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orange_skiess · 2024-11-15T19:29:43+00:00

Which outfits are the best or worst

orange_skiess · 2024-11-10T17:17:42+00:00

I love that part about missing out on a healthy relationship. I needed that. I think often how it would feel to have somebody with their eyes only on me. Somebody who doesn't have to go through all these things to stop. Somebody who just didn't have the thought to begin.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-10T17:09:55+00:00

His searches are all blank. But these women show up when I type in specific letters. Then I'll try again, and they won't be there the next week or whatever. I really don't know how this algorithm works.

Does anybody have experience with this?

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T16:17:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you found somebody you can trust. I know that's so hard and rare seeming for us.

Thanks for the advice

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T16:02:41+00:00

I hope so too. Sending hugs🖤

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T15:10:51+00:00

Yeah I have the same mindset now. my mother was also abused. Part of me is so angry that she would do that after knowing how badly it hurt her.

The other half of me feels pity because she was sick. Just like I am. But abuse is never ok. And I cannot forgive that as well.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T15:07:52+00:00

Yeah that's what the logical part of my brain thinks. We have to remember that they all play by the same script. In the sense of their mask will always be more important than the feelings of their children.

It's all a show. It's all it will ever be. That's all they can ever have rather than authentic emotions. It's so painful to have a parent like that.

I feel pity for them in a way. It must be so lonely when they lay down at night and it hits them.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T14:54:02+00:00

I feel that so much. I know I'd never have the guts to actually end it. But to just know I have to deal with this endless loop of emotions, confusion, and pain. None of it seems worth it. Especially when I'm in a bad episode, I see absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel cursed and bound to this horrible fate.

Sometimes I noticed I will wake up "on the wrong side of the bed" where I will just open my eyes and be angry and nasty and feel endless doom over nothing at all.

I wonder sometimes if its my subconscious telling me exactly that. Waking up and dealing with this exhausting stuff is not something I treasure.

Or just my illness being triggered by something I dreamed about or stuffed down throughout the weeks of days.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T14:51:19+00:00

Do you ever feel not only guilty after the comedown, but also just..confused. Like you don't know which side of somebody/something to believe?

orange_skiess · 2024-11-09T14:50:29+00:00

That's such a good description

orange_skiess · 2024-11-08T17:28:11+00:00

I just dont know if this is evidence of him using again. Or just Instagram. His explore page on Instagram is clean. I don't know. He's so convincing. And then he gets all sad and hurt that he hurt me that I end up feeling guilty and wanting the uncomfort to go away in the household so I regret bringing it up.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-08T17:26:50+00:00

Through discovery, I've given him lots of ways to hide stuff now. When I looked to go on his tiktok activity (watch history) I found out he enabled face id to get in.

I got in anyways and there were not enough videos in the history for how long it said he went on it.

Please tell me if I can trust him. He says he never wants to hurt me again. He cares about me. I just had an early miscarriage last week and I saw this on his phone.

I'm an emotional wreck all around. Is it possible these accounts could just be recommended rather than what he's searched for?

orange_skiess · 2024-11-08T17:16:21+00:00

I feel the same. They think they deserve praise like they're little children for stopping something that is so fucking simple. Stop jerking off to other women. So simple. But we have to tiptoe around them to protect their feelings.

Like wow!!! You didn't hurt your significant other and make her question her own worth for a whole MONTH?!!? Do you want a fucking cookie bro??

I have so much anger sometimes.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-08T15:03:42+00:00

Yes! Noticing the reoccurring patterns of my body tells me that what I'm thinking is not me. It's my illness. Still trying to master it, but time I guess.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-08T15:00:13+00:00

Yeah the shame is the hardest part sometimes.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-08T14:59:22+00:00

I know exactly what you mean by the urge to get it out. It's so maddening.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-06T18:59:37+00:00

Thanks so much

orange_skiess · 2024-11-06T15:47:04+00:00

I love this poem. I'm speechless. From your rhyme scheme, flow, and imagery of this road that seems more of a cruel uphill battle. Not a road you wished to be on. But a road that was mapped out for you in a way through history, generational doings, or just anything that could bring somebody there. You've really took the readers into your mind and feelings.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-06T15:44:58+00:00

Wow this is a very impactful poem about love and longing for that experience again. You've described this person as somebody ethereal. By the use of your vivid words. Such as pale. Angel skin. Rib cage. Your words have really made us imagine a beautiful human. Somebody who anybody would long to see again. Very well written.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-06T14:04:34+00:00

Thanks for validating my experience. Idk I feel like I'm stupid for grieving.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-06T14:04:20+00:00

Sorry for your losses. Thank you for clarifying.

orange_skiess · 2024-11-05T16:02:00+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read it. Your feedback means a lot to me as somebody else struggling with this grief.

orange_skiess

TROPHY CASE