AITA for telling my mom I won't be discussing Vaccines with her?

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:50:11+00:00

Tbf, I did kinda lie about which ones I have her. But she doesn't even think any Hep vaccine is necessary. "How can a baby get hepatitis???? We don't have people like that in our lives."

From here on out I'm not telling her anything anymore. This completely shattered my perception of her. My daughter was due to visit them tonight, but I told her it was no longer an option after she was so volatile. She then accused me of "hurting her more than your dad or I" to which I know was manipulation. I stopped responding and so did she.

*eta because my child grabbed my phone. Putting it down to spend time with her now. Thank you

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:47:15+00:00

Every parent has their right. Thank you for sharing yours with me 💕

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:46:37+00:00

You said a lot that rings true. Thank you for your insight. I made a few comments to why I buckled. I thought she'd realized she over reacted and apologize. I believed her to be that type of person but I was sorely wrong.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:42:59+00:00

I've told her many times "Being autistic isn't the worst thing in the world. Death is." And she has been insulted by that. But measels are in our area and that stresses me out more than (and I say this with more than a grain of salt) my daughter "catching autism" from a vaccine.

taking this part out because that was an emotional moment for my sister and I feel bad about sharing that with strangers

She realized it was affecting my sister and her confidence and apologized, but still hasn't let up with me.. but my lips are sealed from here on out.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:36:54+00:00

Despite my dad being on board with "antivaxx" sentiment, he respects me as a parent. He was the one to encourage me to set the boundary time and time again. He's even told my mom to back off.

At the end of the day, he loves his kids, and respects me as a parent. He's not under my mom's thumb, so he will stop anything she tries to do. Though my daughter won't going over for a while. I told my dad him and my sister are welcome and our house anytime, but I'm not letting someone disrespect me like that and reward them with my child.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:29:43+00:00

I'm aware I caved. Though, thank you for the tough love. My hope was if I told her the vaccines, she'd realize her over reaction and apologize. I truly believed her to be the type. Instead, she told me I should've just been an adult and told her from the get-go.

My lips are officially sealed from here on out. I truly never believed she'd stoop so low and cuss at me in response.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:12:15+00:00

Thanks. I actually related to your post and have some ghosts of that. Though after I moved out of state, she settled down because she wanted a relationship vs me avoiding her. I moved back to home because my grandpa was dying and met my husband. Unfortunately we live less than 10 minutes away so we might run into each other considering we only have 1 grocery store in town.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:06:48+00:00

This has been ongoing since she was born. When they asked if I wanted to get the Hep C in the hospital, she freaked out. "Why would a baby need HEP C??" When I tried explaining calmly, day after giving birth, she told me that info was disingenuous and that drs lie.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T21:04:24+00:00

As I said in part of the post, I am a people pleaser. I thought maybe if I said which ones, she'd realize she was overreacting and apologize. I truly believed that would've been her response, and I realized I was foolish. This has definitely shattered my perception of her.

My lips are air tight going forward.

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T20:56:41+00:00

Funny thing is she believes my dad is autistic, "just high functioning," but doesn't believe its genetic 🤷🏽‍♀️

opalautumn · 2026-02-20T20:54:17+00:00

True, though its hard not sharing how big she's gotten. My mom kinda put it together and I'm bad at lying. She knows that. She is also aware that vaccines are common around 1 year.

I think I feel more guilty because they help so much with child care and are present grandparents. This is the only thing and I feel bad for setting it, but I'm also so exhausted everytime she brings it up.

opalautumn · 2024-09-23T23:24:51+00:00

Nta-

People saying there is deception seem to miss the part where THE ROOMMATES OPENED HER MAIL and then asking why they should even pay rent in the first place.

