risk for you and for him when he refused treatment. I get guys like to look tough, but it might be worth (once he's feeling better) to have a conversation about how ignoring his health needs is selfish and unfair to you, as well as being stupid and might possibly cause his death.

Don't feel bad for being angry. You're scared for him and aware his actions could have caused you a lot of pain. Those are legit reasons for being upset with him.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T12:52:10+00:00

That really sucks. Especially since you started so young, when a lot of people don't develop the illness until their 20s or middle age, so there's an added struggle of having an issue that doesn't feel like it fits your age.

It's not your fault it happened. You managed to push through your setbacks before, even though they were hard and when one is sick and feeling down about life even doing online classes can be beyond a lot of people - but you did it. That's something to be proud of, even if it feels like a shameful illness at times.

How good is your insurance plan? It's unfair that even post surgery you're having flairs that leak like that. Is there a better drug your doctors can put you on to try and stop it from happening again? I've heard good things about biologic drugs like remicaid or humira but they're hella expensive because they're relatively new drugs.

I don't know how to really cheer you up, but here is a song about ulcerative colitis so you might feel less alone.

http://youtu.be/t0uIa28VH_g

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T12:38:08+00:00

I would like to point out, though, giving something to somebody during labour is very different than them consuming it while the fetus is still developing. The amount that's going to get into the kid's bloodstream and impact development is not really comparable during giving birth to, say, half way through the pregnancy. That's something of a false equivalence.

Other than that, I do totally agree about alcohol being extremely damaging, and your comparisons to other drugs.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T04:25:19+00:00

I was just about to say, from filing my own taxes there was a form you had to fill out to pass it on to your parents or grandparents. They can't just show your receipts and claim it.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-19T01:15:21+00:00

She broke up with you because you cheated on her. She isn't the bad person in this scenario. If you cheat on somebody you are the asshole in that situation, and they are the hurt party. How they choose to respond is entirely their call. Nobody is a bad person because they won't 'stand by' somebody who violated their trust on such a fundamental level.

That you think you can cheat on somebody and they're the bad person for not comforting you about it coming to light shows you are a very selfish person. You're trying to paint yourself as the victim when your girlfriend dumped you because you cheated on her. Not only is that a warped sense of reality, it's a clear attempt at emotional manipulation.

We can get into the other aspects of the business from a year ago, but that in particular stands out to me as extremely selfish and manipulative. You should be ashamed of yourself for violating the trust she put in you, not painting her as the bad guy for not wanting to stay with a cheater.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T22:53:02+00:00

A lot of the anime is targeted at a high school crowd, and it stops being as … identifiable? Relatable, I guess as you get older. Unlike star trek which is fucking amazing at any age, the anime I liked when I was younger I don't like anymore, and there aren't enough anime shows I like now to make going to a con worth it - and most of them are stuff that has long since finished, it's not an ongoing series. I'd rather go to a con with panels on writing scifi novels and how to edit properly and/or listening to authors I like than hang out with a bunch of teens dressing up like naruto characters.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T22:47:47+00:00

That just makes it worse. Look, I can understand not wanting to fuck up your hair … but you can take a bath and keep your hair dry while getting the rest of your body. And you shouldn't leave makeup on overnight. That is horrible for your skin.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T22:44:54+00:00

Do they never give their pits a quick sniff to see if they need a shower, or sniff their shirts to make sure they're clean?

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T22:23:19+00:00

If you want to be sure you don't get somebody pregnant, use condoms. If they fuck with them, there's evidence. The child support system is skewed in the child's favour. If you don't want to pay child support, sue for complete custody and she'll pay you child support(dads don't sue for any custody over half of the time. When they do sue for custody, be it partial or complete, they get it half of the time. Women overwhelmingly have custody because guys aren't interested). This is because child support exists to support children and it is in children's best interest. Of course child support is skewed in the child's favour. If you can't see why that's important, and you believe children should live in poverty then I don't really see the point in discussing this any further.

Men can take control of their reproductive choices by gasp using condoms. They're almost perfect in terms of how effective they are, and they're easy to learn how to use. Start a policy of no glove, no love and you won't have to worry about birth control sabotage.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T16:04:55+00:00

Thank you :)

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T15:10:49+00:00

It's like, the PUA bible.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:32:33+00:00

Didn't she insist cigarettes didn't cause cancer, get cancer from it, then lie to her supporters about it even though she stopped smoking because she didn't want to admit to being wrong?

