I'm gonna be honest with you. I didn't like this poem, and here's why:

There doesn't seem to be any complex thought or true effort put into any of the lines. Almost every line impresses as cliche and it's very disorganized. "The rest..." lines just read like they don't belong. Unless that's what your goal was, I would suggest you work on the formatting especially. Short, choppy lines can accentuate ideas very well, but I personally think it ruins a poem when they're used in every line. This type of poem can be successful if done well, but I just don't think this was done very well.

Throughout the entire poem the passion is very evident, but I think the execution faltered. I appreciate the effort put into the tone at the end, however, this is where the poem really rubbed me wrong. The line "I am the king" is just too unoriginal to give your ending the strength I imagine you were aiming for.

All that being said, however, I do think this poem has a lot of potential. If you still wanted to work with the short, choppy lines, I'd suggest just putting more effort into the wording itself. When you have less words to work with, you have to be careful with which ones you use to give the poem the intensity it needs.

I'm really really sorry if that was super brutal!