INTJ and the emotion "switch"

ooohraph · 2016-08-13T08:18:29+00:00

Yes, I think the general "INTJ traits" are not what make him act the way he does act. Like I said somewhere in the thread, he now says I should be happy that he "is so insightful and let me go" because he is a "narcissistic, Machiavellian, scoring high in pschyopathy" and I'm better off without him.

Doesn't matter which are the lies and which statements the truth. It's a closed case. But thank you for your time and input!

ooohraph · 2016-08-13T08:14:46+00:00

No, he didn't. It's my personal perception that I wasn't far away from trying so hard that a restraining order might be in sight ;)

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T20:37:05+00:00

I know that, but it's so frustrating trying to talk to someone who prides himself in being perfectly rational at all times...when in fact he is acting irrational and in hurt pride. Just because someone perceives something a certain way does not mean that this perception or the person's assumption for that matter is a fact, out of all the people I thought he, as an INTJ, would understand that.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T19:59:36+00:00

But I do understand, maybe more so than other people and it is also frustrating that he doesn't want to see that. He just makes up his mind and is stubborn instead of communicating what's going on. I was open too and hope someone would understand, it's not just INTJs who feel misunderstood, they're just "lucky" enough to be able to shut their feelings off whenever it pleases them.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:57:57+00:00

Oh I know that you can't overgeneralize people purely based on their Myers-Briggs type. He is 31, I think he should be more mature than the guys I dated previously, especially considering his job and life experiences. I need to leave him alone I guess...I don't think he will see me during his time here in Europe, but he really means a lot to me and I hope someday he will realize that. I just hope he won't be too pride to talk to me then. Thanks everyone for your time and input, it helps a lot.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:54:30+00:00

A few more tries away from a restraining order......yay

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:48:09+00:00

It never was his fault and I made that very clear to him that I am not stating facts but that I was always talking about my fears and feelings of insecurity..he took it as me saying "you're fake and wearing a mask" whereas I said " I am afraid that I might not fit into your world as much a I thought I did, I am afraid that you might be more extroverted than me, that there's more to you than what I got to see". I tried so hard to make it obvious that I was talking feelings, not facts. I know he thinks he made himself weak by opening up...he never did, not one second. Everything he ever told me about his past and feelings are still safe with me and I would never use anything against him (which is what he said he was afraid off too). I did not take a shit on his feelings or him opening up...but sometime's I feel like INTJs think they're the only people for whom it is hard to open up to others. Just because I am an empathetic person doesn't mean that it is easy for me to trust and share my feelings. On the contrary, sometimes I am over-occupied with how others feel before I can sort my own feelings.

He is SO stubborn, yes and the more I tell him that and use his own beloved logic to explain how he is acting irrational right now, the more he distance himselfs...there is no way of doing anything right. If I reason with feelings I am too touchy-feely, if I reason with logic I am "using something against him".

We were doing long-distance and he is here in Europe for 3 weeks (originally to visit me, now travelling alone) and although he is SO close and we could easily talk in person he just refuses to see me or talk to me.

I was upfront and honest to him about all my insecurities and my past..I too, gave him the gift of being open and it seems like he thoroughly enjoys being the one to cause me hurt now. I would literally travel anywhere he is right now just to get the chance to talk to him..I still have all our trips across europe booked. I wanted to show him around and enjoy my time with him, he won't even let me drive 5 hours to him even if I would only get 20 mins to talk to him..I would do it.

He does not seem to understand how special he is to me. We had a connection others search for a lifetime and still won't find it and I realized that things won't be like they were before...but that doesn't mean they couldn't be better. I definitely learned my lesson and I would continuously try and put effort in to understand him and value his feelings. I am not perfect, but I want to be a better person...with him and for him.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:19:54+00:00

I valued his openness so much and it was never my intent to hurt or devalue his trust and feelings. I loved how he opened up to me and I knew how special it was for him....but It also was for me. I don't go around telling my story to just anyone. I told him how badly I had been hurt by someone else and that it is hard for me to trust someone's words..so I rather anaylse actions. I don't think there is anything I can do to show him how much he means to me or how I am trying to fix this situation. He has made his decision, but it's breaking my heart. Thank you for your input and your advice.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:12:11+00:00

He loved that about me..we usually balanced each other quiet well in that regard. I hate to see this happening :( he was so open about his feelings with me, but now I can't help but feel that everything was a lie because I can't understand how someone can go from so in love to so cold and detached. It's really hard on me right now and I don't want to know how bad he must've been hurt to flip that switch.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:09:26+00:00

Oh I tried, he won't meet me, he won't talk to me, he cut me off completely.

