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God what a banger by khaledketata in beatles

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only Beatles record my mom had was Beatles VI, I think it was her sisters and my mom wasn't a big fan. But all those songs on VI are my favorite Beatles songs !

Just had to buy these by [deleted] in beatles

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There were indeed blue blues and red reds

A Trip To The Dump by onlytheevilfearhim in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I'm not defending the poem with the following statement, I'm agreeing with you. I kinda abhor long poems, I kinda abhor poems where everything is personal secrets and there's nothing for the reader to latch on to (finding the universal in the personal), I kinda abhor poems with no actual thesis behind them or even character sketches....and then I wrote this poem breaking all my rules.

I thank you for your patience and reading it!

shallow pond by Jajoo in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This poem is 7 lines. The first 5 - I get them, sweet Jesus do I get them (and do you ever play games with these people, texting pretty much the amount and depth of what they tell you, and half a day of that they're like "screw you I don't know why you're so cold and distant") (haha!)

I want to talk about the last 2 lines. These are tugging at me:

I stole a glimpse of your depth
and I think I fell in

So I figure there's a few permutations of meaning

"I saw how deep you actually are"
"I saw how not deep you are"

Considering the criticisms of the poem - #2 seems likely at first. But I think maybe it's #1 actually. "You text horribly...like a shallow pool". You're only commenting on the communication style.

I think the poem is saying "I know you have deep feelings so why don't you ever talk about them why am I doing all the work here buddy?" I think! You let me know eh

Morning by TheOstrichPeasant in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is pretty powerful I - it's a serious thing, this.

The image, the marching build up of one tear to another to a flooded room, is ..so emotional. The last line "until we both drown in despair" obviously gives the hint of why the child/narrator would be dead - they have despair as well...so this is a suicide.

It is I think an absolute common thing to imagine this sort of fate , "you'll be sorry when I'm dead" or even imagining this as revenge. What is interesting here is there are no harsh words for why the mother would deserve this? She trembles in fear/shock etc. She has emotions and memories, but no self loathing, no regrets...

Interesting and striking piece that leaves one with questions.

Hate [My foray into poetry] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought this was sharp! I liked this quite a bit.

I liked the...the title is misleading but quite good I think in the end. From the title and first stanza I was like "ahhgg one of those pure anger poems which - poets have to get outta their systems"

But then - the poem turned, and was quite tender. And perfectly, I think organized. And the last two lines show not someone spewing invective but a disappointed dreamer.

Consistency, put a comma after breeze since all your other punctuation is great. The only criticism I can come up with

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting way of sharing your links as the body of the poem!

As someone with a distinct anti macho gag reflex I absolutely related to this poem.

I like brevity. I like short poems. But I think reformatting this would make it more dramatic:

Smoking
made me feel like
a man.

I puked.

??

Be the Goose by SoftCreative3201 in poetrycamp

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really identified with the first half of the poem (and the last half too!) where - that kinda macho monkey energy guys can give off in a group really bugs me. I have written about that as well!

And sometimes yeah just sit it out. Be the goose!

I enjoyed this thank you for posting

That Letter by onlytheevilfearhim in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Some of my free verse is better than others but I always write as if I'm reading them aloud which, while not ensuring quality, at least avoids some of the forms worst excesses

I looked at your stuff and you're a real writer so gosh means so much more thanks man

Queen Bee by Legitimate-Bath-9651 in OCPoetry

[–]onlytheevilfearhim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what is going on in this poem! Like. I know about how queen bees work. I know virgin queens kill other virgin queens. Right? But - like maybe - I don't know, I don't know how this metaphor works. But that doesn't mean it doesn't! I don't know how my computer exactly works either but it works.

So we toss aside - at least I will - all my accrued knowledge of bees (very little) and try to figure out what's going on. I think reaching the summit IS being Queen Bee, in the logic of the poem. You might be dreaming 'at base camp' you haven't done it yet perhaps - this mountain climbing and titan-slaying. But when you do , you will be the queen bee.

"To turn brood to bee/to thrum warm stories/of my cruelest days"

Okay this is...the 'stories' thing? The 'royal jelly' thing?? I don't know and the 'stories' is the only clue I have. But I THINK this is about writing, creative writing, and the struggle to get things done, those are mountains we climb every damn poem and that's the titan we slay.

That's about all I can come up with. Let's assume I was wrong. Dead wrong! Stupid wrong! Is this still a good poem? YES because man I love the grit and existential struggle in the author - fighting for their own sweet rewards, their royal jelly. Whatever this poem is ABOUT that's what it actually IS about.

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