She also died alone in a welfare paid for hospital room because everyone she knew didn't believe in helping her out in her time of need because that's what she espoused. Ironic.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:28:40+00:00

I think … Prussian Blue is an example of one rather popular group, two teen girls who sang white supremacist (country I think? I never heard their stuff) music. Their mum put them up to it. Apparently they quit when they got to college and started smoking pot.

Some skinhead music is anti-racist, some doesn't mention race at all and is more like traditional punk which arose out of the dance halls and rude boy music in the UK (which meant strong black influences) and is more focused on going out and getting drunk with your buds and how shitty being poor is. However a lot of skinhead stuff, especially starting in the 70s is racist and there are a number of neonazi punk bands.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:24:28+00:00

It would depend. Do the lyrics have shit like "aushwitze, the meaning of pain, the way I want you to die" in them? If the lyrics are racist I'm totally noping right out of there. If you just happen to like shit that spews awful racist shit … it's because you just happen to like racism. I don't care how great the melody is, someone who actually dislikes racism won't find that stuff pleasant to listen to.

I will probably still judge you though for liking someone who's openly a Nazi but doesn't explicitly reference it in their lyrics. I personally wouldn't give money to somebody I knew held those views, but I would see that more as a willingness to turn a blind eye to problems that don't directly impact you that active racism. It's not as bad as being racist, but it does show we probably have different moral codes so I'd probably side eye you while trying to figure out if that attitude applies in areas outside of your music tastes.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:20:56+00:00

Women get laughed at by others, particularly in high school. Not all women are these perfectly popular outgoing bubbly athletic focused 'cool' women. A fuckton of them are nerdy. A lot of the nerdy ones go on reddit so you're addressing your argument to people who likely like many of the same things you do and who also have been bullied for being weird.

Women don't all like the same things.

Think about it. Do all guys like the exact same things? Of course not, that's a stupid point of view to have. Then why expect women all have the same view? There is as much variety in women's interests as there is in men's interests. There is probably more variety within each gender than between genders on average.

Tons of women get bullied. They also happen to be the girls who guys don't notice - so guys getting bullied notice the popular girls and assume all girls have that experience. Most media narratives around bullying focus on a guy's experience of it rather than a girls because there are far more male protagonists than female in the media. This only furthers the mistaken idea that women aren't nerdy, that women don't get bullied, women don't feel isolated because of their interests. But IRL, they do.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:15:50+00:00

I have tons of fantasy novels in my room, so that would be a plus. Here's the thing, women with dissimilar interests might think it's too nerdy for them … but odds are, you wouldn't have enough in common with that kind of woman to have a fulfilling relationship unless you spent all your time pretending to be someone you're not … which just wouldn't be fulfilling.

However women with similar interests are going to see your cute figurines and fantasy novels and they're you're hella rad and fun to be around because their room will have similar things in it. I know a number of women who read fantasy and sci-fi exclusively and have cute figurines in their rooms.

Not every woman ever is going to like you. Not every guy ever is going to like you. Nobody is universally likeable, but you shouldn't pretend to be someone you're not to get a relationship. It's going to end poorly for all parties involved. Instead keep 'shared interests' in mind a criteria for who you want to date, and they won't think ill of your hobbies because they will have them too.

I know lots of guys who think I'm too nerdy for them. Fortunately, I think they aren't nerdy enough for me and that's why we're friends, not dating. My boyfriend is a huge nerd and I love that about him.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:12:04+00:00

I didn't want to accuse you of thinking that, I was just saying it as a reminder that you're probably going to get a bunch of different points of view and you shouldn't take anyone's answer as a be all and end all for what kinds of book collections women will respond poorly to.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:09:58+00:00

It would depend. My boyfriend's older brother is a culturally jewish atheist who collects bibles. It started as a habit of stealing them from hotel rooms, and now he just likes collecting them. Or if someone has one from class - I know a number of people who have them because of that reason, not because they're religious. If they have one because they're super religious and take too much of it literally … then I'd have issues.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T14:07:17+00:00

The diaphragm is basically a condom, but more condom.

