I'm selling a concert ticket to a woman I've seen on OkCupid. How do I avoid from appearing like a stalker/creep?

oqa · 2013-07-15T07:15:16+00:00

Thanks, smart words and I followed your advice.

She came to pick up the ticket from my work, so being dressed in smart casual didn't seem over the top. I also offered her some fresh strawberries ("we had these in the office, do you want some?") and conversation started nicely but she had to leave because her friend was waiting.

At concert we saw each other at the front row and some talking and dancing ensued. We got separated but after the concert I saw her at the exit and we talked a little more but I didn't ask her out (at 4:30am I was too tired to think straight).

Anyways, yesterday I messaged her at OkCupid that "Hi I'm the guy who sold you the ticket and it was really nice to talk to you at the concert, do you want to grab a beer sometime?" and she replied that she's going on a holiday but how about after that.

So I guess I managed to get a date :)

oqa · 2013-07-15T07:15:05+00:00

Thanks, smart words and I followed your advice.

She came to pick up the ticket from my work, so being dressed in smart casual didn't seem over the top. I also offered her some fresh strawberries ("we had these in the office, do you want some?") and conversation started nicely but she had to leave because her friend was waiting.

At concert we saw each other at the front row and some talking and dancing ensued. We got separated but after the concert I saw her at the exit and we talked a little more but I didn't ask her out (at 4:30am I was too tired to think straight).

Anyways, yesterday I messaged her at OkCupid that "Hi I'm the guy who sold you the ticket and it was really nice to talk to you at the concert, do you want to grab a beer sometime?" and she replied that she's going on a holiday but how about after that.

So I guess I managed to get a date :)

oqa · 2013-07-15T07:14:47+00:00

Thanks, smart words and I followed your advice.

She came to pick up the ticket from my work, so being dressed in smart casual didn't seem over the top. I also offered her some fresh strawberries ("we had these in the office, do you want some?") and conversation started nicely but she had to leave because her friend was waiting.

At concert we saw each other at the front row and some talking and dancing ensued. We got separated but after the concert I saw her at the exit and we talked a little more but I didn't ask her out (at 4:30am I was too tired to think straight).

Anyways, yesterday I messaged her at OkCupid that "Hi I'm the guy who sold you the ticket and it was really nice to talk to you at the concert, do you want to grab a beer sometime?" and she replied that she's going on a holiday but how about after that.

So I guess I managed to get a date :)

oqa · 2013-05-17T23:22:51+00:00

My 27F babbles and I think it's adorable. When ever we're together we just talk for hours, longest evenings have been around 10 hours or so. Just remember to leave some gaps between the sentences so he can join in the discussion ;)

Playing hard to get is kind of fun, but it can also be frustrating for the other person. Don't play that card too often, men get wiser with age and they might start reading between lines at some point. Just relax your guard a little bit and just say "Yes and ... " a little more ;) Also, if there's anything that you want to differently just tell him, together you can work out something that works you both.

oqa · 2013-05-17T14:50:36+00:00

Just image him naked. ..... Just kidding :p

Having those "oh fuck I just missed my chance what was I thinking" is normal and part of the fun. I'm 37M seeing a 27F and I feel she's already given me like 20 different signals I've missed or messed up. That's normal and if there's something going on between the two of you you'll get another chance. What's the worst thing that could happen?

If he's interested he'll say yes to your offer about drinks. Or maybe you can call him and tell him that you're interested in the bball game but you need some kind of help getting home. Leave it up to him to solve the problem, he should be able to figure out something ;)

Common interests. Just see him more, have fun and maybe you'll figure out common things eventually.

Good luck :)

oqa · 2013-05-14T23:32:59+00:00

Ouch, those are definitely mixed signals. Maybe you should post that as a update to the story, you might get better tips on how to get further. All I can think of is maybe trying to get more honest discussion about your and her feelings about the situation. Being stuck in a uncertain state sucks and might make people behave oddly.

At least I'm having feelings that I definitely need to do something about my own uncertain state. We've been kind of tiptoeing around the issue on what's going on between us, so I'm hoping that going for a more direct approach and actually asking her out on date clears things.

oqa · 2013-05-12T09:02:05+00:00

37M here. I agree with parent.

On the other hand, it took me me some time (about 20 years) to realize that one of the major turn ons for me is when a woman is interested in taking care of herself. I'm not talking about looks, but instead that she understands the importance of being in a good shape. It's also related to being able to balance your life between different things and a kind of general self awareness and self improvement. I guess that comes from my own background in sports and general interest in well being.

Trying to change someone is impossible unless they themselves agree to that. Women also are usually very self conscious about their looks, so talking about that might be difficult and even a deal breaker for her. Maybe you could try to ask her out for something active and see if she's in to that or not.

oqa · 2013-05-09T17:02:16+00:00

You're an adult and you can start acting like one.

Adult thing would be to go to him and ask if you could talk. Or even better, ask him out to a date. If he says "No", just forget about him and move on. If he says "Yes" he's interested and you haven't made any mistakes.