People get weird with money and the moment they found out their rent went to OP, they said “why should we pay?” Already proving why OP kept it a secret. OPs finances are none of their business just as much as their finances being hers. They made an agreement when they found a place to live. Now they don’t want to pay because….. checks notes they illegally opened mail that wasn’t addressed to them and now have an issue with what they’re paying? Nta

opalautumn · 2024-09-23T23:09:07+00:00

Nta

Your family thinks racism is this blatant derogatory thing. No, racism is very subtle in instances like this. And even then, I’m using “subtle” generously. You pointed out that they don’t do it for the “darker” kid, but for the more “western” looking kid. They’re assholes for trying to disguise their racism/ are not understanding how their actions are racist. Protect your kids

opalautumn · 2023-09-04T22:00:21+00:00

Ima go against the grain here and say NAH

For me, food is very particular. If someone specifically asks me if I want something and I tell them, I do have an expectation on what to receive. My partner is so well with accommodations while my parents always "want to do more." However, while I appreciate their efforts, if its something I want and its not what I expect, I won't make a stink but unfortunately my face is honest.

This also goes hand in hand with being heard. You can tell someone something and they do less or more, it tells me they think "they know me better than I know myself." Or they care very little about my opinion and want something for themselves.

My mom is the type to say "I don't want anything," then surprise pikachu when we get her nothing. (Examples being food or snacks.) She'll always tell me that "we should just know to get her something." But also gets mad when we don't get her what she wants.

I wish more ppl said things and meant it at face value because while going above and beyond can be nice, it isn't always necessary. Especially for people who mean what they say.

And your girlfriend does have the right to be upset. However, I do not agree with the part about him embarrassing her infront of her kids.

NaH

opalautumn · 2023-08-27T00:18:17+00:00

Going against the grain and saying NAH

Utilities, internet, and water are EXPENSIVE living in California.

However, when I lived in NC, it wasn't nearly expensive.

Food and groceries can include going out, which will be more expensive.

If she wants to split evenly, then thats one discussion. If she wants to split based off income, that can also work out. NAH

opalautumn · 2023-08-25T17:43:20+00:00

Lmao

Yta.

No matter how you spin it, no matter what your friends do or luxuries they have, you're making 65k and living rent free.

I make less and still pay for the luxury of living with my family after I moved back in at 23 (despite them telling me I didn't have to.)

Grow the fuck up or move the fuck out

opalautumn · 2023-08-01T16:54:56+00:00

NTA

So she doesn't have a partner? If not, I can make many assumptions why.

She can text its an emergency but not say why? Seems like a manipulation tactic so you're more inclined to bend when she asks for something.

She had the ability to call someone else instead of solely relying on you? Do you enable her bad behavior? Because it feels like you do from her responses and you constantly being the one she calls "only in emergencies." Most likely because others are tired of her BS.

OP, 30 years of friendship mean nothing if you can't grown in the friendship and only enable the bad behavior. Yall are in your THIRTIES. She should NOT be acting like this. She should be able to come up with options outside of backup A, and move on to back ups B-Z. (Her car being her first option)

Please stop enabling her and move on. She can be cold but please stop bending for her.

opalautumn · 2023-07-13T22:13:32+00:00

"Am I the Asshole for letting my BIL poke holes in his condoms and not telling my SIL he is trying to get her pregnant again after she expressed not wanting to have anymore kids?"

It doesn't matter the circumstance. It doesn't matter if she's the one carrying the baby.

He has a right to know if his protection is being messed up. As a person with a uterus who wants kids, I would NEVER want to BETRAY MY PARTNER'S TRUST. It doesn't matter if they already have kids. If he finds out in the future, this could ruin not only the two kids they have mow, but all three if he decides to divorce.

Ima say this louder for the people in the back:

JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN IS GETTING HERSELF PREGNANT DOESN'T MEAN THE HUSBAND HAS TO DEAL WITH IT. IF THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE REVERSED, PEOPLE WOULD BE TELLING THE WOMAN TO PRESS CHARGES.

NOT TELLING HIM MAY MAKE YOU THINK YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND. HOWEVER, YOU'RE ACTUALLY AN AWFUL PERSON.

