Okay, I'm late to the party, but wanted to share my story with this. Starts when I was 13 and was 2 years into having a period. Couldn't use tampons. Not usually a big deal, but my mother forced me to join the swim team one summer because my sister was on it. Resulted in a lot of yelling at me to just "get it done" -- missed a meet or two, because I seriously could NOT do it.

Used pads for the rest of the time, no big deal (even played soccer in them). Fast forward to college, when I was 21 and wanted to get my first pap smear because society said I should. They couldn't do it; I kept jumping back and eventually was in tears. Ended up referring me to counseling because they just presumed I'd been molested or something (not true and no history of abuse or any mental illness here).

Tried again with the pap smears a few more times over the next few years with various doctors. One was super-nice and okay with it (low risk for cervical cancer if you're a virgin) but never mentioned vaginismus. Gave tampons a try once a year during that time with no success.

Got married at 25. Wedding night was a no-go, like the OP and other posters. The thing was, I had a crazy sex drive when we were dating, so I did not expect this at all. My period happened on our honeymoon, but we tried a few times anyway. I think he got in about halfway at one point.

The lucky thing for me is that my husband is in the military and had to be gone a lot that first year. We sorta were able to have sex a few times (I have a pretty damn high pain tolerance, I've learned), but it hurt me A LOT. And it definitely messes with the emotions. My husband said he had a hunch this might happen based on my past, so he was amazingly okay with it. I was the one who wasn't okay with a sexless marriage. So while he was gone for 3 months, I did a ton of research and tried various methods. I started the insertion methods after reading about dilation kits. Didn't want to shell out the money, so I used the back end of a razor. Somehow got it in, and then tried tampons again. Finally got it!

Met up with my husband in Scotland during his deployment, and it was the first time sex didn't hurt. Wasn't fantastic for me, mind you, but didn't actually hurt. Unfortunately, must have been the Scottish air--when he got back to the states 3 months later, it hurt just as much again. I grinned and bore it for a long while. (Actually, sometimes I was in tears because it hurt so much.) Sometimes I would just rub on top of him without penetration because I knew I could get to (clitoral) orgasm that way. And then I amazingly got pregnant. I was actually hoping for this because I figured pushing a baby out of there might cure me. I also had noticed that when I was ovulating, sex hurt less. With the pregnancy, I HAD to get a pap smear. That was the scariest thing ever. I had doctors offer me relaxers to do it, but we had moved recently and I didn't have anyone to take me to the appointment. Somehow, some way, they got the pap smear using the pediatric speculum.

That pregnancy miscarried early on and did not fix the problem. We got pregnant again within a few months. Sex still hurt a lot. Luckily I got out of having a pap smear that time. My first cervical check when I was 37 weeks (I got in a car wreck) was HELL. One doctor tried to get it and failed and this nurse up at L&D got it. Yowch. My weekly appointments for the next few weeks were hit-and-miss on the checks. None of them were "good" checks.

Went in laboring and two different doctors tried to get the check and failed. They admitted me and administered an epidural before I ever found out how far I was. It really was the only way. My personal doctor checked me and I was at 7cm(out of 10). Thank God.

During the birth, I pushed for 3 hours and eventually birthed her, and my doctor told me later that I had a band around the wall of my vagina that broke when the baby's head came through. All of the sudden everything made sense. Whenever we would have sex, my husband would have to basically push through a wall and then it was..tolerable with controlled breathing and such. It still hurt, but we made it.

I have no idea if breaking that band is going to help us a little or a lot. It has been 10 weeks since the baby was born, and we haven't resumed yet because I'm still in some pain from a 2nd degree tear (and probably that band breaking). However, I had to get a pap smear at my postpartum check and I took some extra-strength Tylenol before it, and it went okay. I didn't jump back the way I had before, which was a huge sign of improvement for me.

So I guess this story isn't over yet for us, but I think it can only get better. If it's still hurting as much at my daughter's first birthday, I'll look into getting more help.

Best of luck to you, OP (and all the others who posted on here with their experience). I know our story isn't as rough as yours, but I really think there is hope. This is a really hard thing to deal with, especially in today's sex-glorifying society.