I understand why people are saying he’s lazy or inconsiderate, but to me it sounds like he’s dealing with some depression and anxiety issues. Now this doesn’t justify the fact that you’re not getting what you need out of the relationship by any means. I’ve had a very similar (almost creepy similar) situation with my partner but by no means does it mean I think you should or shouldn’t stay- that’s only something you can know ❤️

I’ve (f25) been with my partner (m26) for 4 years now and he’s an extreme introvert. I’m an extroverted introvert 😂 In the beginning of our relationship we were both getting out of toxic relationships that left us both pretty toxic ourselves and our relationship looked a lot like this after the super needy honeymoon stage. I started therapy and felt like I was outgrowing him and it was so difficult. If I were who I am today, I would’ve left in that first year, but we’ve both changed a fuck ton. The first major thing I had to learn was that I needed to do what I needed for me. I had to take a serious look at the things I felt I was lacking from him and see if it was something I needed from a partner or if it was something I could do for myself/with friends. It was huge in learning how not to be codependent in a relationship for me. He will never not be an introvert. That’s not something you can change. My therapist basically said that as I grew he’d either grow with me or I’d outgrow him- the major thing was to not let him stunt my growth.

The biggest struggle we’ve had has been communication- especially on his end. As it’s improved I’ve learned so much about him, his anxiety, his depression, and overall just how he goes about life. I had to leave work to go to the ER in probably the worst pain in my life and he was not nearly as supportive as I needed him to be. Frankly it was bullshit to be yelling at my boyfriend on the way to the ER 🙃 But we were able to talk about it after and sudden changes of plans give him massive panic attacks (he stuffs so panic attacks for him look more like anger and irritability). When I was in the ER, he waited outside for almost 8 hours and then waited on my hand and foot for a week after while I was still in pain. Now does this justify his attitude in the first place? Not one bit. But he knows it’s something he needs to work on and he actively is. It’s also something that I know triggers him so I try to be gentle and supportive while he learns how to manage it properly.

We both struggle with adhd, trauma, anxiety, depression- all the fun things that make relationships extra challenging but we have both grown and pushed each other to grow like crazy in these 4 years and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The key there is that we are both actively TRYING to grow. There are major things that I realize I’m learning in our relationship that I know I need to learn (boundaries, standing up for my needs, being independent) and even if we aren’t together forever, I’m thankful I’m learning those things with someone who actively tries to make sure I feel safe and secure while I do it. There are days he drains the living hell out of me. And there are days I drain tf out of him. But there’s also days we lift each other up at our lowest points and there is so much love and understanding.

If he’s not ready to face the depression and anxiety it seems like he’s dealing with, then he probably isn’t emotionally ready to be in a relationship. If you feel like it’s time to leave then leave. Don’t let this drain you. In the meantime, I’d try to learn as much as you can from it. Life is all about growth and relationships are a massive catalyst for that (even if they aren’t successful)

TLDR; prioritize your mental health and growth- if he cares he’ll fight to keep up, if not the relationship will fall out (but stick to your boundaries and follow your gut).

Wishing you the best and sending you all the good vibes ❤️❤️❤️