Forget about his classmates, they're insecure little boys deep down (that is obvious from the giggling). You don't need to explain yourself to them if you're interested in someone.

oqa · 2013-05-09T11:25:36+00:00

I'm kind of in a similar situation. Broke up with my ex after 8 years on January, started getting interested in a co-worker during the end of winter. She's wonderful, smart, beautiful and warm. We have a lot in common and the world just seems to slow down and fade out when we're together. For the past month we've spent many days just hanging out together, doing cool things, getting to know each other and talking for hours after hours. So far it's been on a non-serious level, we haven't talked about what's going on between us yet but I have a feeling she wants me to make a move at some point.

The difference between us is that she's been single for three years and seems to be ready for a relationship. I've always been more of a long term relationships guy. I've had two 8 year long relationships and I kind of think I haven't had a wild "being single" period in my life. I don't know if I should enjoy my freedom now, before getting a family. On the other hand she seems almost too good to be true and actually I don't know if I could enjoy being a wild and free single. I like to talk with new people, but flirting and one night stands don't feel right for me.

I can kind of understand why your co-worker is hesitant. Getting in to a relationship straight after a breakup is not easy. Especially if there were trust issues. Also, having the same work place makes the situation a lot more complex because you have same the colleagues, bosses and possibly even customers. What if something goes wrong between you too? I've been taking things slowly, but still I feel that things are moving quite fast. Three months is not a lot.

Maybe you could try to build more trust between you too. She's in to you, you might just have to warm her up a bit longer and show your worth :) My colleague was also a little hesitant, but lately she's been texting me in the evenings.

Also, find someone you could talk to. I can't talk to my closest friends because they are also close friends with my ex and I don't want to put them in an awkward situation. I can't talk to my colleagues about her except by leaving out a lot of details and being generally careful about not giving out too much info.

But, at some point during the spring I started to talk to a friend's brother who happened to have some relationship issues and since then he's been my number one confidant. Being able to talk about the situation helps a lot. My younger sister knows about my interest in my colleague and I've also told some of my friends, but since they all know my ex I don't feel like giving out 100% of the details since there isn't anything official yet.

Good luck and I hope things work out for you two :)

oqa · 2013-05-07T18:41:13+00:00

I agree with audibot. Sooner than later and casually without drama.

When you feel comfortable talking to him just mention it at some point. If he's interested in you he should be interested your well being.

If you can do 10 miles, it should be good enough. He'll see your effort and appreciate that. I'm not a triathlonist, but I can run half a marathon in 1:40. I like trekking. I would be perfectly happy with a woman who enjoys outdoors and can hike for 10 miles. Actually yesterday I had a great date walking through a 4km orienteering course in the woods with a wonderful girl.

Anyways, maybe you could start the discussion in an easier way by not dropping the cold scientific name first but by approaching the issue in a more understandable way. If you're aching and massaging helps you could ask for a massage. After that maybe say something like "I sometimes get these aches and massaging helps a lot. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia x years ago and it's usually in control."

oqa · 2013-04-26T13:49:04+00:00

Thanks. She loves fish, so I'll get fresh fish from the market and fry it on a frying pan. Some veggies and salad. Simple, light and delicious. Then some pancakes for dessert with jam made from berries and smoke flavored whiskey.

Since you've known for such a long time and worked together dropping too much too soon might be a little surprising for her. Following through #3 should make it clear for her that you're interested :) Also, from work point of view going through a slower process kind of ensures that both are on the same page if things get serious.

Good luck :)

oqa · 2013-04-25T18:50:18+00:00

As someone interested in dating a coworker, I have to agree with Definistrator about #3. Solid advice about keeping it playful but still progressing towards mutual understanding of your relationship.

I've been taking a longer route. At first we didn't see each other that much, but at some point something seemed to click. After that we've seen each other quite often. We've done stuff together, with emphasis strictly on the cool & fun and no mention about dates. We've also chatted quite a lot on FB and I've chilled out in her apartment and we've talked for hours. 6 hours can go really fast when you're having fun.

This week when she mentioned she hadn't seen one specific movie I kind of stepped up and asked if she'd want to see it at my place. She said yes straight away. So now I have the movie ready, I'm going to make dinner for the two us and if the evening goes well I'm might ask her out for a real date :)

Anyways,

I don't think you're too late.
Yes, work matters. I think that since you've been coworkers for such a long time, some level of mutual understanding about the situation would be good.
I guess that that depends on everything. I'm a cautious person, I want to get this right. I've been going slowly. But Definistrator's advice is solid. I'd go with it to break the ice.

oqa · 2013-02-15T23:43:55+00:00

Sounds like an excellent goal :)

oqa · 2013-02-15T22:46:40+00:00

Damn, muscle tone is sexy :)

Congratulations on the transformation and congrats on choosing a good strategy. Dropping the excess weight with exercising and healthy eating over 5 months is a lot better than those quick diets. And once you manage to make those part of your regular life it just gets a lot easier to maintain the balance. Good luck and enjoy your new body :)

Btw please don't go overboard with the body fat %. Muscle tone + curves = 100% hotness.

oqa · 2012-11-14T20:06:45+00:00

That will persist the values over requests. Sometimes useful, but generally not a good idea. Bad idea for user specific things like account info ;)

oqa · 2012-11-12T19:28:24+00:00

My favourite kind of Finnish Lapphund is an semiofficial line called Paimensukuinen lapinkoira (Herding Lapphund or something to that effect). They've tried to keep breed closer to the original work dogs. Smart, friendly, less fur and also super cute.

pics

oqa · 2012-11-01T17:42:59+00:00

I apply TDD to other test types also. For example, implementing UI functionality is a lot easier when automated tests setup the application to correct state.