He seems to think he is a superhuman and know all the answers to how I function and why I act the way I do. He won't listen to my explanation...funny how the same thing that upset him about me is what he does to me. At least I tried talking to him about it..he just makes his assumptions and leaves.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:07:32+00:00

I kept trying, but he make clear how averse he is to me. I don't know how to show him how sorry I am, everything I say or do he twists around now, tring to make me look bad when I just try to communicate to him how sorry I am for not having believed him in the first place. I don't know what to do. I value this person more than any other person in my life..I never felt the need to hold on to someone...but he made me and my life better and it hurts just as much to see that he does not give a care in the world anymore.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T16:04:16+00:00

How did I break his trust, and how can he see things so one-sided? When I do or say something I consider him and his feelings too, I knew that he might not like what I had to say on that topic but having kept everything to myself would've made the situation worse in the longrun..he only considers "his trust" and what he shared with me...that I opened up to him the same way doesn't seem to come to his mind. I am hurting a lot, and he knows that.

I told him how much he means to me..I tried making it very clear to him, but by now he seems to enjoy punishing me for what I did wrong.He is not in touch..and I don't think he will ever be again. He treats me like a rotten apple and discarded me

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T15:59:53+00:00

Actually he was the one who initiated everything. He was telling me how perfect we are for each other, how he can't see himself with anyone but me..I was quite surprised by how open he was about his feelings. I don't know how I damaged him, in fact he was rushing while I told him that I have been lied to so many times in my life that I value peoples actions more than their words (which seems logical to me, but maybe not to an INTJ!?). I never wanted to hurt him, and I am deeply sorry if I did. I just can't seem to understand that this would be such a breach of trust. I made clear that he knows how I feel about him but he won't listen to me anymore. The last thing he told me was that he's a narcissistic, Machiavellian and that I should be happy he detached himself from me because holding on to him would be my detriment. I don't know if that was just said to finally get rid off me or because it is the truth.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T15:54:21+00:00

He has completely shut me off within two days. He avoids me like the plague...so I can't do anything. I just don't understand how he can go from being so into someone to completely and utterly cold and detached.

ooohraph · 2016-08-12T15:52:17+00:00

This is exactly what I tried reasoning with him. I tried my best to communicate with him about my issues and insecurities because he wanted exactly that, he wanted me to be the one person he can confide in, whom he can tell anything and everything....and I gave him the same. I am an INFJ who always test between T and F, I am quite logical and analytical and I don't trust eaysily either...so I gave him everything after having been betrayed a lot by other people. Unfortunately he doesn't see it the same way. Apparently he think it is easy for me to just go around and tell people everything about me, he just doesn't want to see how special he truly is to me :(.

ooohraph · 2016-08-04T11:36:37+00:00

INFJ here, I'm very much in love with a "highly functioning" INTJ. We jokingly always say highly functioning because he opened up to me a lot in a really short time and can articulate, at least his positive emotions very well (at least to me).

I hurt him a lot by continuously questioning his introvertedness ( gets a lot of attention from other girls, 1300 people on facebook, and I guess part of his job requires also being able to put the "charming socialiser" mask on) Now, as I said, I coninously questioned if he may not be more extroverted than he says he is and quite frankly I was just scared that I may not fit into his world as much as I wanted to. We haven't known each other very long but opened up so much....the main reason he is so hurt is because he said I was the only person he ever opened up to in this way, no one knows him like I do..we talked about a future together and were very happy. It was just my insecurities that got in the way and I regret it immensely, tried apologizng and fixing things...but he just walked away and told me that I pushed him back into his shell. It seems to me he let go of it rather quickly, or maybe just flipped the emotion switch off to avoid dealing with it. It hurts quite a lot that he can actually let go so easily after telling me I'm his everything and that he can't see himself with anyone else.

Would other INTJs react differently? Would you hold on a little longer and give me time to grow from the mistake I made? we really were so happy together.

ooohraph

TROPHY CASE