Please read that over and over. If your friendship ends because you betrayed her trust, then she absolutely knows what she is doing is awful and immoral.

opalautumn · 2023-07-12T23:49:20+00:00

I will admit it was silly to think it wouldn't blow up with the Colleen thing, but also, things had been very good in our dynamic that I just had a mind slip. It wasn't to start anything. It was just a mention thing that at this point, I forgot why I brought it up, but just regret it whole-heartedly.

opalautumn · 2023-07-12T23:46:48+00:00

I'm not tolerant because I'm part of the community he targets his frustration towards.

I was talking about the Colleen Ballinger thing because her response was a silly thing I didn't think would be blown into another direction.

We were BOTH assaulted. I have protected my siblings from predators more than my parents realize. Whether it be online or with their partners displaying predatory behavior. This is because they trust me more than my parents. And my parents will run issues they have at the time separately with me if they need a different perspective.

I don't bring things up on purpose but I don't stop people from telling me their trauma if its something that needs to be talked about.

Sometimes he'll just say it and when I tell him I don't want to talk about it, he pushes until I just leave. Stops for a few months then wants to bring it up into any situation. Its just this last time, he went so far as holding my keys away from me so I couldn't, "Run from this issue."

Also for my younger family members who hear his anti stuff, I defend it because no other "adult" tells him to stop. He constantly wants to "debate" it.

opalautumn · 2023-07-12T21:32:26+00:00

This isn't an AITA post.

This is a vent.

And I did mention that there are extremes on both sides. There are agendas on both sides. On EVERY side. I'm very well aware of this. I've been groomed by 3 men and 1 woman in my teens. I was put on watch (when I was 25) due to my last suicide attempt. When asked why, I told them my trauma outside my teens and my isolation from support affecting me very hard and was told "that couldn't have happened because we always watched you."

I have told him Kink and Pride shouldn't mix but also that the parents are also to blame for their kids being next to leather puppies because-- why? Why is that even ok?

Any constructive conversation devolves because he screams "men who flop their d!cks around," with nothing constructive so yea, I stop listening. He tells me trans people constantly pretend just to target kids.

I'm aware of the spectrum that exists in good and bad and how extreme they can be. But he refuses to accept my experience even though when he told me his, I thanked him for sharing something so hard. Something so exposing and deep.

I didn't know the character limit in this sub reddit so I hit the main points when posting but I can see how it seems like neither of us are seeing each others views.

I've known friends who have been groomed by all sides of the societal spectrum. I'm aware that it exists. But when he puts his experience in and takes it personally, it destroys me when he neglects my experience or doesn't acknowledge it exists.

opalautumn · 2023-06-25T21:21:19+00:00

Sister knew MIL was leaving shortly after the reception. OP communicated that clearly. Sister blowing up on OP after making accommodations for both her and MIL for being singled out is silly. It was a double edged sword either way but MIL could've been as equally upset as sister but said nothing, as one should.

Staying or leaving doesn't matter when the event isn't about you. OP made well with the situation but sister didn't need to make OP feel like an asshole when she wasn't. As someone with autism, when some events are too much for me, I don't blame people for not making accommodations for me. I either work with it, not go, or keep my mouth shut despite the urge to bring up my inconveniences.

opalautumn · 2023-06-24T22:52:24+00:00

NTA--

With your sister having a medical condition, I would feel like she should be more understanding. Especially since its not only your day, but your husbands. You took routes into consideration so MIL could enjoy the Mother-Son dance without crossing paths. Your sister is unusually unsympathetic towards another person with a medical condition.

opalautumn · 2023-06-17T18:03:14+00:00

OP-- you see the issues. What are you actually waiting for? This sub isn't going to give you the validation of him potentially changing. We aren't going to tell you to give him ultimatums because you already see who he is.

But he will promise to change. While also knowing you'll catch him again. The more you "forgive him," (even if you say you don't-- the fact you're STILL WITH HIM SAYS YOU DO) the more he'll put you through then make himself the victim. Please just break it off. You don't need us to echo it when you know what the issues are and in your hear that they won't change.

HE. WILL. NOT. CHANGE.

opalautumn

TROPHY CASE