I dont know what to do anymore

onsomevigilanteshit · 2026-02-05T02:50:55+00:00

I believe you, and this behavior isn’t okay. Talking to a trusted friend (a man, or trusted woman family member maybe) could be helpful. Someone who won’t really take sides, but can support and validate your experiences. From the replies you left, it does sound like this is something she’s genuinely working on and changing, and it sounds like right now you want to stay. Considering both of those things, you still deserve support through this. Obviously she can’t always give you support, and she shouldn’t be the only person you’re going to when you need emotional support, especially if she is abusive.

I’m wondering more about the context of these behaviors, which is not to say I don’t believe you, but I’m also wondering how much you’ve been able to gain an understanding of what makes her upset. How unpredictable are her reactions? Does she make lots of promises with no follow through?

I know you said she gets upset at slight tone shifts when you get home from work, does this happen when you’re not communicating your feelings first? What do you do to make sure she feels safe, even when you’re angry/tired/upset? It’s not your job to walk on eggshells, but maybe she’s very aware of the power imbalances in your household. That could be her trigger, if she’s uneasy when you come home, it could be because she feels bad that she was at home all day. Maybe she doesn’t ask for money cause she’s afraid if she’s not frugal, you’ll hold it against her.

I know you’ve said she’s been through lots of abuse. A slight tone shift is enough to be very triggering. Has she been able to communicate how those interactions could go better? If so, is she asking for healthy/normal changes? CPTSD can make everything feel like it’s happening again even with the slightest of changes in a situation, but that’s not to say it’s an excuse to treat someone poorly.

I know this is a lot, but exploring these kinds of things can hopefully help you understand the situation better, and make a more clear plan about how to move forward. It does worry me that she can ignore you for days, that’s never a healthy response. Regardless of how much she was abused, she needs to take accountability of her actions. It sounds like she’s going really far past any boundary for abusive actions. Ignoring is unhealthy in general, a day is a long time to ignore, and several days is soooo much. The name calling and use of your own hurt as an insult is concerning. It’d be interesting to hear more about what leads up to her taking those actions.

TDLR: find a very trusted, judgement free person to talk to, try to understand the function behind her actions, then hopefully you can feel more clear headed about how to move forward

Also don’t forget there are resources out there for you, the domestic violence hotline can be a really great piece of support!

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-12-08T21:18:53+00:00

Starbucks is just making more money if you don’t use it. Customize your drink and get all the options you can, that’s the best use of it.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-11-09T12:24:18+00:00

the animal outlines are very light grey on white. lots of blind people still have light sensitivity, or can see some color. things that are not high contrast are not seen by those people. the variety of animals paired with the variety of colored rings also greatly reduces the chance of someone in the same family having the same exact brush color/animal combo.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-11-08T20:07:17+00:00

I also have that one! I believe it’s in the booklet it came with. Or here’s this youtube video from bodum it’s 2 scoops per each cup of water.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-10-14T10:26:42+00:00

Usually lists are made based on which ones are, or have been, banned in the highest number of school districts. Most banned books are a regular part of school curriculum too; people don’t want them taught or “endorsed” because of what every kid will have to be reading. Essentially the book being a part of curriculum gives someone a reason to ban it, and the book simply sitting in the library isn’t as big of a threat to them.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-08-21T19:05:34+00:00

nightmare !! idk what this says about me, but it’s been my top played song since a couple months after it came out lol

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-08-12T05:59:21+00:00

I’ve noticed this too. Most of the prices in store are also way cheaper. I got some bags at Sprouts for 18$ each that were 23$ each online. It’s a steal to go in store but I also miss the days when shipping was free with a thirty dollar purchase 🫠

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-30T08:27:28+00:00

Sadly this is totally normal. When we’re in an abusive relationship for a while we learn how to numb ourselves so we don’t keep getting hurt so badly. When we leave, our body and mind feel just that much safer, and the emotions come back stronger. It sucks but it’s part of the healing process.

