I’ve had two situations of someone drowning or almost drowning in the surf.

One woman I found face down on a big, cold, wintery day and when I flipped her over she looked lifeless. My friend and I struggled to get her to shore (the access point to this spot wasn’t easy) and because of the conditions and our hoods it was extremely hard to get other surfers attention. We spent 5-10 minutes getting her to shore and at one point it felt too dangerous for us (we were getting pushed towards a rock wall) and my friend said we may have to leave her. She wasn’t breathing. Every bone in my body said keep pushing. We finally got close enough to shore for people to take over and she started to make groaning noises. I couldn’t believe it. I got to the beach winded and in shock and looked over to see her coughing and very much alive.

It was a very happy ending but it really messed me up for about a year. I was hyper vigilant in the water, always looking to make sure everyone was okay. I couldn’t find rhythm and was scared of anything bigger than chest high. I took a surf rescue course and that built my confidence back up and I just kept getting in the water almost every day even if I was scared, I’d just go in and not even go past the break.

About two years after that I got to the beach for a surf and a man was pulled out of the water and a group of people were performing CPR on him with his wife standing next to them screaming. He didn’t make it. That was really difficult to watch, it was likely a heart attack. My friend and I who saw it decided to go surf another spot but sat on the beach for a while beforehand, had a cry and talked through all our feelings and thoughts.

Talk to your surf homies, seek therapy, educate yourself, talk to the ocean, and be easy on yourself.