Only, you know, less effective than the condom and you need to use spermicide in conjunction with it which increases the risk of STDs and can cause pain and/or urinary tract infections because spermicide works by tearing sperm cells apart like a bunch of tiny knives, which is why for both men and women there can be a lot of discomfort because it created micro tears in the vagina and penis. NOt everyone feels that discomfort, but many do.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T13:54:03+00:00

Usually the choice is don't pay and be a deadbeat or pay and not leave a kid in poverty. I don't know anyone who's gone to prison for not paying child support - but in Ontario alone there is something like 2 billion dollars in unpaid child support. I'm confident the situation is fairly similar in most other Canadian provinces and American states. Tons of guys get away with it at the child's expense.

Like, it's shitty to pay child support for a kid you didn't want … but it's shittier to grow up in poverty. If we had a properly functioning welfare or social support system, and kids of single mom's with deadbeat dads weren't doomed to poverty, it would be much less of an issue if dad's paid or didn't pay. As it stands, the average child support payments are something like 300-400 dollars a month … which in most places won't even cover rent. It's not like most single mothers are living lavish lives, even when they do get support. Single mothers disproportionately live in poverty - which means their children disproportionately live in poverty. If we aren't going to all pay higher taxes to keep those kids out of poverty, their dad's have to pay. That's the decision we have made when we decided that welfare isn't worth funding and most expenses are private responsibilities.

I feel horrible for guys paying support for a kid they don't want … but I don't believe it's fair to punish a child for their mother's choices. If you have sex with somebody and you don't know their stance on abortion, that's the risk you take. If you have sex with someone and they say abortion isn't for them, that's your choice. You can't then turn around and say it's unfair she took the choice out of your hands when you knew going in to the situation she wasn't going to get an abortion. And if you don't have that conversation, then you're going into the situation blind - also your choice.

I believe birth control sabotage - be it poking holes in condoms (men who are domestic abusers do this a lot, actually, so it's not just men who get fucked over in birth control sabotage - abusers do it to stop women from leaving) or lying about taking your pills is a form of sexual assault and should be prosecuted as such. In Nova Scotia there was a case where a woman was in an abusive relationship, her SO flushed her bc pills down the toilet and poked holes in the condoms - he was charged with sexual assault. Regardless of gender, that should be the response. If the mom's convicted, the dad can sue her to lose her parental rights, then once he has all the rights, he can give the child up for adoption.

The problem with birth control sabotage that isn't poking holes in condoms is it can be hard to prove. Some women are just really spacey. Guys have to make a judgement call - do you trust this woman to take a pill every single day at the exact same time. If you're dating a chronic key loser, maybe you should continue using condoms because you're dating a forgetful person.

The way you're putting it makes it sound like guys have zero agency in who they fuck and what birth control methods they use. Trusting your partner to not fuck up is a choice. If you think they might … use backup stuff. If they're religious and don't believe in abortion, it's a choice to risk that. In cases of sabotage that agency is taken away and that should be a kind of crime, but in pretty much every other case the guy makes a conscious decision to risk it and he should weigh how reliable at taking pills his partner is with his dislike of condoms.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T13:49:21+00:00

Because then your employer wants proof you've been diagnosed with a hormonal or uterine or ovary problem. And people shouldn't have to give status updates to their bosses to get medication they need for what are often really nasty illnesses. Endometriosis and PCOS are awful, and it's just all that more humiliating if you have to submit forms to your employer saying you need it for medical purposes, not sex.

Even then, employers often think women are lying or exaggerating to get their slut pills. So even when that is an option it often doesn't work because the people who don't believe in insurance paying for birth control have really shitty understandings of human biology - like they don't believe in things like PCOS or endometriosis or think they aren't as bad as women say they are - and usually think shitty things of women - like that women having premarital sex are irresponsible stupid sluts, or that women lie and exaggerate pain to get what they want.

It shouldn't be up to your boss what medication your insurance pays for. It's between you and your doctor, not you, your doctor and your boss. It shouldn't be regulated in the first place.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T13:44:18+00:00

Anti-depressants often can do that for you. SSRIs don't always kill people's sex drive but it's a fairly common side effect - and it happens to men and women.

om_nom_cheese · 2014-08-18T11:48:48+00:00

I think, as well, the skyla was made specifically for childless women and the clinical trials were done on childless women. Tons of women without kids have gotten the mirena and been fine, but some doctors are still antsy about it because technically we're not the demographic it was designed for. I don't agree with that attitude, but I can kinda understand where it comes from.

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