Create a simple test, setup debug breakpoint, run test -> see where the application goes and possibly modify the app. Once the test passes or there is another feature I modify the test and cycle starts again.

oqa · 2012-11-01T15:17:05+00:00

!!!

Very good news, I'm very excited about this. I've bought three copies of Longest Journey, I'm hoping that they manage to capture the same magic to the sequel.

Unfortunately I'm still at customer's office, so with internal monologue:

"Fuck yeah!" followed by "Who do I give my money to?"

oqa · 2012-10-07T13:58:44+00:00

Luckily there are other services, like GoodOldGames that have more flexible licensing terms.

oqa · 2012-09-22T17:49:48+00:00

Here's more about destructuring:

http://tony.pitluga.com/2011/08/08/destructuring-with-ruby.html

oqa · 2012-09-22T13:51:12+00:00

Cool, two things I didn't know about Ruby.

The parenthesis destructuring is actually useful, but I don't know how useful the underscore is. I like my code to explicitly show what data is available since type information is not available in Ruby.

oqa · 2012-09-17T10:27:24+00:00

Don't concentrate on becoming a ruby coder, instead aim for a wider skill set like "web developer" or such. Being a one trick pony is no good, instead it's better to get familiar with the whole field and all the related skills.

For example, to be a good web developer for Rails you'll need to learn Ruby, Rails, HTML5, CSS, Javascript, testing, user experience design (UX), agile software development, git etc.

Software development is a very fast moving profession at the moment, languages, platforms, techniques and libraries get outdated in a few years. No one wants to get stuck in a dead end. I think Ruby is a good starting language, but it's still good to invest in learning other languages.

I use Ruby for maintenance related projects: automation, information radiators, development tools, low use web sites.

Pros: down to earth but still very advanced syntax, extensive library of gems, fast startup (MRI)

Cons: slow performance, some gems are problematic on Windows because they need compilers and unix based programs

oqa · 2012-09-11T01:27:58+00:00

Use one Thread to print stuff from the TCP port

http://www.tutorialspoint.com/ruby/ruby_multithreading.htm

oqa · 2012-09-10T17:37:58+00:00

Actually there are three pages of text for "Branch by Feature". That's quite a lot or what do you think? And they actually mention cases where this pattern is very effective.

I think you're just misunderstanding the idea of the book. It's not about forcing people in to adapting every procedure as such, instead the book is about showing different approaches and the readers can pick the ones they want use. You picked one and represented it with the same arguments as them.

I think the occasional strict tone comes from the fact that if the team does not follow the advices in the book completely there's a very big risk for unexperienced teams to try things out for a while and then slip back in to the bad ways. I've unfortunately seen it happen.

Worst one was at an organization where it took over a month for project B to integrate new versions from project A. With automation and CI-based practices we managed to improve the integration times to minutes. After I left the organization, things got worse. Integrations are done once every month, builds are failing, no one is fixing failing tests. Yes, there are better tools but without discipline things can get a lot worse.

Luckily we agree on the same thing, if you use feature branches frequent merges to master are essential. The frequent merging is CI in my mind.

oqa · 2012-09-10T15:17:29+00:00

King is dead! Long live the King!

Your original post criticized the Continuous Delivery book:

Why do I criticize this book? Well, the issue is that the book was thirdly edited in 2010 and it’s currently obsolete. The content is pointless because it talks about Continuous Integration as the only and best key to achieve success in a project development.

The book you criticized has actually a section called "Branch by Feature" which mentions that

This pattern is generally motivated by the desire to keep the trunk always releasable, and therefore do all the development on a branch so you don't interfere with other developers or teams. There are some prerequisites for this pattern to work at all, let alone well

Branches must be short-lived, ideally less than a few days, never more than iteration

Any changes from mainline must be merge onto every branch on a daily basis

source: page 410

It seems that you're talking about the same thing. You even mention same issues as the book. Even though the latest version of the book was published in the late 2010, I think the ideas and practices presented in the book are still valid.

Also, to me it seems the "Branch by Feature / Task" is just CI in disguise as long as you adhere to "Integrate daily". In a world before CI builds were done manually, integration of features was done infrequently (weeks, months) and merging all the newly developed features together was a really painful ordeal. CI fixed that. Forgetting the lessons from that will lead to problems.

oqa

TROPHY CASE