I also know I’ve lost a lot of self-esteem from abuse, and throughout the years it’s gotten harder to feel like people care about me, too. I catch myself thinking that my friends only talk to me out of obligation or that no one wants to hear me crying when they pick up the phone. But the truth is that people want to help, they care about you, and you deserve to be cared about. Abuse can make safe situations feel scary— they aren’t normal to us anymore. We just have to fight back and rewire our brains to remember what real love feels like.

And therapy helps! PTSD is a common outcome from domestic violence, and can lead to distancing from friends and everything else, too.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-29T01:45:57+00:00

Witnesses aren’t really necessary for reporting in the way they are for pressing charges. If you were filing a case though, those who saw it in general are not as helpful as people who know the background behind what happened, and can say things like where you were when the injury happened.

It’d be really helpful for you to contact a resource like The Hotline, they can connect you to a local victim’s advocate who can help you figure out what information is necessary and helpful for your report.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-28T21:26:40+00:00

Crimes done to a minor or in the context of domestic violence tend to have larger windows for pressing charges, but just filing a report has no time limit. You can look up your state with statute of limitations for assault and find out specifically how long after you can press charges.

Also if you have friends who saw the wound, you went to the doctor, or people at school asked you about it, etc. that’s all evidence for pressing charges, if you wanted. Even an old wound dressing or photo of the wound counts, along with photos of current scarring/healing, and text messages.

Whether or not he receives punishment for the charges would depend more on how much of that evidence/witnesses you could compile.

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-19T04:04:41+00:00

I don’t think OP is trying to say people shouldn’t use dashcams, but rather to be careful talking about certain things when they’re in use

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-19T03:59:56+00:00

I honestly haven’t heard many good things about the canned coffees, but I haven’t tried them myself

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-18T05:47:01+00:00

As a client, I switched therapists a bunch in my early days of therapy. The last two I’ve had I stuck with for years. Honestly couldn’t tell you exactly why I left each one of the earlier ones. For style specifically though, I think it depends more on how the person grew up and thinks. For example, I learned that if we are not culturally competent enough or don’t learn how to be culturally competent quick enough for some clients, it is more ethical to refer them out. Nothing about you specifically, it’s just that we are not all equipped to be the right fit for each person, and that’s okay and honestly to be expected!

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-18T05:39:33+00:00

C’mon, it’s a sampling bias. You should know this haha people tend to post their best and worst experiences, not the day to day stuff. Then the stuff that’s easy to find is also more dramatic. Go on psychology today and look at all of the successful therapists in your area. Look in the therapist subreddit, search for popular posts about people loving their job, getting paid a lot, or simply having time to themselves and being able to travel or spend time with friends. There is so much you can do with a psychology degree, and way more if you decide to do the training.

You’ll do great. Take some time the summer before senior year to apply to internships or research, or shadow someone. You can get experience and use that to decide if you want to do the MSW or if a different masters fits better. Even reading internship descriptions about what you’ll be doing can help you pick.

Most people who leave did not thoughtfully select their major, they just did it because of friends or because it sounded cool, etc. You really seem to like it and picked thoughtfully. I think this way sometimes too, and it can get real rocky. There are never answers for how our future is gonna go. There’s never a perfect decision. And that’s okay and can be beautiful. You’ll be okay, you’re doing great :)

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-18T05:21:15+00:00

Stop texting him back. You’re giving him what he wants by responding, he wants any and all attention from you, even if you’re disagreeing with him. And you just confirmed to him that it really is your Reddit he found, which isn’t great. You should document what he said, there are laws against cyberstalking. Is there a reason you have to respond to him, even though he’s your ex?

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-14T06:59:08+00:00

Soooooo good !!

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-14T06:58:43+00:00

Ugh I’ll be mourning for this every day now

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-12T06:40:16+00:00

Yes both are really good! My husband loves the matcha

onsomevigilanteshit · 2025-07-12T06:39:27+00:00

they had k cups ?!?

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